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Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

I'm not actually looking for any feedback here just needing to unload some of my thoughts around this as there is no one I can talk to who could begin to understand. And please, I do not want to come across as negative about my wife, I am just trying to get myself in the right frame of mind so that I can not be too reactive and be able to best support my darling in the transition

My wife has been in hospital (private hospital mental health unit) for 2 weeks now following admission for suicidal thoughts / behaviour. At her last meeting with the admitting dr she is determined that she will be coming home next Tuesday. I thought she would be there at least another week. I should be excited right??? for some reason however this is making me anxious.

Firstly I thought that it was subject to review next Tuesday but my darling is only hearing what she wants to and is determined to come home regardless and has told the children she will be home also even though I asked her not to...
so what happens now if the doc does not want to discharge her on Tuesday ??? not only do I have to deal with my darlings potential meltdown (I saw the state she was in when denied a weekend pass) but also our children. They will be devastated. one in particular is already off me for 'sending mummy away' and 'letting the dr do experiments on her' (don't know where that one came from?) they miss her so much and want her home, I am just a little annoyed that she has put me in this position. she does not have to deal with the fall out if things don't go to plan 😞

Then when she does come home I am worried about the transition. This has not gone well in the past and she is already getting excited about how well I have packed away the washing and is it in the correct colour order and facing left not right or whatever 😞 why haven't I mowed the grass (seriously, when have I had the time to do that whit everything else that is going on.

Further to this I have plans for Wednesday and if things go pear shaped on Tuesday it will be another instance where I have to opt out of doing something for myself in order to keep my darling happy/ safe. (is it selfish to think like this?)
At the very least put being discharged off till Thursday, but she is not interested in hearing that.

I was hoping to see the dr while visiting today to discuss my concerns but he didn't show up so now hanging out for Monday. I want more than anything to have my darling home but at the right time and in the right mind space.
I have explained to my darling my concerns but she thinks she is fine and I overacted in having her admitted in the first place. Just really hoping things go well and frantically trying to get the house in order. (Housework has been lacking as I have been wasted driving 3 hours a day to visit her with our baby).

I love my wife and sooooo much want her home but want it to go well also. I just wish it did not bother me so much that she is coming home early 😞

Will let you all know how it all goes. Thank you for listening.

41 replies

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In response to: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Thanks Bro, offered a med tweak, he wasn't overly keen but sent a message to say he would take it. I am worried he is heading for psychotic depression again. I thank God the mood stabiliser appears to be keeping suicidal thoughts at bay.

How are things with you @Determined? I know it is not easy with just one to look after, you have your boys as well as your darling.

D

In response to: Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

No good about mr D @Former-Member, trust the med tweak is effective. Feel for you with the uncertainty.

We were trying hard to hang out till after S2 birthday at end of month before darling went away. She said today cant do it, wants me to call tomorrow and get booked in as early as possible next week. (Has a friend coming from out of town for the weekend so has to wait that long at least).

Sat down and explained it to S2 this afternoon, feel like we have ripped his heart out 😞 . Will have a family night out and early birthday before she goes but he is taking it hard.

On a positive note... nailed a group presentation today, lecturer said it was the best he had seen so far. (He has seen a lot). Big relief.

In response to: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

I know when things get bad for Mr D he seems to go down hard and fast @Determined. It is the family that seem to get let down the most.

Good news about the presentation - well done.

In response to: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Hey @Determined

Sending love, I feel it is important for me to acknowledge that your concerns re: ECT and your darling are valid. I felt helpless when I felt my concerns were not heard about a drug that was given. I just want the docs to be open and honest with me, validate my concerns, let me know I have been heard and why they feel differently. I think his present doc is a bit scared of me after I produced two papers backing up something I said that she had no way of refuting. Even this week she was very gentle, which might be the best way for Mr D. I would have been happy if she sent Mr D out the room and told me bluntly what she was thinking as I got the impression we are not on the same page.

We battle on Bro, hoping this advocacy class I have booked in for today will be another emotional training session to keep me strong. I don't like leaving Mr D home alone ...

Darcy

In response to: Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Thank you @Former-Member

I agree it is so much harder when my concerns are disregarded. I often feel irrelevant in the process and helpless to do anything about it. I just want what is best for my darling and it would be nice to actually acknowledged for the role that i play and be included in the process. My concerns re the ect have been brushed off as invalid. My darling is desperate to try anything however so I am supporting her regardless of my fears and concerns.

Trusting the course goes well for you today and you can get some positive results for mr Darcy moving forward. Feeling for you at the moment.

In response to: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Support is all we can do @Determined. Today I am leaving Mr D home alone, have to trust he will be ok as he says. Have teed up some friends to pop by ...

In response to: Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Hi @Former-Member

How did your day go for you?
Trust the course was of benefit for you and things went well for Mr Darcy at home. think of you often despite what we are navigating ourselves at the moment. Thankfully it is not every day for us but I know well the fear of leaving my darling home alone.

Feeling a little better about things here this afternoon, (this will likely change multiple times over the coming days but its a start), we were able to meet together with our pastor to discuss our fears/ feelings etc together for the first time. This was a big relief just to be able to have the conversation and having someone close by who knows what is going on and available for practical and emotional support.

Darling has a friend visting from out of town for the weekend also, I am hoping that this will be a postiive distraction for her. hopeful of better days ahead.

In response to: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Hey @Determined hope these snippets give hope and indeed lead to more open communication and ultimately a relationship where you feel appreciated. All small steps.
The friends I messaged this morning popped in and picked up Mr Darcy this afternoon, took him out for coffee and visited friends who have moved into a new house. Came home to cooked tea (gave it a 6/10 - last time he cooked was 3/10). I am so thankful for caring friends.
Course went OK, spoke to coordinator about our situation, I think she thinks I have had a possible good win on my first point and is not sure about proceeding on the 2nd point.
Take care Bro
Darcy

In response to: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

@Determined
Did you manage to get the work done on your assignment?
Darcy

In response to: Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Re: Wife coming home from hospital early - feeling anxious

Thinking of you today @Determined

Hello @Former-Member,how are you and mr @Former-Member

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