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Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

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In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Karen,

Good to hear from you. Sometimes I think the weight of the judgement is as bad as the weight of the abuse - it certainly has the ability to add to the weight of the abuse, whilst compassion helps lighten the load.

Only a few more dsays before school starts again. I hope you are faring ok with your girls.

Hope for the peace of a river walk endures...

Kind regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Sounds like an opportunity for Sane to do some workplace awareness training.. Or for the Foundation to realise that kind of engagement is certainly not trauma informed..
Hoping that your experience was a once off aberration with an inexperienced worker and hoping future appointments are with folks who get trauma, who get not judging is the only way to engage with people and who bring you hope and acceptance.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Kristin
not doing well at all. But im fighting everyday the darkness.
Keeping the girls busy at the park, made ginger bread men and lots of craft.
I miss the river its been weeks since I've been.
People are so cruel its being unfairly judged that has been so damaging.

I hope you are managing ok thinking of you.
Karen

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Karen,

So sorry to hear that, it sounds like you're doing well in spite of feeling like you aren't. I couldn't do gingerbread to save my life I think, it's been many years. I get really anxious in the kitchen with the kids. Yep judgement is a heavy millstone, and trauma means you carry a far too weighty one already.

I've had a rather upsetting day. A close friend said something to me which I find very distressful, and I feel like I don't even want to see her or talk with her. So I am trying to sit with it for a while and calm down, before writing her an email about how I feel. Maybe tomorrow.

Yesterday I drove down to the inner city for an appointment with someone who I think will be able to help my little one some more, now that I think she's got as much out of Theraplay as she can. The person I saw is a psychoanalyst and social worker who specialises in issues like attachment and trauma. She was fantastic, I really felt very comfortable talking with her. I felt heard and understood. Amazing for a first appointment.

The fire is going, and I'll light the candles. I think I need an early night. I am extremely tired.

Keep taking care of you my friend. You are truly doing an amazing job.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Sorry to hear that you've had an upsetting day Kristin.
It's great that you have found someone you feel comfortable with to help your daughter. It's so difficult to find the right help. So hard to watch your children hurting.
I hope you manage some sleep and tomorrow will bring new light on your situation.
Wishing you the very best.
grateful for the fire and candle.
Take care Karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Unknown userMember

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hope you both get some much needed rest and tomorrow is a better day, @hiddenite @kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Kristin
my thoughts have been with you today. I hope you have managed to sort out what happened with your friend.
I'm sorry you are so distressed and that a solution will present itself.
Take care
karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Unknown userMember

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Karen, how was your day today? Hope it went better than you thought it would. Hi kristin, I hope your day went ok and you found the right words to write to your friend to explain how you were feeling. I think it's great that you planned to take action on something that wasn't right for you in a really positive way.
Lisajane

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi lisajane
my day went as expected having to relive 24 years of abuse.
Im traumatised and exhausted.
Thanks for caring
karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

That is hard to read @hiddenite because you are doing your best to get help and going through so many hoops to get it...
So frustrating that our system is traumatising people still...
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