Tillogram

@Till23 think you got the right idea hun!

And yeah that 'filtering' is totally a thing. For myself it's about being 'community-minded' - knowing that what I share can be seen by everyone, and being conscious of the fact that many of us are vulnerable folks who have been rejected, ostracised, and discriminated against just for existing. It's why for instance my 'gallows humour' doesn't come out on the forums - in certain circumstances it's very helpful, but in this space it can be inappropriate at best, harmful at worst. And luckily, I'm still funny even without it 😝

I saw you were interested in pursuing peer work!! I think you'd be fab at it 💜

I totally understand gallows humour @Jynx I think many people use it and it can be a bit of a coping thing by putting a light touch on something. Many people use it in their jobs between their colleagues but they understand it's not appropriate for general usage. I have PTSD from 2 of my careers on top of my cPTSD from childhood stuff and I know it's used a lot in those professions.

An aside here, I think that people from LGQBTI+ community/ies will face less (less not none) problems from just being in this world than previously. I took some photos on my trip where people from this community/ies were presenting themselves with great pride and I did not hear any negative comments and these were not specific LGQ+ events just a sport event or in the streets. Of course that was Europe, I know in the USA it's currently a much different story (as well as some other countries). I've got some photos I took to post in the PRIDE space (on my intention list to get trip photos more sorted - it's a lower priority though)

@Till23 its good to keep these conversations going. With us all being human and new people joining and people dropping out, it doesn’t hurt to keep best practice flexible and open and regularly renewed. I am hoping you feel more settled in time/tyme…or is that Rosemary and thyme?

Yes, I have been talking about these things on the forums for 10 years now @tyme @AuntGlow @Jynx before being “recovery focused” became an “thing”. Maybe I believe in the therapeutic potential and the importance of authenticity and vulnerability. Yes, differentiation of content among different threads can help create a broad tapestry of content for the community. I am very glad to see Sane has taken on board some of my ideas seriously, runs with it and keeps improving the formats. I know I am a bit old school, but psychoanalysis and social theory and psychodrama were foundational for me, even before I did counselling cert. The forums were a bit chaotic and unmoderated when I began and I worried about the consequences in people’s personal lives. I tried hard, keeping it inclusive and tend to be aware of statistical outliers, as often those who struggle with mental health issues are among the most marginalised, as I know, only too well.

I am probably good at masking too Till. But too much positivity may even alienate people from joining if it doesn’t feel genuine and relevant to their struggles. I guess peer work is more of an art than a science. Maybe that’s its strength. I don’t believe it would help our demographic to be too rigid about guidelines, though there are ways to manage it. I have seen really good and sensitive interventions by many people on the forum, paid and unpaid members alike. I have applied a couple times, with Sane, but never heard back, so now, I accept the benefits of being free to truly be me, and not sublimate my needs to earn money, which I had to do from a very young age.

yay @Shaz51

Hi @Appleblossom yes I think it is good to have ground rules and you have to have a good vibe overall for these type of forums I think. It's good to have a mix of threads I think, which there now seems to be. I haven't been here for long so I can only comment on what I have known.

I agree and I think some positivity can be a bit toxic. There's no point having the forum of it's not authentic in my humble opinion.

Hope you are still enjoying your music and keeping well

Oh, that's so okay! It can shift and change often around here. @Till23

Everything you are feeling makes so much sense. I think that it's really common to experience a sense of unease when you come back from a big trip. I remember having that moment too... are you reassessing how you would like your life to look at all? Maybe this discomfort is shining a light on what needs to change? Or even more so, what really needs your love and nurturing? What are your thoughts on this? 🌻

Also, you can absolutely explore positive outlooks and also honour what you are feeling - I invite you to bring all parts of yourself to the forums (if it feels okay to).

What are three things you are honestly feeling right now? 💛

Definitely, it's important to share vulnerabilities authenically. I think the confusion is that some people think that recovery focused means you can't be authentic @Till23 @Appleblossom

Also, it is not that what others share is 'wrong', but more that an open, public facing forum may not be the best place to share.

I hope people recognise this.

Thanks for your response @AuntGlow I hope you are well and not too busy this evening.

Yes I don't know if I'm imagining it or not, but there seems to have been quite a few changes on here around the time of my trip.

Yes it is a bit disorienting coming back - there's the normal jet lag, but also significant change in temp, going from being surrounded by people pretty constantly everyday to some times not seeing or talking to anyone for a day or two. Also a big difference in physical activity level and also cognitively - while away you are learning something almost every minute compared to being in familar surroundings and not learning things just by osmosis.

I do need to try and work out what my life will look like from here on, but I have not been pushing myself to consider this, as I've been busy not feeling well, getting over jetlag, catching up on stuff while I've been away. I don't know if it's a bit of a "head in the sand" defence. I think I know what you mean in the normal sense of the different emotions. I am not good with emotions.

@tyme I hope you are well. I see you are propping up the Tyme Social Bar here on the forums 😂

I think for me, that I am always filtering what I say on forums because I don't want to negatively impact others or me.

I realise that anyone can access the forums without even requiring an account login, so I don't want information out there where people can join the dots and be identified, certain types of people I don't want reading things about me at all. Also from community point of view need to be careful about causing others to be negatively impacted. However, I would not judge most things as "wrong" to post, although there definitely are those things like racism, misogynism and all the other prejudices, talking negatively about people or groups of people (eg homophobia) etc.

Hi @AuntGlow @tyme looks like it is a typical busy evening on the forums tonight. It's interesting because there is definitely a pulse to the forums. Busy times, like in the evenings and then less busy in the mornings. Also different days are busy.

Anyhow that was my usual crap so other people skip over the post because it's too bland and boring (hopefully).

Aunt Glow asked me what am I honestly feeling right now. I answered truthfully at the time. Now as the evening has worn on my nervousness is moving to a bit more towards panic and I want to "run away"

I'm glad you understand. And that's the hard part of our role. Sometimes, we have to pull the reigns a bit because we have to be mindful of our audience.

I've shared in the past that out of everyone on the forums, about 79% are viewers and the rest are users. This means, the majority of people come past to 'view' posts and never actually post.

Hence with moderation, we need to see the 'big' picture.

@Till23

And yes, anonymity then is a big thing we focus on. There have been times when members want to get to know others in real life. I totally get this. A the same time, this is not really the forum to do this, as the main idea if for this space to be anonymous.

Hope this clarifies some of the intricacies of peer work!

Keep being amazing my friend. We value you for being you and all your contributions.