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So I’ve come off one of my meds, it’s the first day I’ve been without it for years. I feel so much calmer, but a bit foggy, sleepy and migrainey. Not sure if that’s withdrawal or exhaustion built up from the really rough patch I’ve come out of. I can finally say I’m not in a mixed episode. I’m sort of unfazed by the body flashback I’m having. I’m just a little confused. Has the discomfort become easier to sit with (is it a sign of progress?) or am I disassociating?
@AuntGlow I had my psych appointment today. My psych does think I need to get out of the house more, but it will be a process, I have bad social anxiety and trust issues. I can’t jump into too many things, I have to work at my own pace.
We also spoke a bit about learning to tolerate distress when I experience a body flashback. I have a natural tendency of wanting to distract myself. I can ground myself or do breathing exercises when it happens, body scans are too much for me in the moment. Body flashbacks are a tricky one, I get them so often, I am feeling it on a milder level right now too
In response to: Re: New chapter
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: New chapter
I did the not so smart thing by skipping my afternoon snack, I wasn’t hungry. But I really should be careful being a migraine sufferer . Maybe that’s why my mind is clouded. I’m feeling rather cranky. I don’t feel like I achieved much today, I just had a psych appointment and did some driving. I don’t even know where the rest of the day went.
I do have things I need to get done tomorrow, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I guess that happens when you procrastinate. I don’t really understand time, I either overestimate or underestimate time. Maybe time will motivate me, but I feel like today is a bit of a write off. I’m too emotionally and physical exhausted. It’s just hard not to guilt trip myself. I keep feeling like I’m not doing enough. I’m too tired to move and I feel like I’m supposed to be moving.
I have a whole spectrum of emotions going through me, emotions, it’s not just anxiety, sense of grief and sadness, there is a sense of relief. It’s complicated
In response to: Re: New chapter
tymeModerator
Re: New chapter
Hey @creative_writer ,
Great to see you around. I'm sorry that you ended up getting a migraine after skipping your arvo snack. What have you been up to tonight to help yourself through some of these though feelings?
Do you still have the migraine lingering?
I had ASIST training today, so I'm 'studied' out. It's hard to sit in a space all day. Don't get me wrong, the training was great... I'm just not used to having to focus for so long!
In response to: Re: New chapter
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: New chapter
@tyme if I’m going to be totally honest, I kinda forgot to eat. ADHD does that sometimes. Sometimes I don’t really realise I need to use the bathroom until I desperately need to go, probably contributed the UTI I had earlier this year.
I was migrainey this weekend, so it sort of burnt out my energy, so cognitively I don’t feel the best and I feel super scattered. I have online trainings to do for this week, but it’s hard to concentrate. One of the good thing about online is you can go at your own pace, but there is less interaction, sometimes having people around helps, I’m less likely to zone out when I am actively engaging with people. I can’t wait till I am on shift. ASSIST training sounds interesting. I do hope you were able to gain a lot from the ASSIST training.
Migraine is so much better after dinner. I think I’m just going through a spiritual period in my life. Realising the finality of the world is big, it makes you question your whole existence. It makes you realise what things matter the most. But it also is a reminder, everything, including you and other people are temporary. It can bring relief and be freeing. But it is also a reminder my sick gran is approaching the end of her life
In response to: Re: New chapter
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: New chapter
I feel low, I feel like I’m not supposed to feel this way
In response to: Re: New chapter
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: New chapter
I am annoyed with my brain for not being productive enough, I can't concentrate. I half heartedly submitted a job application, but it wasn't my best, perhaps it is an achievement, but it wasn't the standard I hold myself to. I'm not even sure what I need, I wish I did. I feel frustrated with myself for feeling crappy this morning
In response to: Re: New chapter
RiverSealModerator
Re: New chapter
Hey @creative_writer, that's amazing you submitted an application! I have learned to appreciate the effort I put in rather than the outcome. Best of luck 🤞 RiverSeal
In response to: Re: New chapter
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: New chapter
@RiverSeal I've just put some alpha wave music on to relax. I am too overwhelmed to do a breathing or grounding exercise, I thought listening to music might be easier to do. I've been reading up when people are anxious there have more beta waves and decreased alpha waves. Music is powerful, and it's healing powers are so underrated.
I am starting to wonder if something got triggered in my psych appointment yesterday, but right now I don't understand. So I am just trying to slow down, maybe it'll make more sense afterwards. I think it's related to anger and frustration from trauma
In response to: Re: New chapter
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: New chapter
My mind feels clearer now and my nervous system has calmed. I think a lot of the emotions stemmed from grief of losing a part of myself. Sometimes we go through life and sometimes it wounds us. In life we are constantly losing and gaining. I know there is no way to go back to who I was, I know the only way is forward. It's just hard sometimes to hold that grief and loss. I know I wouldn't be who I am today without everything that has happened to me, but it does sting, all the big and small traumas.
I might try the delta wave version at night to help me sleep today, my sleep needs improvement. I do think my meds have their place, but I think I need more than what my meds can provide me. It might also be easier to function and regulate my emotions if my quality of sleep improved
In response to: Re: New chapter
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: New chapter
These emotions feel stuck in me, I don’t even know how to get them out
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