This is the long term consequences of trauma Karen. It is devastating that they say this, but the trust they show in your love is clear here too - otherwise they wouldn't tell you. Even them saying it was the worst Easter ever says they trust you - they can tell you their truth and they know they have your unconditional love. I know it can be a terribly painful gift, but it truly is one.
When my (ex)husband and I split up my then 7yo son took his dad's part in everything - his dad told the kids chapter and verse about what he didn't like about me etc, which he should never have discussed in front of or with the kids. When my son accused me of doing the wrong thing I told him that it wasn't a conversation I would have with him as he shouldn't have been dragged into it, I would talk about it with him when he was much older. If he had taken my part with his dad then his already fraught relationship with his dad would have worsened (and he knew it, even then). By doing that he gave me a huge but very painful affirmation of my love. For in effect he was saying "I can't take your side because I know dad won't love me if I do, but I know you will love me no matter what".
I am wondering whether it might be possible to take your 6yo to Theraplay and then use the things you learn with your 8yo at home, so then she wouldn't need to go somewhere strange? Certainly worth considering. My 6yo is not great with strange places or new things either. I have to talk her through everything, otherwise she gets so anxious she runs around madly or hides. I tell people she hates surprises, even "nice" ones - because it's true - she just can't handle the emotional arousal that goes with any surprise. She ends up melting down.
It took me 5 years of looking and asking to find them (the theraplay team), they have done lots of work with traumatised kids including kids directly affected by the 2009 fires. They may also have some suggestions in helping you so be sure to tell them where you were in 2009. My little girl's therapist is a wonderful listener - and very caring. Best of luck with it. Please let me know how you go when you get a chance to check it out.
I just realised that I should tell you this to hopefully make it a bit easier to ring them - I don't know if they have any men working there but I have always had the phone answered by a woman. If you ring the main number ask for Ashley from intake for Theraplay.
Kindest regards,
Kristin
