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Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

Kathryn13Casual Contributor03 Aug 2025, 11:07 pm AEST

Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

hi all,

I recently lost my dear brother to suicide. We are 14 months apart in age.

this past week, there has been a stream of condolences and as much as I understand their intended kindness to allievate my pain, these well wishes don’t understand, that yes I am heart broken by his passing, but I am also re-experiencing this disenfranchised grief of losing my brother to severe mental illness, this has been so very isolating and traumatic for so long. My wound did not begin three weeks ago, and I can’t be bothered listening to their advice or stories or anything really. I’ve politely replied via text, but I cannot give anymore. I’m now 45 and my brother 46, our parents both passed. I have no interest in being consoled by those who have no idea, as I am not consoled during this, rather I’m listening to them. I haven’t quite found the words, I feel more ease in my solitude at present. Anyone else had a similar experience or thoughts.? Thank you

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In response to: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

tymeModerator17 Aug 2025, 7:11 pm AEST

Re: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

Great stuff @MedicinalGypsy . It's a start.

How are you @Kathryn13 ?

In response to: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

MedicinalGypsySenior Contributor21 Aug 2025, 12:49 am AEST

Re: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

Yeah nah repeating the experience isn't working for me it's causing extremely emotions heart races I've have experienced alot of traumatic experiences drowning in grief, I've decided to get some super out and I am seeing a lady tomorrow make sure we both fit for what I need I've got complex disease ontop of cptsd dysregulated emotionally nervous system had it I've no tolerance 😭
Thank you all for supporting and checking in, sane emailed me unfortunately they can support one of the matters I'm going through so there email says.
I just wanted to receive some calmness to come back and anxiety omg what a crippling nerve wrecking procrastinating anti social behaviour ugg
I've never procrastined in my life until 2 years ago
And dissociate since 2023 after another traumatic event happened and now I have moments of rage and anger another emotion I've never experienced to this level they heart racing and sweating

Night people sending love and strength to you all

❤️

In response to: Re: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

rav3nSenior Contributor21 Aug 2025, 11:07 am AEST

Re: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

i'm sorry to hear how overwhelming and heavy it's been, having a dysregulated nervous system can make it hard for us to process things and feel calm @MedicinalGypsy

i just wanted to link in our Wind-down Wednesdays thread in case you wanted to work through some self-regulating tools with the community. you're always welcome to pop in there and try out some of techniques we've discussed 😊

In response to: Re: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

MedicinalGypsySenior Contributor21 Aug 2025, 11:12 am AEST

Re: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

@rav3n ooo thank you 😊 I've quickly gone and looked 🙏

In response to: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

SBEContributor02 Oct 2025, 6:04 pm AEST

Re: Sibling grief - I recently lost my brother - death by suicide

I lost my brother to suicide last year too, he was in his mid 30s and similar age gap, about 18 months apart. It is so hard when they have struggled for many years with mental health issues. I truly don't think people can understand it unless they have been through a similar situation. The grief, and strain on relationships has been ongoing for many years and death has been an additional grief that I'm still coming to terms with. I still think I haven't comprehended it fully. I also lost another immediate family member last year too.

It is 100% your grief and you don't have to cushion any egos if people have 'helpful ideas'. Or fill people's own needs to feel helpful. I think there can also be so much complexity if anyone who knew the person is dealing with grief and try to lean on you when you are struggling yourself.

What I'm slowly learning is to look after myself first and foremost, trying to spend time doing what makes me happy and peaceful, and while I've been the empath everyone seems to come to, trying to not feel obliged to always put other's feelings, needs and advice before my own. I've had to communicate some pretty strong emotional boundaries with people in my life, but I say 'the focus of this is about me and for my own needs, it has nothing to do with you!' It takes that onus of the person feeling like they've done something wrong. If that makes sense.

Take care

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