@AlwaysMyself as part of my therapy with a social worker, she recommended some workshops for me to do, and they were awesome. The first one was about learning to say NO without have to give a reason. This workshop opened my eyes in so many ways. It made me realise that because of my DV father, I miss learning how to feel safe, loved and a few more things. Children who grow up in a functional family will learn this naturally. And it was because of these lessons that I didn't learn that I didn't know any better when I selected what I thought was a suitable partner., Thry were just like my father. But used different forms of abuse.
It also made me realise that my first DV partner, was actually using forms of abuse on me right from the get-go. I remember at the time thinking it was so loving that he always wanted to know where I was going, or who I was visiting, or why I was late home from work. Now I realise that he was gradually increasing his control over me, until it was full blown abuse. And I was sooooooo in love with him at the beginning, and he certainly didn't deserve my love. I have actually destroyed a lot of his phots, as now I know the true person he was. And I no longer like that person.
And then I picked the same sort of partner again, after a break and ended up marrying him. Even though we have a daughter together, I go out of my way to make sure that I am not put in the position where I need to interact with him. Just by being in the same vicinity as him, or being forced to speak to him, makes my blood boil. I lost my dream home that I build with my previous partner, because of hm.
But I have been educated now, and I have the confidence to say something if someone is not respecting my boundaries or me. I am not afraid to have my own opinion and voice it now. I used to be such a people pleaser, but I can now put my own self-care and priorities ahead of other people.
My current partner has had a few tough lessons to learn. We had a year break, after some very very bad behaviour, but when I agreed to have another go, I was ready to put the lessons that I had learned in place. He is slowly learning what I consider no longer acceptable in my life. If he would only give up the drinking, it would make my emotional health a lot better. He can say some horrible things when he has too much to drink. Which is exactly why we were told to leave the caravan park. I know exactly how the neighbour felt, because I have been there many times before. But he just doesn't seem to learn the lesson from it. He says he can see an issue with how he behaves, and might stop drinking for a little while, but he always goes back to it.
I am really proud of how I can stand up for myself these days.
@MissGremlin @ENKELI @Chasingsunsets @Bunniekins@Shaz51 @DownMoreThanUp @PeppyPatti @TAB @Cuddlebear @Glisten @Harmonium @Judi9877@Jynx @heartathome @tyme
