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Here goes nothing.

toastedfoxCasual Contributor24 July 2025, 9:09 pm AEST

Here goes nothing.

Hey there.

There's no way to lay everything out as it is, and there's no way to condense it in a nice little package either, but hopefully you'll stick with me and I'll do my best to knock out the big pressure points.

I'm currently a full-time carer for my mum, who has multiple physical disabilities and severe mobility issues. She has her faculties and her senses, but even a couple of years into this, I'm discovering there's a lot to someone who used to be the social butterfly, the free-wheeling life of the party, losing most of her physical agency and ability to do most anything on her own. My dad is extremely emotionally unregulated and unaware, and I've borne the brunt of that for as long as I can remember. Without getting too detailed, a lot of early memories involve feeling terrified and confused by the chaos - but then I have some pretty 'good' memories too, which makes me feel like I can't say I had it that bad.

I've been living with major depressive disorder for a long time, with a couple of major episodes with some close encounters with... deleting my real life profile in recent years. There's anxiety in there too, and a recent ADHD and high-functioning/high-masking ASD diagnosis; working with an admittedly wonderful mental health support team of my GP, psychologist and psychiatrist is unravelling and revealing a lot beneath even what I thought I'd already unpacked, but there's something different about connecting to real people who... get it. I've been masking and performing my entire life, and I don't know what it is to be myself without performing 'the person' that I thought I wanted people to see. That person was a high-achiever, thrived in stress, and was doing well professionally... Until I wasn't.

I guess I am looking for a space where I can share things, whether it's sounding off into the void, or hearing from people who have had complicated familial relationships and/or complex mental health issues themselves. I'm not sure if I'm looking for comfort, or solutions, or both - or neither.

Sometimes a chat, and being able to hear someone else's problems and listening without worrying about my own, is really nice too.

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In response to: Here goes nothing.

tymeModerator24 July 2025, 9:21 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

Hey @toastedfox !

Thanks for popping in to say hello and share a little about yourself.

From what you said about what you were hoping to achieve on the forums, it sounds like this may just be the place.

These forums are anonymous. You can share whatever's happening for you in a safe way (as long as it aligns with community guidelines)

It sounds like you have a full time caring role and I'm mindful that this can be both rewarding and taxing.

You may want to meet @Shaz51 who is one of our awesome carer's on the forums. There are also many others you may like to meet @Oaktree @Till23 @Snowie

In response to: Here goes nothing.

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor24 July 2025, 9:23 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

I hear you.

I can't imagine what it must be like being a fulltime carer to your mum, and having a father who doesn't regulate well - let alone with having your own MDD and Anxiety too! But I'm open to listening to your experience and getting insight into your challenges, successes and lived experience.

I can relate to the masking. I'm not diagnosable ASD (to my knowledge) but I have a lot of ASD-like traits, just missing a few key diagnostic criteria. I've had to mask and adjust all my life to "fit in" with people, and socially feel so far away - but every now and then I find people who I don't have to mask with, and they're the gems for me.

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

tymeModerator24 July 2025, 9:38 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

Hey @toastedfox , our dear @AlwaysMyself has responded to you in the post above. Hope you don't miss it.

@AlwaysMyself , if you want to tag members in so they get a notification of your message, feel free to type "@" before their username e.g. @toastedfox

I look forward to seeing you around on the forums!

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor24 July 2025, 9:43 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

No worries, will do from now. I'm not much of a tagger as I never know if people want notifications beyond just "there is a response". But happy to do so now I know that's the general community preference. 🙂

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

tymeModerator24 July 2025, 9:50 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

@AlwaysMyself , some people will explicitly ask you not to tag them, and we totally respect that.

When you tag members, they get a notification sent to them so they know you have responded and they can come back to read your post - we wouldn't want to miss it!

There is also an option to turn off notifications in user settings if members want to.

I look forward to seeing you around on the forums more!

In response to: Here goes nothing.

Shaz51Senior Contributor25 July 2025, 2:34 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

Hello and welcome @toastedfox

I was a full-time carer for my mum

my husband and 4 step children who are adults now have ADHD and high-functioning ASD diagnosis;

If you like i can tag you to our chat nights and the coffee threads

hello @AlwaysMyself , @tyme

In response to: Here goes nothing.

SnowieSenior Contributor25 July 2025, 4:57 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

Hi @toastedfox

I am a full time carer for my mother too.

On top of that I also have major depressive disorder and C-Ptsd.

I really hope that you find what you are looking for on here and find it as supportive as I have.

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

toastedfoxCasual Contributor25 July 2025, 11:16 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

Thanks for taking the time to read and say hello @tyme

I'll be sure to have a proper gander on the forums!

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

toastedfoxCasual Contributor25 July 2025, 11:28 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

Hiya @AlwaysMyself

I'm glad to hear you have those people around you. I think there's more of an issue for me in not knowing how to explicitly un-mask (it only happens when I'm on my own or if I get too comfortable in a setting, but the second I'm aware of it, the performance goes on!), and not always knowing whether I'm having a conditioned response... But a neurodivergent-affirming therapist is helping!

Wouldn't say I have the most conducive setting to have this journey on, but I suppose it could always be a lot worse! I'm an only child, so deliberate or not, I tend to shock-absorb anything that my family can't handle well as individuals just by being the 'younger' party in the house.

In response to: Re: Here goes nothing.

toastedfoxCasual Contributor25 July 2025, 11:30 pm AEST

Re: Here goes nothing.

I'm 100% sure you've got more patience and compassion than I do @Shaz51 I don't know how you can be a support for more than one person, I can barely manage the one! 🙂

The chat and coffee threads sound great!

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