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Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

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In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

You are only human Karen; you cannot be superwoman, many would not have survived what you endured (and still do carry so much). This is not failure - it is being human.

You are doing your best to get the help you need, it is not your fault that so far it hasn't been forthcoming. This is setting your girls a good example - that when you are in desperate need of help you reach aout and try to find it. This is an incredibly important life lesson.

I am glad there is someone to care for them whilst you are away. Please understand something: NO ONE can replace you, however good a job they can do or you think they can do, only you are their mum. That makes you terribly important to them.

You are not a waste of space. We bother because we care.

Take care of you please.

Hope for better times with our kids endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Definitely a quiet weekend. Way too much running around last week - my head still feels like it's spinning.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

peaceSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

@hiddenite May an Angel be by your side. Bless You darling. Take this opportunity to receive as much help as possible. Do not compare your mothering with anyone else as we each have an individual journey / experience. I promise your children will love you. And you do not need forgiveness for being unwell.
I struggled with my daughter's upbring as her Dad died when she was 10 mths old. I became very unwell and alsorts of hardships we endured for years and yet she loves me, even more as she knows of my vunerablitlity.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Kristin
im glad you are having quite weeknd I think of you alot and the strength and courage you have. Please look after your self. You going and getting that piece of paper shows your ex that his behavior was not ok. It is also for those who didn't or are trying to find the strength to get away from abuse that it can be done.
I think it should have superwoman Kristin on it.
I wish I had that courage. He thought it was his right and that I was his property.
What you are doing is really extraordinary.
Take care
karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Peace
thank you for sharing your story.
Your words are beautiful when im feeling thi destressed.
Breaks my heart that I am unable to take their pain away.
karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Suffering horrendous withdrawal symptoms. So stupid that I can't even tell the nurses.
So my pain everthing hurts even ti move. This is worse than gastro. My head my just explode soon I just wanted to thank you for your support I appreciate it
karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

katoSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

@hiddenite

Hello hiddenite, i have been reading through the trials you are going through at the moment, and i see you posting such lovely posts in response to others and what they are going through, it shows your hidden strength and compassion that you have, i understand that you feel defeated and are finding the path so difficult, but from what i have seen you are travelling this path with much ressilience, you are stronger then you realise, and you haven't let your children down, they love you, and will always love you.

Everything i read i can feel your desire for wellness, it has motivated you to push through the tough times and keep reaching out to get help, and there is nothing wrong with needing help, i reach out for help other forum members reach out for help, and that is why we are here with you on your journey, through each other we can find the strength to keep seeking wellness.

I see someone who has been so brave, and i hope that with time you can also allow yourself to see those qualities in you.

I hope this comes across ok, i sometimes struggle with contextual stuff....

Thank you

sorry i just realised i had a bad typo, i meant hadn't not had sorry

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

CherryBombSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Well said, Kato!

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi Kato
thank you your words are perfect.
I know I will read it every day
if strangers see these qualities in me one day I might believe it.
I hope you are traveling ok on your journey.
Your words are so appreciated
karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor

Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Wish I had a hot water bottle or lavender wheat bag. Oh while im wishing a nice soft blanket and something to hug..teddy bear...just saying
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