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Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

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In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Thanks Kristin
thats beautiful.
I wish I had the ability to see things the way you do.
I'm just a worthless shell of a person consumed by hopelessness , loathe myself , I have no faith in anything.
All I see is pain and negatives.
I fight every day not even sure why. I have no purpose. Scared and alone in the darkness.
I don't see a way out but I continue to battle.

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

@hiddenite and @SCORPION please understand that you (and so are @Rick , @Loopy , @kato , @peace , @Neb , @sara and so many others too numerous to be able to "mention" - it breaks after 10 names) are my idea of courageous. Because you do struggle on and persist even when you don't know why and feel worthless. In my view you are worthy of respect: for holding to this life persistently even in the absence of hope, because that takes enormous strength.

So I will continue to ask and encourage you to seek the light in the darkness. My own experience of this is that there is light, it's real - not an oncoming freight train. You can walk in it, but I won't BS you that it isn't sometimes a long and painful journey.

Most of our society may be blind to it but you, and people like you, are my heroes.

Hope, for a friend to hold a candle in the dark, endures...

Take care of you my friends

With kindest regards (and much respect)

Kristin

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi @hiddenite

Karen, How did your appointment go today? How are you feeling?

Sorry I had planned to check in with you last night, but then my former partner threw a really ugly curve ball my way in the form of taking a real incident and completely twisting it into something so ugly it made me feel sick when SOCA rang me yesterday. So now I am steeling myself for giving them another statement about this tomorrow.

I hope you are taking care of you my friend. As I am of me. Thanks for all your encouragement. Have you heard from @sara ? I am concerned about her.

Hope for living in peace endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Kristin
im sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment. I was wondering if it has been suggested that you keep a diary of events. Doesn't have to go into great detail just enough so you can look back on when you spoke with your ex or if anything happens. Just an idea.

no I haven't heard from sara and im concerned about her. Hopefully she has managed to find some support.

I have an appointment tomorrow with my case worker they want me back in the MHU not something I agree with.

My private health insurance won't cover me to go private because they are now saying its a pre existing condition.

the medication change is awful spend most days in Warburton near the toilets. Just so unwell.

please take care and I hope things sort themselves out.
Karen

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

PeppiPattySenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Dear @hiddenite
Karen,

Reads like Your managing your own life. Pick and choose your own life.

always good to read your messages,
Anne

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Anne
I don't know about managing my life seems like im leaving a trail of disaster behind me . 14 different medication changes in a month isnt helping.

Having to relive the trauma to complete strangers isn't helping me stay safe.

Exhausted and had enough.
Waiting to go into another appointment shaking chest pain so anxious.

Hope everything is ok with you
karen

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Unknown userMember

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi @hiddenite let us know how your appointment goes.

Stay strong and positive!

Outlanderali

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

PeppiPattySenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi
Karen (teeheehee"" )

thanks for telling me your stress

It's better out then in........I get a shaking chest pain too. seeing doctor about it next Monday and trying to stay focused so I'm watching TV today.
life can be unfair and sounds like you've had a big dose.

Please keep on writing,
we all care very much about you,

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

@hiddenite Karen you are so strong and caring because no matter how hard it has been for you recently you have been reaching out other members and giving us hope and friendship.
Those chest pains are pretty scary..I used to have them a lot, made breathing difficult at times.
I sort of had to unlearn that stress response, BUT, I did also get asthma so one I had the asthma under control breathing improved a heck of a lot. Chest pains still continued but I knew it wasn't asthma so over time mindfulness really helped me to get through those times..
I am wondering how your session went today? It is so good that you are persisting, @kristin and @PeppiPatty I think have often wrote ob how finding the helpful help is worth the angst that we endure in order to find the right help..
Hugs to you Karen..

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Dear Karen,

I'm sorry this has been so hard on you. I really don't get this unhelpful help they keep insisting on giving you. 14 meds cahnges in 1 month is insane, and they reckon we have a problem with our brains?

I was thinking of you this morning as I walked along the river, then I realised you had this appointment.

The river contiues to flow, and hope does endure my friend...

Keep taking care of you, you are doing so well in spite of all this. You are truly amazing. Keep walking, keep looking for the candle.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

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