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Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

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In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Unknown userMember

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

That would scare me too having someone saying bad things. And schools should be a safe place for parents and children to go too. Can you speak to their teacher or the principal, even to let them know that there has been an incident online, just in case it comes up in the school yard between the children (i certainly hope it wont though but might be a way of bringing it up with the school so that you can guage their reaction to this type of issue). Schools don't have much power to do anything about it but if they are aware they can help ensure you are safe at school.

Go case worker!! did you feel any connection with the new case worker? I hope that this case worker is helpful for you! Good luck tomorrow with the ACF and while it wil be hard it will be finished soon too and hopefully it'll help your kids?

Take care of you, do soemthing nice just for you tomorrow even if its just having a cuppa and listening to your fav song.

🙂 LJ

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Dear Karen @hiddenite

I have been holding you in my thoughts and prayers today, I truly hope this dreaded appointment went better than expected and there was some grace in it all.

The ACF should "get it" - if they don't then they are actually absuing you and your kids. They should "know" that the best place to start in supporting traumatised kids is providing the help and support their natural parent needs so that they can parent well. I'm really appalled that they seem to be making things worse for you.

Hope for a calming walk by the river endures...

I'll be lighting that candle again tonight for you and the girls.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Thanks Kristin

I spent two hours at the Australian Childhood Foundation having to relive the trauma ti the girls and the effects.
I feel worthless what mother doesn't protect their child they deserve better. I failed them.
I an ashamed that I didn't leave and the girls are hurting. Because if me.

I have tried grounding, breathing meditation, safe place mental imagery, distract. But nothing makes it better.
it was bad enough with with the thousand questions I had to answer it took me hours to fill in the paperwork.
Then two hours today.
destressed and overwhelmed.
And had to ring suicide line what a mess.

I will never forgive myself

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

On the other hand @hiddenite you are doing all this to get your life back on track and to give your girls the support they need.
It isn't an easy path you are on but it is a necessary one. Perhaps also you see your situation as having been full of choices..but maybe it wasn't. The choices we make are not always clear to ourselves and we cannot know what our future always holds but you are fighting for a good future..
You are putting yourself out there because you are going to get the helpful help you need..
Your girls are going to be okay because of the effort you are putting in now...
I think you are amazing, you gave been pushing yourself for change and you gave been to MHU and out again and you are on the way..
I wish it wasn't so painful or triggering but I am seeing how strong you are, and the fact you care for us here with your messages for others and carrying hope for us when we are in need..let us carry your hope for now...

The fire will be lit tonight..blankets at the ready and warm drinks if you are thirsty..

Warm hugs...

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Oh and the school won't remove the horrible things that were written about me. Im so scared . I feel so venerable and scared to be at the school.

Thanks Kristin for the candle. Hope you are ok.

Lj hope your appointment went well.
take care karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Alessandra
I don't see what you do. I really try.
why is it the path leading me to giving up. I don't understand why that is so appealing.
Why do I have to punish myself it won't changed what has happened but I honestly believe that I deserve to be helped. Because I didn't do enough to protect my girls.

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Dear Karen,

You do indeed deserve to be help. You survived. What would it have been like for your girls without you - with just him? You are still here and putting yourself through SO much to get help for them. Have you been able to call Ros at Safe Futures yet?

The school sound like they are being horrid. Very inappropriate I think.

Take care of you my friend. I'm with Sandy - I think you are amazing too.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Thanks Kristin
I think I would waste Ross and her time.
I wish I had people as kind as everyone herr in real life.
hold my had and guide me through the darkness. To be told that everthing will be ok.
Unfortunately it will never be my reality

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Karen, I promise you would not be wasting Ros' time. She was happy for you to call her (9877 0311). She "gets" this stuff, and the long-term implications. Please call her - if not for your own sake then for your girls'? You deserve to have the support to parent from a more grounded place, and they deserve to have their loving mum supported to be her best.

I am holding your understandable self-doubt and self-condemnation with love and compassion. We repeatedly see here what your heart holds, and affirm its essential kindness. We will continue to light candles in the dark, and walk alongside you on this journey; as you do for us.

Hope for someone who "gets it" endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Kristin
I've been thinking of you. I'm so grateful for your support and kindness. I've never know such compassion from anyone. I wish I had the wisdom that you have a way with words that provides comfort when all I feel is hopelessness and despair.
So to you and others I am sincerely grateful.
I know that you must have a story or two to tell and traveled the hard road.
one day I hope I can see things with such wisdom and compassion.
Please take care
thinking of everyone and hope that hope endures.
Karen
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