Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Yes it is awful.

I work very hard not to just be awful back to them, but only to respond to what needs to be responded to - and in as non-inflammatory a way as possible. It has been really horrible at times, they invade my privacy, ring the police or council if I do anything they don't like, etc.

The grace in it is that my efforts to not just retailate in kind have resulted in so many blessings through self-understanding and insight (the guy next door reminds me of the first person who abused me when I was a child, the woman reminds me of my maternal grandmother).

My psych and I joke about the fact that these people who put such efforts into making themselves the banes of my life have brought so many blessings my way. Because when I'm suffering so much I turn to God for help, and although I might not get the help I wanted I find the help I needed - it's often a change within myself.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

Sorry guys triggering so badly head down hard to breathe bad chest pain......so sick of this

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I'm so sorry they did that @hiddenite . The incredible stupidity and outright abusiveness of some police just leaves me reeling.

My son's girlfriend was telling me about something that happened to her last year when she made a disclosure at school - even some specialist CA/SA unit officers are apparently clueless. And the caring committed ones seem to end up with PTSD for their dedication, like our wonderful @Loopy (hope you are travelling ok my friend). It makes me so angry sometimes!

The rose quartz with the tree sounds very beautiful.

Take care of you hey?

I hope you stay safe tonight @hiddenite

I wish you a restful night embraced in angels wings, peace be with you.

Kind regards,

Kristin

@hiddenite

Hi Hiddenite, I have not written to you before, as i have had a few things i have had to process and deal with myself, i see that you have crystals to help ground you, i learnt a little bit about them from my ex, she was quite well versed in them and how they help and heal, it is good that you have them to help ground you.

I decided to write to you tonight, because i saw your message "if i wrote my feelings down, i would be locked up and the key thrown away" I really understand that feeling, because it is the same thoughts i have/had myself. I have written so much in this forum, that i would not say to anyone, i also have two journals, i have one on my PC for when i am in a typing mood, and i have a book.

What i write in this forum is pretty heavily edited sometimes, but one thing i have found very helpful was my journals. I have written some pretty hmmm out there stuff in them, at first i said to myself that these are for my eyes only, No one will read what is written except me, and so i would write everything that was in my head, thoughts, feelings, memories, questions so many questions, and writing the questions i would also write answers, i found by not over thinking the writing or answer i would empty all my thoughts and worries into it.

I have thankfully found a good psychologist and psychiatrist, That when i was comfortable with them, i showed them my Journal book, they read it and it gave them such a more appropriate insight into me, then they had picked up from talking. I am very closed off emotionally, i don't speak very much in session, and i find when trying to open up, face to face with someone my brain fogs up and i struggle to be able to let them know exactly how i am, words seem to dissapear from me.

Now this is something that has helped me, i am in no means saying you have to or should do it, but it might help you to bridge a gap to help you be able to find help and healing in your time of need.

Remember your strength is there it is just hard for you to find at the moment, but reading through your posts, i can see the strength their, i can see your determination at seeking help. It has taking me quite awhile to get to where i am at, and i still have moments of doubt, so i post here or i write in one of my journals, and when i read back through the posts of mine, the journal entries i have written i can see how i have endured i can see my strength and i can see hope

Like i said it is just a suggestion to hopefully help you to process what you are going through and what you have been through

I hope this helps

Thank you

Hi kato

Thank you for sharing a bit about yourself with me.

I'm glad that writing helps you so much. I do have a note book I take everywhere, it has my grounding techniques, mindfulness, things to distract, posative affirmations etc. I find when I'm in a dark place its difficult to remember what to do to stay in the present and safe. Oh Nik it has the support numbers also.

I did write all my symptoms down in it, and a lot of the trauma. Just because when I have to talk about it and relive it I am unable to talk. So I show them the note book. My memory isn't any good either ....

I have written some of my thoughts down but they scared me so much I stopped. They just looked like a final good bye and made the dark stuff worse.

I appreciate your help I'm certainly open to any suggestions.

Take care

Hey Kristen

I did look at that sight and I'm already doing what they suggest daily, just to get through. Not the journal bit, might give it another go.

I appreciate your support I hope you managed to get your feet wet. Been so hot.

Take care.

I wanted to thank everyone for their kindness and unconditional support, you are an awesome group of people I am very lucky to have the support when things are so dark for me.

Take care