Tillogram

I do understand your feelings here @Till23 but also want to assure you I am here with you because I want to and I have no issues at all with being here for you. ❤️ As I said, it is entirely up to you on whether you leave the forums or step back for a bit. I would definitely miss you but it is your choice. I also understand your frustrations when reaching out for support and not getting it - you are not alone there Hon. There is certainly a lot of effort/support given to a few members time after time and that unfortunately means others miss out and/or are not recognised. I don't believe the current triage system works and needs a big overhaul so members such as yourself get the support you need.

You are certainly not 'bringing me down' - quite the opposite - I am a big advocate for equality and equity and that goes for the forums and finding a balance between a 'duty of care' and where to draw the line for posters presenting with the same 'stuff' day in and day out without any progress or change in how/what they post. You have as much right to be here as anyone and you also have the right to receive support 🥰

Hi @Till23 I'm hearing you and do completely understand if you do want/need to step away from the forums. We'll always support you to do what you feel is best for your wellbeing. I do also appreciate your honesty here and your willingness to share what hasn't been working for you here. If you do choose to stay maybe that's a conversation we can continue having and explore how we can help you to feel more supported. We do support any decision that you make but we'd love to find a way to make the forums work for you if we can. You're not bringing anyone down by being here 💜

Hi @Till23 ,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. We totally hear you and want you to know we will support you with whatever decision you go with.

Here are some other options if you are interested:

1) self-imposed break where members step away from the forums themselves

2) supported break where SANE staff place a temporary pause on the account

3) turn off all notifications and you come to check the forums when you feel able

4) extended break where you take the time you need

5) member stays on the forums to work through the challenges

We would be sad to see you go, but we also recognise that some members want space.

We are here if you wanted to chat through anything.

Thank you for being open and honest about it.

Hi @tyme, thank you for your response. I am sort of doing a combination of 1 and 5 at this stage I think.

Probably mostly 1. I feel as though I need to decrease the pressure a bit I think. I am currently reticent to really post anything, even though I feel I want to respond to people's posts. I am concerned about the helpfulness of responses now. Very much a lack of confidence.

Good evening @Till23,

Firstly, thank you so much for sharing this with us, I always appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I know that things are feeling extra heightened for you right now with everything that's been going on... it's truly big stuff and your feelings are perfectly understandable.

I do want to let you know that there are so many people within our community who feel supported by you and appreciate your words of wisdom. From an outside perspective, you do not cause the harm your mind tells you that you do. Though, as someone with trauma-brain and attachment wounding, I get why the subtlest of experiences might translate as proof that you have done something wrong. But I really do see someone trying their absolute best here, someone that cares about others and how they make them feel.

I know you're saying you want to do this alone, and I have no doubt that you are capable of doing so, but what else do you think you need right now? Could there be more balance between showing up for yourself and reaching out here? Happy to hear your thoughts whenever you are ready. 💛

Take your time @Till23 .

There's no pressure. Go at the pace that suits you.

We're here - I'm not going anywhere anytime soon lol.

Thanks for your responses @AuntGlow and @tyme. I'm getting a bit anxious about taking up too much of both of your time. As to your statement "I know you're saying you want to do this alone" It's not so much I want to it's just that I feel I have to.

I am used to doing everything alone though. Reaching out for me is really hard because I have been told I am not worth it and so pretty much I haven't. I just put one foot in front of the other

I hope you both have lovely rest of evenings and nice overnight rest.

Take care @Till23 . We can catch up again tomorrow or when you are on next.

I understand, and it's so hard going against our internalised beliefs - challenging them can feel like the most painful and inorganic process in the world at times, but I do think that taking some steps to soothe and nurture yourself when these thoughts of being unworthy come up could be helpful. I wonder if some time recentering and grounding may allow more space for reaching out here?

What are your thoughts? @Till23

I hope you get some rest too and I will chat to you more tomorrow. ☺️💛

Heya @Till23 , you around?