Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hey Karen,

Good for you keeping the fire burning! Thank you. It's lovely to see.

Take care of you too my friend.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

hiddenite, even as a sufferer as yourself, their is someone out there that can help. The people you have seen are weak and insipid. Their position in life is to help you stay safe not ignore you and leave you to your own devices, these people are just lazy arses that need a kick, in it. I say congratulation for entering this world of "of ours and now yours ". The wealth of information, care and love that exudes from within , this forum, is unbelievable. You will find someone to help you. Isolation, alone and scared are no strangers to many of us. If you can take a little strength from all of us, a little comfort and a little anti scare, whatever that may be, you may get a little inner strength to search for some caring doctor to help you. Your post is so sad.......

loopy

Hi Loopy

I understand that every here has a story to tell and battles to fight.

Thank you for your support after 24years of abuse since I was 17 feeling that I deserve the horrendous things he did to me I am grateful for the support I have received here.

I am struggling with the trauma of having to relive everything to a new psych on Wednesday. I am tired of being asked why I didn't leave, why I had children knowing what my husband was like. Spending over an hour reliving my most traumatic memories and I'm supposed to be ok afterwards.

My private health insurance has just told me they won't cover me as it's classed now as pre existing. So no support there.

The MHU want me back in so I was informed on Thursday. I refused.

To top everything off the withdrawal from my meds to the new lot is like having gastro and the flu all at the same time.

The system fails and I've lost my way.

I fight everyday, like everyone here, distract, use my senses, break my days into hours, mindfulness.......

If you have any suggestions on how to manage flashbacks, hyper arousal, even if its something small I'm open to any help.

Don't be sad for me Loopy I don't deserve it, but your kindness and compassion is welcome when I feel so alone and unwell

I hope you are doing better

Take care

Karen

Hi Sara

I hope you are still reading, I've been thinking of you and hopefully you are doing a bit better. I wanted to share a couple of suggestions with you, places that are there for support. As Kristin mentioned, The Safe Futures Foundation are a wonderful group of women I highly recommend them.

Anglicare can find you support they also have services that can help you work on your finances.

Salvation Army also will help with whatever you need guide you in the right direction or maybe someone who will listen.

The Australian Childhood Foundation, offer ongoing support for children once you are accepted there the will not let go, they also work with the parent as well.

Parent Line is a phone service that provides professional support for parents who are having troubles with their children. They can also provide referrals on where to get help.

Kids Line is a phone service for children ages 8-20, they are professionals who support children and will listen.

There are lots of support out there reach out and give it a go. I have not included phone numbers I'm not sure if that's allowed.

If all else failed you know the numbers

Life line

Suicide Callback

1800 Respect

000

Please take care know I'm still here if you need to sit for awhile.

Karen

Hi Karen

Your story is so touching .

Remember you are just as important as the next person ie you have just as much right to dignity and a good life as ie the pope or anyone.

Re flash backs different things work for different reasons and people after I haveone I watch my fish do nothing but watch them swim I try to think of nothing else as they live such simple uncomplicated life I try to imagine myself just swimming around in there with them.

If I'm not at home when I get a flash back I stop what I was doing and walk away from the moment. Then do something that takes as much concentration as I can muster. These things dont always work but more so than not.

When it gets really hard I just keep remembering my own mantra just one step at a time one day at a time .

You are worthy

Look forward to tomorrow it will be better

Take care

Scorpion

Hi Scorpion

Thanks for the tips on flashbacks when you are struggling yourself.

I think it's going to take a really long time before I believe I am not worthless, pathetic and all those things I've been conditioned to believe for such a long time.

I would really like to stop punishing myself......

Kristen tells me that hope endures.

My question is what happens when you are all out of hope.

Sorry off topic..

Good luck tomorrow

Karen

Hi Kristin

Hope you and your family are safe I'm aware that there are a couple of fires not far from you.

Please take care

Karen

Hi Karen,

Thanks so much my friend. It is very thoughtful of you to gvie me the "heads-up" about them. Mostly planned burns. It's actually bad fire weather which I find really triggering, add a fire to that and I'm not good. So if it's bad fire weather we go to Melbourne. My house is not defensible and you can't rebuild kids. The house is insured so it can burn if necessary, though obviously I'd prefer it didn't.

In your reply to @SCORPION you mentioned being out of hope, I find that saddening and frightening - but honest which it is so important we can be that here. Hope is never off topic here, and certainly not the lack of it. I have a couple of songs I'd like to share the lyrics of with you and @sara particularly, though I hope others will appreciate them too.

The first is called Lanterns and I love the imagery of it (it also reminds me of the lantern walks we did in Autumn as part of the Steiner school celebration of the changing of the seasons - everyone walking wwith handmde lanterns and singing songs).

"Lately I've found, when I start to think aloud
there's a longing in the sound, there is more I could be
In darkness I leave, for a place I've never seen
It's been calling out to me, that is where I should be.

We never carried days on our own
But now it's up to us to know
The weight of being so much more
We will find ourselves on the road"

The second is called For the Lost and Brave which I really love because it is a powerful statement about trans youth it also resonates a lot with the experiences of people with MI and other disabilities. I am increasingly realising how much marginalised people and groups within the community have in common, especially with regard to stigma.

"Forced to hide away
Nothing is wrong
They say
Leave it alone
And it will go away

For the lost and brave
For the lonely strays
For the ones we left behind
Far away
Don't ask me why"

So maybe together on the forum we can rekindle the fires of hope, have a lantern walk or even a hill-top beacon (but no bushfires). Please Karen, walk with us. When it is dark in our world then someitmes we need someone to walk alongside to hold a candle and en-courage us on our journey. Blessings to you my friend.

Kindest regards,

Kristin