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Here goes nothing.

toastedfoxCasual Contributor24 July 2025, 9:09 pm AEST

Here goes nothing.

Hey there.

There's no way to lay everything out as it is, and there's no way to condense it in a nice little package either, but hopefully you'll stick with me and I'll do my best to knock out the big pressure points.

I'm currently a full-time carer for my mum, who has multiple physical disabilities and severe mobility issues. She has her faculties and her senses, but even a couple of years into this, I'm discovering there's a lot to someone who used to be the social butterfly, the free-wheeling life of the party, losing most of her physical agency and ability to do most anything on her own. My dad is extremely emotionally unregulated and unaware, and I've borne the brunt of that for as long as I can remember. Without getting too detailed, a lot of early memories involve feeling terrified and confused by the chaos - but then I have some pretty 'good' memories too, which makes me feel like I can't say I had it that bad.

I've been living with major depressive disorder for a long time, with a couple of major episodes with some close encounters with... deleting my real life profile in recent years. There's anxiety in there too, and a recent ADHD and high-functioning/high-masking ASD diagnosis; working with an admittedly wonderful mental health support team of my GP, psychologist and psychiatrist is unravelling and revealing a lot beneath even what I thought I'd already unpacked, but there's something different about connecting to real people who... get it. I've been masking and performing my entire life, and I don't know what it is to be myself without performing 'the person' that I thought I wanted people to see. That person was a high-achiever, thrived in stress, and was doing well professionally... Until I wasn't.

I guess I am looking for a space where I can share things, whether it's sounding off into the void, or hearing from people who have had complicated familial relationships and/or complex mental health issues themselves. I'm not sure if I'm looking for comfort, or solutions, or both - or neither.

Sometimes a chat, and being able to hear someone else's problems and listening without worrying about my own, is really nice too.

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In response to: Here goes nothing.

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor26 July 2025, 8:59 am AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

I'm really glad to hear you've got a good neuro-afferiming therapist in your supports @toastedfox .🙂 I hope/wish you good progress on figuring out the masking-unmasking-conditioning to help feel better (and less tired? Im guessing here, but I know myself and from others how exhausting masking can be!).

I wonder if the therapist can also help (if you wanted) with how to not emotionally 'take on' the feelings/stress from the family, even if they're things you are listening to and helping with?

This is something I've been learning a little about this year, as I'm often OK with doing this but I've realised when it comes to injustice or bullying/etc I do absorb the emotions myself which is not helpful. I wonder if this could also help you in your carer and only-child roles?

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

Shaz51Senior Contributor27 July 2025, 12:24 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

hello @toastedfox

how are you going today my friend

I have only my husband at home now

letting you know that you are not alone , sending you understanding hugs

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 July 2025, 1:45 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

@toastedfox @AlwaysMyself identify as Aspie some of the time, and often reflect on masking. Lately, I am finding it easier to be me, be social and have more fun. I still tend to be a people pleaser, but somehow have more jokes up my sleeve, and things are more comfortable. It took a long time, cos, it was 60! Somehow I needed to work on my toolbox, of what I could say and mean and connect with others with. Today , a “bloo dy” …. came up… so I am quick to apologise about my French. lol… I guess for a long time, I had too many serious issues, so had to get them solved a bit, before I could lighten up. I can empathise for those who can’t. The world isn’t always ready for what we got to share.

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor27 July 2025, 1:50 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

That's so good to hear @Appleblossom !

I think all people still have some of those days where we may let things slip through our filters 🫣🤭.

I had to learn to be less serious too 😅. It wanst easy, and I still tend to take some things too seriously. But I have a better balance now than I did 15-20 years ago. I think that's why I enjoy Role Play Games because I can do silly ideas without real consequences.

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

tymeModerator28 July 2025, 8:37 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

Thank you for sharing about your experiences as a full time carer @Snowie .

I hear the challenges it can be sometimes @Snowie @Shaz51 @toastedfox .

I hope a space like this is somwhere where we can both celebrate those wins, but also work through some of the challenges that come with being a carer.

@Shaz51 has been a long time advocate for carers.

I think it's so so so important that carers are recognised and have supports in place.

@toastedfox , what's working/not-working for you at the moment? Is there any specific support you'd like to seek for the community here?

We just want you to know that you are not alone in your carer journey.

In response to: Here goes nothing.

Shaz51Senior Contributor28 July 2025, 8:44 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

@toastedfox

Hear for you to chat or share anything that is on our minds

It is soo good to talk to others

@tyme , @AlwaysMyself , @Appleblossom , @Snowie , @Healandlove

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