Hello @creative_writer, thank you for sharing all of this with us. What I am hearing is that you've been through a lot of painful experiences and that you've been unable to safely express the feelings that have come up as a result, which has left you feeling confused and overwhelmed. I can see how much your brain wants answers and your body needs peace, both of which you undoubtedly deserve. I really do believe you are well on your way to healing, I can see it whenever you are able to regulate and challenge your thoughts. But it is a process, and you're allowed to be emotional as you learn and grow. I also think it's so important that you feel safe enough to be transparent with your supports (it honestly helps so much!).
I am sure the prospect of your rebated sessions ending soon is overwhelming... will you continue to see your psych if you can and grow that relationship in order to build more trust?
Also, what else could you lean on other than therapy? 💛