What has been your highlight today, no matter how big or small? Come share 🫶

@Bunniekins @Chasingsunsets @Taali @PeppyPatti @tyme

My highlight of today is remembering that a lot of my intensity comes from my early childhood years and i underneath my responses to myself as well as my loved ones blurring the real picture enormously.

As a child i was always punished from so called wrongs always blamed for who i was. Dad would physical punish me and a cane mat duster sure did not feel good on the backside the next three days after, however mum's habit to give me the silent treatment. Where she refuse to speak to me even at times for a whole week because she be upset with me. Now my wife and children playing the same game for so many years and has had me responding out of a deep hurt and frustration of my childhood rejection and conditional love the last years. Far more angry than i would have normally been.

This has been a real eye opener. How much my childhood is the engine of my intensity and often unexplainable responses to things i do not feel that strong about at all in retrospect and i wondered why such explosive responses from my side.

Now i do much more so, and know i have to find a renewed responds to the ways i internalised the hurt of my youth if this is going to improve my wife's and families treatment of me in time to come.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqKZON7rXuY

Morning @DownMoreThanUp .

@GezzaP Morning.

@Chasingsunsets @Bunniekins @Taali @PeppyPatti

my 'morning' has not been good. i woke up and trying to go back to sleep but found my thoughts wanting revenge the pain on my loved ones my worst deed to self

This has confused me because of its intensity and the lovelessness of it all living within me. To hurt back those who hurt me - worst possible - so at least they know they did.

This left me feeling even more lost to myself i have already been. For i hate the agony such thoughts bring me, let alone such actions as becoming me, yet why does it keep me awake and can even feel good considering?

Deep questions that have me rattled right now my own feelings at 4am.

Anyone relate or have answers fro me?

Been busy with AI to unravel this mindset.

@DownMoreThanUp hey hunny i think i understand what you are going through. you once gave me some very good advice when i was feeling my way through the dark. if i have your question right i would say to you let it go. you have the opportunity to be free take it with both hands. start a new chapter in your life. we will always be with you if you need us. we love you as a friend and always will. bunnie xxx

Hi @Bunniekins

Your story is a complex one indeed.

Hard to find others in the real world who can truly relate.

Yes. It's probably not going away, but your strength to forge on and survive is admirable.

Those voices and visual disturbances are real and should be acknowledged by those we confide in to help us keep them at bay.

I'm so sorry to hear of your pain, both physical and mental.

That old saying that our suffering pain that isn't visible or can't be measured and diagnosed by material methods is just inside us and will go away if we try hard enough and take our meds (which we must do) is as serious and possibly more intense as things like cancer, broken bones etc.

You are amazing and I thank you for sharing your story here in this safe place.

Go gently my friend and never forget that while you are a victim of a terrible illness you nevertheless have the ability to accept and challenge the demons that invade your world.

Peace and loving hope to you.

T 💋

@Bunniekins @DownMoreThanUp @Chasingsunsets @GezzaP @PeppyPatti

@Taali 💖

@DownMoreThanUp it’s grief.

And a ton of injustices dealt out by those closest to you.
I’m guessing that they are Victim Blaming and Scapegoating you?

Usually perpetuated by their own fears or possibly their own mental health issues.

I went through revenge cycle dreams and daydreams, about my ex. Coercive Control DV situation.

It only improved when I found a semi-safe place to focus my full attention on my independence and autonomy.

This is my highlight (so far) this morning. I hope you all have a good day and find little joys throughout to celebrate! 💚

@Glisten @Chasingsunsets @Bunniekins @Taali @DownMoreThanUp and everyone

@heartathome hey hunny looking forward for the photos to show themselves. love you. bunnie xx

@heartathome and they just have simply beautiful xxx