Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Hi @hiddenite

It's good to hear from you. Sorry the site didn't have anything new or helpful to offer. I know what you mean about remembering to use the grounding techniques when you are already triggered. I struggle with that myself.

I have been told (and it seems to work for me to the extent that I can practice it) that the idea is to practice at least a couple of techniques often, so that when you start feeling triggered you can do it pretty much automatically. I think Sandy has been using it for longer than me and if not, my guess is, far moreeffectively than me. So @Alessandra1992 what do you think - have I got that bit right?

My favourite one is called being a tree, but I can't seem to find quite the same one on the internet. Here is one that seems similar - the actual grounding exercise doesn't start until halfway down the page so you might want to scroll down to there and see if it appeals to you. I love trees, I feel more connected when I am in the bush and doing this seems to come more naturally to me. I like to do it standing up, but this one also has a version for sitting or lying down. I thought of this one because of your tree of life necklace, and I hope it might be of some help.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

Hi Kristen

Hope you've had a lovely day.

I like to visualize the river, and every negative thought I put on a leaf and watch it flow down the river.

You are so lucky having it in your back yard I miss the sounds and peace it brings.

Take care

Karen

Hi Karen,

It has been a good day. I went to church this morning with my little girl, then my cousin and his wife brought lunch over and we caught up with each other's news - there's been a lot.

I hope your day has been good. Was it clear or hazy where you were? I noticed when I was in Warby that it was overcast and much cooler, here it was quite sunny and hot. My cousin said it was overcast and cooler all the way from the outskirts of Melbourne to Warby, they got such a surprise it was sunny when they arrived.

I have actually done that you know - writing on leaves and letting the river carry them away. It was the year before last when I was doing an ECASA Trauma focussed Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (TACT) course. They had it as a meditation, but as soon as I heard about it I visualised myself really doing it. So I listened to my favourite song, Nichole Nordeman's River God , then sat and wrote on each autumn leaf with a black texta - just one or two words representing the pain and grief I wanted to be able to let go of.

I took them to the river and to start with I just dropped them in, but instead of floating away they got tangeld in some twigs nearby. I needed to send them on their way, and my nosey neighbours would have loved to know what I was doing - I didn't want anything left for them to find.

So then I tried to shake them loose by wiggling the top of the twigs, but it didn't work. I ended up overbalancing on the step I was standing on and one foot went into the cold river up nearly to the top of my Blunny. I was thinking "oh my god any second now I am going to have a very wet very cold foot!" Amazingly no water got into my Blundstone and I didn't fall into the river, I managed to get myself back up with two feet on the step. So I found a bigger stick and had to do a lot of poking around to get the leaves loose and watch them flow away down the river as I had hoped they would.

After that I threw the leaves in quite forcefully much further out into the current so they didn't get caught in the eddies near the bank, and they floated away. I had a cry, but I also had to laugh. It was such a great metaphor for how difficult it is to let go of extremely painful stuff. We might be willing to let it go, but sometimes we have to shake it loose much more vigorously - or at least that has been my experience . My near dunking in the river, and lucky escape, also struck me as quite hilarious at the time - I think partly in relief, I'm scared of water and I don't much like the cold either!

Your visualisation remind me also of a bit of a mantra which I try to use when I am distressed, which helps me recall the peace of the river - I say to myself: "Me in the river, and the river in me". I visualise the cool river, always flowing to the sea, flowing over me; and then the cool calm flowing through me. It helps ground me sometimes.

I agree I am very blessed to have it so near. It's not quite in my backyard, there's a river easement of about 10 metres or so between my yard and the river, but it is almost. I can understand why you miss it.

Take care of you too.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Hi Kristen

I'm glad you had a nice day sound like you enjoyed yourself.

Went for a walk this morning up the trail.

Saw the gp he wants me back in mhu before Thursday.

Sat by the river shaking so much even getting this down is so difficult.

So tired of all this.

I hope everyone is ok and managing the best they can

Take care

Karen

I promised myself I would never go back into a MHU. I'm sick of people threatening me, the Catt team, the police, going back in a MHU. This is no way to live..... Can't they see how much pain I'm in hurting.

They are putting more pressure on me than I can manage

Hi @hiddenite we haven't met,

correct me if i'm wrong, but from reading your previous posts, you have an inner strength that keeps you moving even through the toughest of times.

I hear you, this won't be an easy 'pill', (pardon the pun) to swallow, but reflect on where you have come from, and use this to manage what is before you.

We're here to support you as you've already discovered

Hi karma

Thanks for stopping by.

You must be mistaken, I'm the pathetic, worthless, hopeless, waste of space that allowed someone to do horrific things for 24 years. Ashamed and loathe myself. Believe I deserve it for not being good enough. So ashamed, overwhelmed and distressed.

So strength not me, even hide in my car everyday.

Take care

Karen

@hiddenite

It would appear that your abuser has you believing, what I guess he has spouted towards you for a very long period of time.

I thought you might be interested in reading @kenny66 posts about his view on MHU, as another way to view what might be before you, here

http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Bipolar-type-1-with-Schizophrenia-and-major-depressive-disorder/m-p/17820#M2408

My experience of a MHU was that I was attacked twice in my room, passed out because I couldn't manage the communal eating, no psych on ward, they just sedated everyone and only saw a nurse when I had to have meds.

They also told me that the public system was unable to help.

Didn't even refer me to anyone. No help no support.....and they want to send me back there.

I don't understand....

Why do the psychs I see say they are unable to help me.

Just confirms that I'm too damaged to be fixed. Not worth helping.

@hiddenite

people have very different experiences each time they stay in a MHU. One thing's for sure, change is constant. So I encourage you to not assume that this stay will be the same as your previous.