How to challenge your negative thoughts

Thank for for sharing all the amazing self-care you are doing @BlueBay

You totally deserve it.

Would you like to share anything you are grateful for today?

Today, I'm grateful for:

- my forums family

- my health

- by nibblings

Hi @tyme

grateful for my family

grateful for a warm house

grateful for the area I live in close to the beach

just woke up. Had a very long sleep.
having a coffee this morning with 2 friends then two other close friends are taking me out fir an early birthday lunch for my 60th birthday in August. We are going to a nice winery. It should be nice.

How did your psych appointment go @BlueBay? And how are things feeling for you this week? 💛

Hi @AuntGlow

Thanks for your message. I’m a crying mess right now. Missing my dad so so much. It’s my 60th birthday this Sunday and he won’t see me. He didn’t see me for my 50th either. So much emotion right now.

I did see my psychiatrist on Tuesday. It was so nice to see her after 6 weeks in leave. I had a list of things to talk about.
she said I need trauma work and eating disorder work as well. And they EMDR will help. Seeing a new clinical psychologist next Friday.
I then saw my Dr and he ordered a calcium score test as my cholesterol is high. Had that done yesterday. Today I’m seeing my gastroenterologist to sort out my gut issues. Diverticulitis and other things.

@AuntGlow im sorry I’m not in a good headspace this morning. I just want to curl up and go away. it’s really hard to deal with everything.
and it’s my mothers birthday next week and I am NOT contacting her or sending her anything. I am so damn angry at her. She’s horrible narcissist controlling.

Hi @BlueBay,

I'm sorry to hear that your dad won't be able to see you on your birthday. It sounds tough having both your birthday and your mum's birthday near each other. Do you have plans for celebrating your 60th? I hope you're able to do something nice for yourself.

It's okay to want to curl up and hide away, especially when there's a lot of heavy emotions floating around. Please know that the community is here for you. It's also great to see you reaching out to other supports, such as your psychiatrist and GP. It shows a lot of strength. I hope the visit with the new psychologist goes well.

Hi @holdinghope5

My hubby, three beautiful adult children and granddaughter are taking me out for a surprise lunch.
I don’t like surprises as I’m usually the organiser. I’m sure it will be a beautiful day.
but …… not seeing my dad now for over a year is really hard. I don’t know how he is. Will he remember my birthday. Does he remember me.
oh gosh my emotions are extremely high at the moment. My biggest fear is never seeing him again.
I have do many birthday cards and Father’s Day cards in my drawer
I switch from huge emotions of sadness regrets and guilt to now anger towards my mother.

sorry I’m venting. It’s so hard to cope.

hey @BlueBay i'm still catching up but i've read your recent posts about your birthday.

i'm not a fan of surprises either, i like knowing what's going on. i'm with you, i think your family is going to make it a special day.

i'm really sorry that you haven't been able to see your dad in so long. i know you miss him a lot, sending you gentle hugs 💙

it's okay to feel mixed emotions, take your time to process and know that we're here for you.

Oh @BlueBay, I am so sorry - this must feel really painful for you. Know that I am sitting with you. How you're feeling makes perfect sense. 💛

I am glad to see you have support for your mental and physical health. I am sure the clinical psych will be able to help you so much here. How are you feeling about seeing them?
You don't have to be anything other than where and who you are, so no apology needed. How can I be of support today?

thanks @rav3n for your support.xxxx

hi @AuntGlow it's been a hard time for me in not seeing my dad for the past 14 years. we would reconcile with my mum mainly and then see my dad for a little while (no longer than a year) then bang something else happens thanks to my mum. she would either hang up on me or would start a fight.

the last timem i saw my dad was April 2024.

so many special occasions he has missed thanks to my mum.

i emailed my psych before; took a sleeper and went to bed. now going for a walk to pick up a script

hi @AuntGlow @rav3n @tyme and others

i don't know who i am anymore; don't know what i really want in my life; i feel lost

i was exhausted yesterday i think from being so emotional. ended up going to bed at 7.45pm which is a first for me.

i am going for a walk this morning with my close friend. we walked yesterday morning and i was talking to her about my dad and then i started to cry. i feel so silly crying all the time. i am not sure how people feel when i break down. anyway my friend was caring and we had a nice coffee together.

i cried so much yesterday because ALL the crap that my mum used to tell me came straight back to my mind like a big bang. her words to me (after i told her i was sexually abused as a child) was

- you have betrayed the family;

- how dare you not tell me before you told your sister;

- i am not going to tell dad (still don't know if he knows the fully story)

- dad doesn't want to see you (when he wasn't home one day i called in)

- how dare you wait 30 yrs to tell me

- i don't believe you because i was always there

i have ruined the family; i have being so bad that now i am punished big time in that i cannot see my dad. what does my dad know? would he believe me if i told him the truth? or would he believe his wife?

this is all too much; my heart is aching so much. tears are flowing heavily. i need to STOP.

maybe i will take a few sleepers and go back to bed.

i really wish this would all go away.