TW: The 'real' me inside - I come with an SI warning

@AlwaysMyself Wow there you go! It’s great you had a good catch up and that you both could just be yourselves. Now that the medical people are finally properly recognising autism etc. and there’s more information it helps people understand themselves better even without a formal diagnosis. What I liked is that you could both share together openly and thwt makes me happy you have that connection.

He does like to play but they don’t teach them tug or fetch. I have a very tiny yard too small for a lab to exercise. I rely on the fenced park nearby but on hot days we can’t get to it. It’s too hot on the ground and in Melbourne the heat holds steady at night too. He loves a good snifari at the park though.

i have a small air con in the lounge. It helps a bit. Doesn’t work properly as one part is missing and real estate and owner won’t fix but it’s better than nothing.

Im glad you had a shower today I hear you on the pressure when staying with other people.

Are you going to rest a bit after your long drive? Yes send some cool weather our way lol! 😂

Thank you 😊. It was very good to see that friend. Since she lives in a country area without good phone reception plus she has 2 children we don't get to talk often either. Sometimes when she drives home from work she would call me tp chat for 10 minutes before the phone reception drops out as she gets closer to home lol. But now she works at home mostly and doesn't do the drive much. I feel it is a very Australian country problem - no phone reception at home!

Snifaris are great. My dogs love to sniff as they walk also. And then know to keep walking when told to also, if there is something I don't want them to sniff. My dogs also like the fenced dog parks - one of them likes to run and play with other dogs if there are any, but my boy just takes a self-guided snifari with some "territory marking" along the way for the next dog to have a snifari of. 🤭. He used to play with other dogs though at the park - but often there would not be other dogs to play with, which is why we decided to get our second dog. Now i think he plays with her at home, so when he goes to the park he doesnt usually 😅.

Both my dogs like greeting people on lead also. So when i go for a walk or to a cafe they like to meet people. And they of course sniff the people too if they have pets! 🤭 Does Wilbur sniff people also if they have animal smell on their clothing?

My dogs will also sniff me if i have visited other dogs or cats. 🤭

I'm glad some of the aircon works to help a bit. But I am disheartened and sorry that your landlord does not have it fixed properly. I hope you pay less in rent because some things do not work. It is not fair to advertise it has aircon and then not have it working.

Last week the hot water in my apartment that is now being rented out (since i moved back to my mums for support earlier in the year), so I immediately agreed with the property manager to get in the plumber to see and fix the problem that same day. I think it is important to be a good landlord and provide working things and get fixes as quick as possible. I hear so many stories from friends about landlords who don't fix things - including mould which is dangerous. I guess mould is hard to get rid of, but that is the risk with renting out a property - you save the rental income to pay for maintenance and fixes to it.

I had a nice long nap for nearly 3 hours this afternoon after we got back from lunch. 🤭. Woke up at 6pm lol. Still full from lunch so don't need dinner.

My dad wants to play a boardgame with me and his partner. Apparently she does not like boardgames much, but he thinks she will play - just waiting for her to return from shopping. I bought my dad Cheaters Monopoly a few years ago because he and his siblings would often try to cheat in games when i grew up, so i figured he would like a game where you are meant to try and cheat. Maybe you steal from the bank, or you avoid paying rent when you land on a properly, or you lie about what your card says you do, or you move the wrong number of spaces (or move someone else's token instead!).

I grew up playing mostly card games with my dad's side of the family. But with my mum, dad and sister at home we would play boardgames also. They are good for thinking and strategy - which i now appreciate learning from a young age.

Tomorrow i plan to take my dad out to paint some 3d plaster figures - to a place that my mum used to take me in the school holidays as a teenager. He come once or twice and enjoyed it, so i thought it would be a good activity together. Although it is a 1.5 hour drive each way from his house to go there! But if they are still a good price i might buy extra to bring home, like i did with the ones from Melbourne. 😉. But the owner of the place must surely have changed, because the fellow doing it when i went 20 years ago was already around retiree age! I hope the quality and range is still as good as it used to be. They had so much variety in the past - it was in a warehouse so plenty of space and cheap rent.

I wish i could take you with me! It wouldnt matter how much you can or cannot see, as long as you would enjoy it. 😊. I remember my first plaster i painted as a 4 year old, it was... colourful we shall say 🤣. But it is perfect in its own way 🥰. Just like when i make something i am not skilled at - it doesn't matter if i am not good at it, so long as i enjoy doing it and making the memory.

.... as long as i don't burn the house down, right?? 🤣🤣🤣 oh sometimes cooking does not go as planned haha.

When you do something clumsy or make a mistake, do you later feel able to laugh about it with friends?

Its how I cope with life - find the funny side to share with others.

Did I ever tell you how I once forgot my friend was blind when I took her to a supermarket? I forgot, and didnt tell her there was a stack of boxes in front that she walked into. 🫣 Oops. I appologised and she laughed - she appreciated that I saw her not as a blind person but just as a friend i was going to the supermarket with, which is why I forgot to warn her and walk her around the boxes. 😅🤣. I fail as a guide dog!

Hello @AlwaysMyself

How is everything going today my friend 🧡

Hi @Shaz51 , lovely of you to check in. 🥰

I'm currently away from home visiting a family member, which is both a good change of scenery and ability to also see a friend or two whilst here - but also can be challenging being around that family member.

@Cuddlebear yes he is challenging to be around. He does not listen in conversations, even after he asks a question. He makes up answers in his own head sometimes i think based on what he thinks? Because later he will state something as though it was your answer earlier when it was not. He does not have any patience for other people doing things he is not interested in and will try to rush people (rather than just wait for them at their normal pace, which isn't slow).

Most difficult for me is that he asks questions and doesn't listen to the answers. I find that the hardest thing to be around for more than an hour! 😅 communication is really important to me. Its not just me he does it to - i see him do it to my sister and in the past my mum, and now his current wife also. It is just him. I actually wonder if maybe his brain has some non-hyperactive adhd 🤔 because he is always thinking of 10 different things and switching conversations between them without warning for example. My mum doesnt think so though. But maybe he is worse now than he was when they were together... i dont remember, it was 15 years ago.

It was good to do the painting today. It is an activity that doesnt need conversation but can still be some conversation and spending time "together".

I bought a number of plasters to take home also 😉. 🤭.

I wonder what you both got up to today? @Cuddlebear @Shaz51

Oh, I saw a Monstera (?) leaf plant in the shops yesterday and thought of you @Shaz51 . 😊

@Cuddlebear I hear you with the anxiety and dread this morning. Sitting with you.

Can i help reality-check those fears with you?

I have been cooking red lentils for lunch for my dad and I. But of course i dont feel like eating now that i am tired from cooking.

Here is a photo. The deep red colour is not just the lentils but also the ethiopian berbere spice.

I wish i could just sit with you and Wilbur and eat bbq chicken and a greek salad. Mm cucumber and feta and capsicum..

It is just him., is this your dad @AlwaysMyself , sorry he wont change now

what is his age if that is ok to ask ?

red lentils for lunch -- on their own @AlwaysMyself

wish I can just sit with you and Wilbur and eat bbq chicken and a greek salad. Mm cucumber and feta and capsicum.. -- me too @Cuddlebear

I think the 3 of us can have an imaginary virtual picnic together @Shaz51 @Cuddlebear 🥰. I am guessing that @Shaz51 will bring the coffee? 🤭😊😁 I'll make mine into an iced coffee.

My dad's partner has just left yesterday to visit her family overseas, so just me and him until i go home on saturday or sunday. I get so irritated with him so easily - he is so so hard to talk to because he does not listen, then he randomly switches topic without context, then he goes on rants about politics for half an hour and you can't even discuss it to understand his perspective because he won't explain why he believes what he believes - he just restates his belief as a fact. And then if i make conversation about something (no politics, lol) and he decides he doesnt like the topic (even if he started it!) then he gets annoyed and says I am "talking on about it and not giving it a rest" - mostly if my opinion is not identical to his, but sometimes even when i am supporting something he says -- but i think that is because he does not listen to what i have said and is thinking i will be saying something he disagrees with. For example today i responded to him that it is good that he and his partner shares housework based on their skills and interests. For this one sentance i got told i was "going on and on and not giving it a rest". I think he expected me to say that his delegation of cooking to his wife was a traditional-minded sexist practice -- but i can only guess this. He is *very* anti-feminist. I am not a feminist, but i am also not a non-feminist. I am neutral and assess things within their wider context.

@AlwaysMyself That is very frustrating. It sounds like he has his own opinion which he thinks is always fact and doesn’t want to listen to anyone else saying anything else.

Re the comment you made about cooking delegation you are likely correct in thinking he is thinking you are thinking he’s sexist. I find it hard to be around men who are very anti feminist. I like to view all humans as equal. I also do think there’s multiple genders. I’m a feminist and have some very strong opinions on the issue however I do listen to the opinions of others too and can discuss without character assassinations. A lot of my research includes a feminist perspective because in most situations if it is a woman the negative impact is worse. But there’s intersections too like race, sexuality etc etc. For example, women and men with disabilities experience violence however women with disabilities experience increased violence that is more likely to cause death or disability. Indigenous women experience the worst violence in Australia and can be from white men too. I don’t agree with all the “schools of feminism”. There’s different types of feminists. It’s a complicated subject matter but on an everyday basis we still live in a patriarchal society whilst in Australia have also made gains towards equality.

How do you cope with the way which your dad communicates? I read earlier you said he’s always being like this.

Yes, this is the frustration with my father - he would say he considers all gender/people equal and that feminism is anti-male and thus unequal. Yes i am rolling my eyes as i type this @Cuddlebear ! His beliefs are not my beliefs. I know there are some extreme people who are anti-male, but i don't consider that what feminism is. But i suppose I have always avoided subscribing to things with a label because of how people then misunderstand and assume what you then believe (like my dad does). I agree with all your comments on what feminism is about to you and why recognising the discrimination is important. Intersectionality as you describe is also such a real and dishearteningly discriminatory issue - i have learned a little more about it over the past few years through reading and discussing with a friend.

My father's dogmatic beliefs are... well, his.

As a younger adult i would pose alternative perspectives or challenge the basis for his beliefs. But i learned that this has no positive outcome with him - he will not examine the false claims some of his beliefs are set on, nor will he actually discuss or debate the issues. And nothing will change his belief. Even when he was promoting a video on social media with "facts" that were "referenced" and i looked up the references and copied them all to him so he could see that they were not at all what the video claimed... well, he just does not reply to those messages and ignores them.

So all we can do is roll our eyes and not common when it is his "usual" topics. Then he will stop talking about it quicker we hope. If it is a "new" belief i havent heard him talk of before, then i may ask the reasoning behind it to learn more - but usually do not get any actual explanation.

@AlwaysMyself If I had a dollar for every time a make said feminism is anti-male I’d be very rich. There are extreme women I totally get that but the vast majority are not extreme. Feminism itself is not extreme. We just want equal rights that is an egalitarian society and stuff like control over our own bodies, not to be raped etc etc. And for many of us we would love violence against women and children to stop. That doesn’t mean we don’t want any violence against men to stop we do want that to stop too.

Some people are very dogmatic and stuck in their ways. They won’t accept any facts presented whatsoever. Even when it is literally scientific and a fact. I see that in the people who support President Trump because President Trump promotes a lot of lies as facts. I realise politicians lie a lot but he’s another level all together. Same with people who don’t believe we have an issue with the environment and climate change. Or who think animal cruelty is ok because they believe animals are not worthy of loving care like humans. Some even believe animals can’t feel fear etc.

Your dad sounds dogmatic and not interested in seeing the science behind his views as evidenced by what you did as a younger woman. Some people are like this which can be frustrating and annoying. It also makes it hard to talk about anything because they get annoyed very easily.

You sound open minded and interested to learn about what others think and why! That’s such a good way of living life. I’m not always right thwts for sure and learn from other people. I’m open minded and consider as best I can what facts/science etc Peoplw base their views on. I think you are the same way.