How to challenge your negative thoughts

@BlueBay

I am really sorry to hear you had such a difficult New Year period. The pain and uncertainty about what is gooing on, is bad enough without also having to deal medical gaslighting.

I have a couple of friends who struggle with bowel issues and they do have a lot of pain. I hope your visit on Thursday works out, and you get some clarity and relief from it all.

Geeez BB I hope your year picks up soon.

Thanks @Appleblossom xxx

I’ll keep you posted

Hello lovely!! @BlueBay

How was your Christmas?

I just read about NYE, that sounds so, so overwhelming.

Do you have any updates regarding your physical health? 🫶

hi @AuntGlow

my christmas was lovely with our children and little A. Nice day with way too much food but that's okay. i did have a few quiet moments on my own where i was thinking of my dad and did shed a few tears.

My new year hasn't started off too great!! Update - I saw my gastroenterologist yesterday and he has suggested I have a lactulose breath test. It takes 3 hours and i have to fast the night before. He is looking for SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth). Apparently your small bowel should have a little bit of bacteria but if it has too much it causes gut issues very similar to my symptoms. I am already fructose and lactose malaborsption so it won't surprise me if i am. The specialist also said that my nervous system is most likely heightened when in pain; which makes sense.

My psychiatrist called me last night to see how i went with my gastroenterologist. So i am not able to go to work this Monday as i have to go and do this test. And just now i managed to get an appt with my psychologist in the afternoon as she has been on leave for a month and comes back this Monday.

You know i am feeling very vulnerable and fragile. at the moment i am in a 'i don't care about anything' mindset. so many things i should be doing more of to help myself but it is not easy and people just don't understand.

i talked to my psych this week about my previous therapist who used me to buy him chocolates and coffee at each session and i would instantly do it. he would want a smoke during the session so we would both go outside while he had his smoke. he was very personal towards me telling me a lot of his personal homelife. and one night after a session i was very very emotional and vulnerable that he turned to me and said 'come here for a hug' to which i did and at the time i thought he was been nice and kind. But now looking back it was the wrong thing to do. i am beating myself because i should have been stronger to stop it. But i didn't because i thought he was a nice guy and it was weekly appts. it wasn't professional looking back now. but how stupid was I? I am still angry about this; i saw this guy for 5 years and after that long time he decided to tell me one night 'sorry i can't see you anymore, i don't know how to help you'. i ran out of his rooms got in my car and broke down in tears. so many tears. he gave me no help in finding another therapist or psychologist. abandonment, rejection, shut down, hated me, i must be bad - all these thoughts were in my mind and still now too.

How was your Christmas? hoping you had a nice day xxx

Hello lovely! @BlueBay

How are you today?

I am SO glad to hear you had a lovely Christmas.

Moments where you had emotional memories and feelings about dad make perfect sense. 💛

It sounds like a lot of health stuff has come up for you, which must be so exhausting to manage... I think you're doing so well to wrangle it all and reach out for support when you need, that takes a lot of courage and capacity.

Regarding your last psychologist - please know that his behaviour wasn't okay and completely blurred the lines of your professional relationship. To do this AND drop you so quickly without support, was not fair and was not your fault at all. He was in the wrong and you deserved better.

Does your current psychologist feel safer and more supportive? 💖

Hey @BlueBay , thanks for the update. Good to see you. Sorry to hear things haven't been the best for you, health wise! At the same time, I'm glad the drs took you seriously. I know first hand how it feels to have a mental health condition and that's all drs 'see' when they see your record. I hope you feel better.

Sorry, I've been away fro 5 weeks so I didn't get to respond earlier.

It sounds great to spend time with family. And not to mention, you have the beach so close to you, right? I'm thinking to take the kiddos to the beach too tomorrow morning. They might enjoy that.

Take care hun!

hi @AuntGlow @tyme

my current psychologist is very good, qualified and knows her stuff. Actually today i did a EMDR session relating to my mum and 'that day i told her of my childhood abuse' and how horrible she treated me. OMG today's session was hard, hard and hard. Very emotional, sobbing wanting to stop the EMDR but my psychologist was gentle and waited. She asked if i wanted to stop or try to continue. i said let's try again. but more sobs, tense body but i got through it.

Now i am feeling numb, very numb. I went straight home and laid on my bed just staring out the window. i tried to sleep but couldn't. i am exhausted.

before the session i was always very angry towards my mum but now after the session i actually feel angry but also sad for her.

i am so emotional tonight.

@Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Jynx

@BlueBay , hugs my sister

Sorry you had a upsetting day today

Sitting with you ❤️

Hey @BlueBay ,

I'm sorry to hear that your mum still has such a strong hold on you. I hope you can work with your therapists to find a way through this so that you are liberated from her clutches.

I hear it's been a long time, and it's so unfair that she continues to 'control' you emotionally.

Focus on those things that matter. Know that you have wonderful children and grandchild who love you dearly.

Give yourself space to live.

Thinking of you.

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@BlueBay wrote:

hi @AuntGlow @tyme

my current psychologist is very good, qualified and knows her stuff. Actually today i did a EMDR session relating to my mum and 'that day i told her of my childhood abuse' and how horrible she treated me. OMG today's session was hard, hard and hard. Very emotional, sobbing wanting to stop the EMDR but my psychologist was gentle and waited. She asked if i wanted to stop or try to continue. i said let's try again. but more sobs, tense body but i got through it.

Now i am feeling numb, very numb. I went straight home and laid on my bed just staring out the window. i tried to sleep but couldn't. i am exhausted.

before the session i was always very angry towards my mum but now after the session i actually feel angry but also sad for her.

i am so emotional tonight.

@Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Jynx

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Thank you so much for sharing this @BlueBay 💛

I am so glad you have a psychologist you resonate with and I am very proud of you for stepping into an EMDR session, I understand how scary that can feel and how much can come up afterwards. How you are feeling makes so much sense. How have you been able to care for yourself this weekend? Big hugs. 🫶