Hi @snowflake231
That must be such a painful thing to hear, especially coming from your daughter. Feeling heartbroken feels like a reasonable response, not only to hearing that but bringing attention to the pain you've been experiencing. Teenagers though generally aren't good at expressing emotions calmly and there may be frustration and even anger in her words, but she obviously loves you a lot and is worried about you. Her words may express one thing, but i think that's just the inexperience and emotional challenges of being a teen. Like i said, she loves you and is just very worried about you. She sees the pain your are in, maybe feels helpless to help and while her words may have been harsh and it may act as a very painful wake up call. Clearly she wants to help and wants to see you feeling better.
So going back to the same therapy may not be that helpful if you really dont want to do it anymore. You deserve to find some support and therapy that actually works for you. And it shouldn't be just for your daughter, it should be for you as well. The best way you can help your daughter is to let her know that you're willing to try and find ways to help yourself. Ways that work for you. Part of her anger and frustration may be from her feeling that you have tried to hide things from her, maybe just talking to her and sharing how you're feeling will not only help her to understand but allow you both to find ways to support you. I know we like to try, but it's hard enough without trying to do these things alone.
Keep in mind that nothing is a one stop fix. I will take time and support. This talk with your daughter may be a turning point for you both. I've always tried to mask how i was feeling. I became very good at it over 50 years. But looking back now, it never helped me, just isolated me further and further. I still struggle a lot with it, but i'm far better now at admitting when i need help and being more open with people i trust. For me, that has been something that has allowed to finally feel like I can start some kind of healing process. By being more honest, with the people I care about, and myself, and letting people in. It's not about feeling like we've failed, more that we are struggling and we need help. Learning to be open about that and letting those close to use help is hard, and takes a lot of strength. You shown some of that by sharing with us here, so use that with your daughter as well.
It takes a lot to say that you know she is right. You say that you feel isolated and find it hard to communicate and finding joy in life. I know what that's like. But I don't see it as a sign of being broken at all! Just a sign that I had carried far too much for too long and tried to do it alone, or without much support. That wasn't my fault. I just needed to reach a point where I saw it and started to try and be kind to myself. It's still hard and it takes time but it does make things easier once a lot of that pressure is lifted by starting to share more and admitting that you're not okay.
You've shared here, and what your daughter said has clearly deeply affected you. You're still fighting. So there's some part of you that hasn't given up and is looking for connection. That is important and that matters, because you matter and your happiness matters. I've tried therapy for a few things (for the first time in my life) the past 18 months or so. The one lesson i've learnt is you have to find someone who understands what you're dealing with. Someone who doesn't just give you a quick fix and knows things take time, and is willing to listen and find out what works for us. So if you try again to find help and support for yourself, you could do it with your daughter, not for her. And you might find more success.
I know its not easy, and your daughters words must have been so incredibly difficult to hear. But try to see it as a turning point and a strong motivator to start making some positive changes.
Where do you start? You've already made a strong start by what you've shared with us here.
