Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Are you back at your parents' now?

Hey Seuss

Thanks

Yea

I wish I could go back the abuse was better than this.....

I'm so glad you got back safely. That's a bit of a drive. I find I really have to concentrate when I'm very distressed or overwhelmed, otherwise I tend to dissociate a bit and my autopilot driving is not that great.

Warby is so lovely. The first time I came up here nearly 10 years ago I fell in love with it, and then on about the third visit I noticed a small quiet voice sighing "home" just as we saw the sign saying Warburton Xkms. I was living in the middle of the city at the time. So thankfully now it is home.

I hear there's a platypus with young in the river this year, have you seen it? I find the South side of the river is so busy these days, it's hard to believe a town like Warburton has traffic jams but it does - especially on weekends at around 3 o'clock ! It's much quieter on the North side, although even that is getting busier.

That's why I like it where we are. At least it's mostly fairly quiet. Except when the neighbours decide to make a racket, they are very inconsiderate. They also have loud conversations outside which means we hear their business whether we want to or not. I go around closing the windows and internal doors on that side of the house when they start up so I can't hear them.

Hold on to hope please @hiddenite - this too will pass, although I know it is excruciating now. You are doing really well getting through.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

That's painfully honest of you @hiddenite . Do you want to talk about why? Is it because you feel so alone now?

I'm up there six days a week, I an finding the driving extremely difficult especially when I become detached, dissociate. Was in Don valley for over ten years. Few acres...I know what you mean about neighbors.

Haven't seen the platypus, might have to get out of the car one day.

No being alone and isolated is what I want.

Living with the catastrophic events that are happening to me now is worse. All the symptoms that I cannot manage anymore, watching myself deteriorate, knowing that l fought for so long to stay safe now I need protecting from myself.

I think you have some understanding of how bad this is, not being able to function and endless symptoms....

All too much to manage

-

The police scare me they came to the house to tell me he had passed away. They have been called out 5 times to do welfare checks and most of them are men.

The flashbacks make me feel that my husband is still alive.

My main trigger is men.

Do anything to avoid triggers that why I isolate myself.

To scared to live