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Despair potential trigger: abuse

hiddeniteSenior Contributor30 Jan 2015, 8:13 pm AEDT

Despair potential trigger: abuse

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

1050 replies

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In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor06 Mar 2015, 9:43 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Karen you don't need to have words, you can still be present and partake. The darkness is all around us, but it cannot put out our light. And we will shine our light in this darkness with and for you, for as long as it takes until your own is rekindled.

Hope endures my friend, even in the dark...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

PS Sorry all I am going to have to hit my sleeping bag, as I have had an absolutely exhausting week. It has been a roller-coaster. I may get 3 days off before it begins again on Tuesday.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor06 Mar 2015, 9:48 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

I don't feel worthy of everyone's kindness. Scared to reach out accept support that I don't deserve.
The blanket is tempting as I feel so cold and empty.
I am grateful

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

saraSenior Contributor06 Mar 2015, 9:57 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

oooooo i hate mossies i get a nasty reaction where if i get bitten even without scratching they turn into like school sores

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor06 Mar 2015, 9:58 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Karen everyone is worthy and deserving here, of love, acceptance, help and friendship. You are no exception. If you cannot accept them any other way then please accept them by grace. That is impossible to earn. It is just freely given.

Take care of you tonight. Soak up the sounds of the night and the warmth of fire and good friends. Keep that silk blanket handy too please.

Kind regards,

Kristin

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor06 Mar 2015, 10:01 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

@sara we seem to have an allergy to them. Swell up to 20c piece size, super itchy and then stay itchy for at least a week, scratched or not. Yuck. Runs in my family. Thanks dad - not!

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

peaceSenior Contributor07 Mar 2015, 12:35 am AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

I know that I am late but work called me in. I've got a few logs here. I just wanna be the quiet one too within the circle of warmth. I love the heat from the fire, the smell of my pine wood burning and the hypnotic flames. I love that I am accepted, that we all are allowed to be.
May I ask if you do not sing Puff the Magic Dragon as it makes me cry ....to sad. It broke my heart as a little girl and the adults thought it was funny.
I am feeling much better today.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 Mar 2015, 2:37 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi @kristin
Hope your day is going well :0)

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor07 Mar 2015, 9:26 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hey @peace

It makes me cry still, and I can remember it making me cry as a child too (it made me feel terribly homesick). But I love it. I'm glad you are having a good day.

I think it might be time to throw some more wood on the bonfire for tonight. We need to keep this beacon of hope going - you know you are all so beautiful that I was in tears last night reading all the posts in support for Karen.

@hiddenite how are you travelling tonight? Are your girls tucked up in bed? Thinking of you.

I won't be around tomorrow night. I'm going to stay at a friend's in town for a sleepover with my little girl. She's very excited because we'll share a double bed and my friend has a bidet, which she's only just heard of for the first time last week. Fancy a toilet that washes and dries your bottom! She's very intrigued LOL! But you will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I will light candles for you and your girls when we go to church tomorrow night. So that will be my contribution to tomorrow night's beacon of hope.

Because hope endures, like starlight on the darkest of cloudy nights...

Take care of you my friend.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor07 Mar 2015, 9:36 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

HI Kristin

Girls are good.

My sincere thanks for everyone's support.

Kindness I have never known.

Enjoy tomorrow

My darkness is consuming me I don't want to distress anyone.

I'm sorry

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor07 Mar 2015, 9:59 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Karen my friend you are not distressing anyone. We are concerned for your distress.

We want you to know that you are not alone in the darkness, any more than the bush is ever really silent. Think of us as the sounds of the bush in the night; the frogs and possums, wombats (hopefully not trying to get under the house like ours!), the sounds of the trees as they sigh and creak in the breeze. We are here.

Hope for light in the darkenss endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

PS A poem for you. The last bit is a reference to walking on an angel's wing from another poem, called The Unanswered Prayer, which I will post perhaps on Tuesday.

Exploration

Swallowed, petrified, frozen, stuck
Drowning, unable to suck in a breath
Lost in a black hole
No beginning and no end
Empty, cold, dark, numbingly alone

Yet there is someone,
I cannot see who.
Their invitation I accepted
Entering into this pitch dark
Exploring the textures
Inside my deepest fears

My companion bears a candle
Faintly illuminating the way
We progress along a dark tunnel
Will it never end?

Gratefully I follow my guide’s light
Seeing enough only to enable
Each single step in safety
Surprisingly my terror
Flees before us

Miraculously I emerge
Breaching the oppressive enclosure
Of darkness and fears
I appear to be alone now
Yet my path is still clear

The lower road slopes gently
But it is not for me;
Sweeping up towards a cliff
The other is aglow.
I cannot mistake the message –
This is the path You intend for me,
And I choose to honour it

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