Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Kristin
sorry you are struggling today.
The warmth of the fire and the gentle light from the candle will hopefully help you rest and rejuvenate you for a new day.
karen

@hiddenite,

Thinking about you. You have shown so much strength honey.....pushing through this.......
Iand freely giving support to @kristin too

Yeah, imagining and going for walks down the river is so lovely...............

Hey Anne
I'm not up with all the posts so I hope that everything in your part of the world is ok.

What an intense battle everyone is facing here.

my struggle continues so difficult when you have no self worth and the suicide ideation is giving me a hammering.

I wish I could hear the river and be at peace.

Hey @hiddenite
I cheat a bit and listen to water on my phone to get some river or rain in my world. I downloaded relax melodies from google play, it is free.
It even has white noise 🙂 I can choose different combinations of sounds and press play when I go to bed..
Sorry to hear your feelings and thoughts are still very challenging. They will change..how are your girls enjoying the cooler weather? It is very chilly in Victoria so I am looking forward to a hot water bottle and heat wheats...
Definitely a marshmallow and hot chocs by the fire night...

Hey Alessandra
Great idea.

Really frustrated that there us no one I can share these feelings with. They overwhelm me and its all I see.
if I tell my psychologist or case worker I will end up in the mhu.
If I try to talk about it in the mhu they sedate you.
why is it so difficult to have the conversation. No one will listen.
last month I made an attempt on my life....not even my family speak of it. Im tired of the stigma attached if I can't talk about it im scared it will happen again.
you would think in todays society it would be different.

Hey @hiddenite
Feelings are feelings and sometimes if we can't talk it out, we can write it out, sing it out or draw it out..some dance it out...
The important thing I have learned is that my feelings can be very changeable but my personal value (self esteem) is rock solid and is independent of how I feel...
Well Personal Value as I have learned through Grow

" No matter my physical, mental, social or spiritual condition I am still valuable. My life has a purpose and I am in equal value to other people. I have my own unique value and personal identity.

Crikey I have jumbled it a bit, but the main point is I am equal to others and I have my own unique path..

It ties in with Universal Benefit, each person's personal growth or recovery aids in the transformation of the world...

Which takes a heap of pressure off..my unique place and yours may not be clear to us right now, but I am sure that talking about living with suicidal feelings is helping others on the forum know they are not alone with their feelings..

I always was supported with feelings are like the weather, they change and the bad weather can't last..

And I also learned that when stressed the brain is an amazing organ..the brain thinks it makes sense to stop the pain.. But our brains don't always get it right and when stressed we go back to familiar thoughts which can be scary.. But the big saving grace is we don't have to act on our thoughts or feelings, especially if they may alter our lives permanently..
Have you googled Will Hall? He has done amazing work on living with suicidal feelings..
Keep reaching out Karen, you can call those numbers as they are there for times like these...
Hugs as light as a butterfly or as strong as a bear hug for you...

Wow they are really powerful words something to aim for.
such a long way off.
sincerely thank you
karen

Hey @hiddenite
You have been part of the Universal Benefit happening on this site...you have been helping us transform ourselves.. We read and we learn from each other and you have been modelling help seeking through hard times..it is inspiring!! Truly..
And take g time to support us too!!
If that is not Universal Benefit well it is Universal Benefit!!!

You do have immense personal value Karen....