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Despair potential trigger: abuse

hiddeniteSenior Contributor30 Jan 2015, 8:13 pm AEDT

Despair potential trigger: abuse

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

1050 replies

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In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor19 Feb 2015, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Oh Karen that is so horrible, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Thanks, I am feeling a lot better now I have the 12month IVO. I know it's just a bit of paper, but I am hopeful he will get the message. No sign of remorse or taking responsibility at all on his part that I've seen or heard of. Par for the course. Just confirms my decision.

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor19 Feb 2015, 8:36 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Take care of you Karen.

I've decided to go to bed early and read for a bit, and hopefully catch up on the huge amounts of sleep I've missed due to being hyper-vigilant so long. Knowing my luck I'll be wide awake again at 4am, but oh well I guess I can just read some more.

Please keep in touch. Sending lots of hugs your way. My 6yo has invented a "never-ending hug" game. She decides she's going to count up to (pick a number) while hugging me; she begins then pauses to give me a little squeeze, and then says "where was I up to?" and I say "2!" so she grins and starts from 2 again. It's very cute.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

PeppiPattySenior Contributor20 Feb 2015, 8:38 am AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Dear Kristen@

Your 6 year old is so gorgeous but also it feels like she's picking up on calm and confidence. How beautiful is that.

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor20 Feb 2015, 9:20 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Thanks for the kind thoughts.
Kristin you have taken a huge step forward congrats you should be so proud of yourself.
It maybe a bit of paper but it took a huge amount of courage and strength. Your children are very lucky to have you.
I hope you get a bit of a rest on the weekend.
Take care
Karen

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor20 Feb 2015, 9:33 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

I'm going to try that game with my 6 year old. If she ever forgives me for being in here.
Im so ashamed of myself and guilt for not being strong enough to fight this. They deserve a better mum.

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor20 Feb 2015, 9:35 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Dear Karen,

I didn't realise you had children too. Please don't give yourself a hard time about being a less than perfect mum. We can only do our best. Are your children at your parents' house?

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor20 Feb 2015, 9:42 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi Kristin
I feel like I have failed them they deserve so much better.
Two girls 6&8.
They are with my parents.
They came to visit today broke my heart.
Im so low.
my parents do a better job than me.
im such a waste of space. I don't know why anyone bothers with me.

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor20 Feb 2015, 9:44 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Thanks so much Karen. I am proud of myself. I also feel like we've turned a corner, it has been a huge relief - though I was completely wrecked emotionally by the time I drove home on Tuesday. To be honest I really couldn't have done it without a lot of help and encouragement from others, including you!

Sometimes when we have walked a dark and painful road we are able to shine a bit of light on it for fellow travellers - this is our gift.

I am going to have another early night again tonight. I did wake up around 4 this morning but I managed to get back to sleep after a while thankfully.

Thinking of you my friend. The river continues to speak its peace to your heart, the frogs and crickets are singing a bush lullaby. May you have some deep and restful sleep tonight.

Hope for a better day endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor20 Feb 2015, 9:46 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Still sitting at the end if the bed shaking day 4 pathetic

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor20 Feb 2015, 9:48 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Thanks Kristin
hope you have a peaceful sleep and wake rejuvenated for your days ahead

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