Tillogram

Thanks @tyme It is almost certainly "negative brain" @tyme. I knew it would be difficult coming home to an empty house, but seems more than I thought.

This time last year I was flat out looking after Dad in his last couple of days. It will be the first anniversary this week. I am jet-lagged and having symptoms of my weird medical thing. I had a difference of opinion with psych.

I want to move forward and not backwards or be "stuck"

I'm not used to dragging others into my stuff, without using it to help others.

So a few things happening at the moment

Thank you for sharing @Appleblossom . That sounds like a very important step for you in terms of your recovery. I really value and appreciate you sharing.

@Till23 , I wonder if this is the time we need each other all the more?

I just want you to know we are here for you.

Have you gone back to doing any volunteering since returning? Or are you still recuperating?

Yes I don't know either @Appleblossom

I feel it's still early days with my Dad at the moment

Possibly it is a time to need more connection @tyme I would recommend it for other people. However, it does depend on your background and your personality/coping style. Sometimes it's difficult to know.

I am not used to it. It is hard for me. I've had my armour on for 5 decades - so it's difficult to take any off and let any thing in. Sometimes people think if you've managed in the past you'll manage again, or because you've achieved some things - "It can't be that bad".

I was supposed to do a volunteer shift today and I pulled out. I feel terrible about that, and that I let people down. I feel terrible about my general lack of activity. The first two days after I got home I was good and doing things (I had lots of things to do), then I seem to hit a wall.

Anyhow I better be careful this doesn't get too negative

@Till23 , @tyme

I think I am still trying to cope without my mum which is just over a year now

Yes @Shaz51 it was a Friday night exactly a year ago today for Dad. I'm trying to keep busy. I hope it's a sunny day and I can take it easy

@Jynx do you have any experience with dissociation?

Sending you lots of hugs for tomorrow @Till23 xx

I am experiencing lots of aches and pains in my feet and legs which makes walking hard

Thanks @Shaz51 weirdly it still feels like it's not true.

I'm sorry about your aches - could you have neuropathy - you can get it with diabetes, or the other thing I'm thinking is peripheral arterial disease. On the other hand could be arthritis. Or obviously your kidney disease - ahve you mentioned it to renal physicain or endocrinologist?