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Need to vent pls

BlueBaySenior Contributor15 July 2025, 6:55 pm AEST

Need to vent pls

hi everyone

i need to vent - if i can

i am emotional, angry, frustrated, sad etc etc - because i can't see my dad

i had a dream last night where i saw him and told him i love him so much - that's the problem i CAN'T see him - all because of my mum

my situation is that at the moment i haven't seen my dad (and mum) for over a year. my mum is a very controlling, manipulative narcissist who controls everything.

she was once really nice to me - all before my childhood sexual abuse came out (15 yrs ago)

after that - i have been blamed for the abuse; yelled at by her for not telling her first; told by her that i have betrayed the family.

i found out last year my dad has cancer and i was NOT told. the only person who told me was my sister only because i pushed her for answers. she first told me 'she couldn't tell me what was wrong with him' - how can a sister keep something so seroius like that away from another family member

so i don't know anything - how he is; if he is in hospital. my sister has told me she will tell me if he gos into hospital - but i am not so sure.

what if i dont' get to see my dad.

he doesn't have a mobile phone; no computer; never answers the home phone.

if i did go there i know that my mother would NOT open the door as she has done this before

does he not think about me; or why i haven't gone over to visit. she will be telling him lies to make herself look good. she will be blaming me.

she is making me suffer and pay for what i told her about my childhood abuse

this is why i blame myself

i miss my dad so so much

i really hate my mum

she has taken everythng away from me

31 replies

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In response to: Need to vent pls

rav3nSenior Contributor17 July 2025, 11:18 am AEST

Re: Need to vent pls

hey @BlueBay how are you holding up this morning?

In response to: Re: Need to vent pls

BlueBaySenior Contributor17 July 2025, 12:41 pm AEST

Re: Need to vent pls

Hi @rav3n

I’m not bad. I went to see my dr again this morning. I’m feeling like I’ve let so many people down. My dr said it’s ok if I didn’t go to the gym at least I saw little A. He said I’m really hard on myself.
im seeing him again next Tuesday.

In response to: Re: Need to vent pls

rav3nSenior Contributor17 July 2025, 1:19 pm AEST

Re: Need to vent pls

i know that feeling @BlueBay it's not easy to let go of it. practicing self-compassion can be hard, especially when we're not used to it, but it is important. you deserve kindness. i hope you're able to be gentle with yourself 💗

how was your time with little A?

In response to: Re: Need to vent pls

BlueBaySenior Contributor17 July 2025, 6:25 pm AEST

Re: Need to vent pls

hi @rav3n

i was thinking today - when i walked into my drs this morning i received a nice compliment from the nurse. she said 'gee youre looking so good, you have changed from seeing you 2 yrs ago". she kept giving me all these compliments. do you know what i did? - i quickly brushed it off and said i can't see it or feel it.

i struggle a lot with receiving compliments. BUT i can give compliments with no problem. i actually enjoy giving compliments.

my dr heard the compliment and when i walked in he mentioned that it was nice for the nurse to say that to me. i said yes i do accept her compliment and it was nice of her BUT i can't sit with this because it doens't feel right.

and i think i dont' deserve the compliment. i know it sounds weird.

In response to: Re: Need to vent pls

BlueBaySenior Contributor17 July 2025, 6:39 pm AEST

Re: Need to vent pls

Hi @rav3n

my time with little A is always beautiful

she’s so smart with so much empathy for others

she’s very strong willed but also kind

I bought her a bookmark and a pencil and she was concerned because “what if nonna you don’t have enough money”.
she’s such a sweetheart.
she is my life. She keeps me going.

In response to: Re: Need to vent pls

tymeModerator17 July 2025, 8:23 pm AEST

Re: Need to vent pls

Awww Little A, what a sweetheart! How amazing! @BlueBay

Good to hear from you my dear @BlueBay .

Here for you hun.

In response to: Re: Need to vent pls

BlueBaySenior Contributor18 July 2025, 5:34 am AEST

Re: Need to vent pls

Good morning @tyme up very early at4.55am.
sitting here with heater on having my first coffee.

I’ve got washing machine on as our power goes off at 8am-5pm. Works in our street.

going for a short walk this morning with my friend and then coffee. it’s going to be sunny and 15 deg today!!

oh no I just thought - no tv today!!!

what am I going to do. I’ll crochet a bit.

Hi @rav3n

In response to: Re: Need to vent pls

rav3nSenior Contributor18 July 2025, 10:25 am AEST

Re: Need to vent pls

aww just read about little A! she's so sweet. @BlueBay

looks like you had a really early start this morning! hope the walk and coffee with your friend went well. i'm due for a coffee too... might make myself a cuppa now!

what are you crocheting at the moment?

In response to: Re: Need to vent pls

BlueBaySenior Contributor18 July 2025, 4:25 pm AEST