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Despair potential trigger: abuse

hiddeniteSenior Contributor30 Jan 2015, 8:13 pm AEDT

Despair potential trigger: abuse

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.

I saw a trauma psychologist for 10 months twice a week, but she stopped seeing me when my safety became an issue while processing the trauma.

My symptoms are so bad now I isolate myself in the car everyday to avoid triggers and flashbacks. Unable to go to strange places, talk to people. Just don't belong anywhere. Anxiety so bad I shake most of the time, chest pain and hard to breathe... This isn't living......

I'm too damaged to be helped, I have tried but no one will help me..... They just tell me its too complex and they are unable to help. I don't know what do do I have no support isolated, alone and scared....

1050 replies

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In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

-karma-Senior Contributor09 Feb 2015, 10:22 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

@hiddenite

I know you probably already have these...but, if you feel like everything is too much and that you're at risk of harming yourself, contact the;

CAT Team, Lifeline or Suicide Call Back Service or 000.

I'll speak to you another time

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor09 Feb 2015, 10:58 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Dear Karen ( @hiddenite )

I understand that you have come to believe these things about yourself. But I also need to tell you that we can quite clearly see something altogether different - you have immense courage, strength and a spirit of kindness and generostiy towards others, even in the midst of such terrible suffering.

I hope you have found yourself a shady spot on the river as we are going to have a few hot days, and please take a couple of water bottles so you can stay hydrated.

Take care of you my friend.

Hope, for grace in the dark, endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

peaceSenior Contributor10 Feb 2015, 2:21 am AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Oh @hiddenite I am still listening to all you have to say and I see all the loving caring response 's you receive. Wow what a turn around from the type of people you have had interacting with you in the past. I have read how you are grateful and appreciative. Must be hard to trust but. I myself am comforted by the fact you are receiving some excellent support. I think everyone here knows to some degree the suffering you are experiencing and that gives them a deeper understanding of your pain and fear. Know this darling one that they/we do care and sincerely wish to help. Keep hanging in there it may be a long road to recovery but one worth walking. I am so very impressed by your many talents and knowledge, especially on cystals. As pathetic as you may view yourself I actually admire you. Blessings to you ♡♡♡

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor10 Feb 2015, 6:20 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi everyone thanks for the support and kind words I just don't feel that I deserve it so stuck, punishing myself, even sounds stupid, I don't think it going to be possible for me to believe that I deserve to be helped or anything good to happen.

I feel selfish for wasting everyone's time, when they are suffering also.

I'm so sorry feel like I'm bring everyone down

Karen

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

-karma-Senior Contributor10 Feb 2015, 7:10 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

change can bring about a new perspective

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor10 Feb 2015, 7:19 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Wedding anniversary today, also same day as a traumatic event he did to me in 2013. I'm not managing too many triggers

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor10 Feb 2015, 9:31 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Hi Kristen

I'm thinking of you and hope everything is ok.

Tomorrow is a new day when the sun rises and the birds are singing to a new day, I will be thinking of you and wishing you the courage and strength to get through another day.

Take care

Karen

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

kristinSenior Contributor10 Feb 2015, 11:07 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Anniversaries are so horrible. They mean one thing to many people, and another thing altogether for trauma survivors. My thoughts and prayers are with you Karen. Hope endures for a new day dawning...

Lind regards,

Kristin

In response to: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

peaceSenior Contributor11 Feb 2015, 1:46 am AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

@hiddenite you are worthy just as much as any human being is of receiving care, comfort and help . Sorry you are feeling like your being selfish. Your not selfish maybe its like how I get sometimes, desperately needing help, love, direction and well plain saving. Although I have not endured your years of abuse I can not imagine how you feel. I admire your ability to keep hanging in there and your care for others. You also said it is a bad day, too many triggers. How horrible for you, sorry. Hope you have gotten through this day and tomorrow I pray to be easier for you.

In response to: Re: Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

hiddeniteSenior Contributor11 Feb 2015, 6:12 pm AEDT

Re: Despair potential trigger: abuse

Wow what a hot day to spend in the car. Sure punished myself today.

Thursday, is the assessment with the Cat team. My back is against a wall and there is no way out. Two hours reliving the trauma, that's if I can even get myself there, park the car, walk into the waiting room and speak let alone all the other triggers, which could fill the page.

My gp has recommend I go back to the mhu.

If I don't go to the appointment they will call the police.

There isn't a good option available, I feel threatened, bullied and left without options.

I cannot manage the extra pressure this has put on me.

I don't know what to do.

Karen

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