My life sucks

@Jynx It seems like just listening to my fav songs, going for walks and watching my fav YouTube videos are my main type of therapy at the moment

I’m gonna go shopping with my mum tomorrow lol not looking forward to that -_-

but I’m glad I’m currently doing training for a volunteer role I’ve been wanting to get into for a while & im quite looking forward to see what will happen in the next few weeks for that

hey @Blackcloud been catching up on the posts, how are you holding up now? heard you had a chat with a helpline too so i'm glad you got it off your chest.

i used to really hate my ethnicity when i was younger, but i did eventually start searching for the good parts of my culture/ethnicity... and i found it. so similar to @Spirit_Healer there are parts of my ethnicity/culture that i don't like and avoid but there are parts i do respect and really love.

you don't have to love your ethnic background, but in my experience, i noticed that the hate/anger i felt towards my ethnicity/culture, i ended up turning that hate/anger towards myself and not liking who i was. i hope you don't turn that hate towards yourself, and maybe finding even one thing you like about your culture could help? totally okay if it's not possible right now.

@rav3n yeah I get that. Though when I was in primary school, especially when I first went to Cambodia with my parents when I was in grade 1, there was a lot of things in that country I absolutely hated, including how touchy, loud and outgoing my extended family members were. And yeah, I mean the culture there obviously is different too compared to here. At that point when I was in grade 2 till grade 4 I think? I always used to strongly like to believe in the fact that I was Vietnamese instead of Cambodian. Back then, I was the only Cambodian in the school. However, when I saw every other Asians that look like me - most of them were Vietnamese and some were Chinese, so that time I felt like a complete outcast and it made me really upset and angry knowing that I wasn’t Vietnamese, when I was convinced within those few years in primary school that I was. Even most of my friends back then who were Asian were all Vietnamese, and I wanted to be a part of them… I used to get asked by them and other people all the time if I was Vietnamese or Chinese, and I would say I was Vietnamese. Or if they asked if I was Vietnamese, I would say yes. I didn’t wanna ever say that I was Cambodian because I was convinced that I wasn’t Cambodian.

Another thing about Cambodian culture I don’t like is how the language sounds. For me, it sounds hella cringe which is part of why I refuse to ever speak it growing up, even though I can understand the language that’s being spoken. But I would never ever (not till this day) would ever wanna speak khmer to any of my family members or any other Cambodians, because…yeah I don’t want to and I’m not going to. Yet my mum would keep telling them that I can’t speak khmer or don’t know how to speak it, like yes that’s partly true, but it’s generally cause I refuse to speak it like AT ALL. One time I tried speaking khmer to my grandma (this was nearly 11 years ago), I tried to say ‘cockroach’ in khmer because at the time a cockroach that was present at the time, so when I said it to her, her and a few other extended family members started laughing and it made me so embarrassed that i never attempted to speak khmer to literally anyone including her and our extended family EVER again. I even raised my concerns about this to my mum, to which my mum passed it onto my grandma and all, but they were all being completely dismissive about it which isn’t surprising….

oh, and don’t fricken get me started on the ‘saving face’ culture and everyone needing to put up a smile on their face 24/7!!!!! Whenever I present a rbf or an unhappy look to someone there, they immediately point it out and so it’s like “well what do you expect me to do? I’m not gonna smile just because people want me to”

Hi @AuntGlow

Here’s my failed attempt of making the fried tofu. This is my second time of making it by the way and the result was the exact same as the one I’ve just made again the second time 😅💀 at least the ones I’ve tried and ate from the first attempt were quite good (but not the best) tho that’s all that matters

@MissGremlin @rav3n @Jynx @AuntGlow @Shaz51 @MJG017

Good evening!! How are you feeling @Blackcloud?

Your tofu looks yuuum, I think you did a good job. 👏

@AuntGlow thank you haha, and yes it did taste good as you say (I'm eating it right now)! 😄

I'm fine thanks. I have a laser treatment appointment tomorrow (it'll be my 6th one) so hope they don't charge me the shaving fee again (thankfully I wasn't charged for it last session) as for both this time and last time for the previous session, I was able to shave off the area to get rid of the hair as entirely as possible, even both yesterday and today, I've been able to shave it. Idk what else I plan on doing tomorrow other than just going through the modules of my e-training for this upcoming volunteer role.

I'm kinda looking forward to start my bachelors degree next month but i'm hella nervous about the exam part

@AuntGlow i also just started making my own taro milk tea using the taro milk tea powder that i bought from woollies many months ago. now tasting it, i'm not a big fan. even though i've added the unsweetened oat milk in it instead of the actual milk. its still a bit sweet for my liking.. i prefer gongcha and/or chatime's taro milk tea than this homemade one.

@Blackcloud it looks yummy. I've never tried tofu. Proud of you sweet ♥️

Hey @Cuddlebear i don’t know if you saw my response to your post from last week, I did tag you twice but it seems like you’ve missed it. I’ll tag you again for the third time so you can see this post/response 👍

I don't know what else to really say or help with, but I completely feel you about this and I hope you know that I'm always here. ❤️ I'm also scared and worried on what my future's gonna be like after I graduate from uni, but at the same time I like to hope that I'd be able to have money to afford for private rental (or whatever it can be)... I don't want to go back to live with my parents in their social housing apartment because I don't have a good relationship with them and my sister.

This might be a weird question if you don't mind me asking, but if you do have to end up facing homelessness, is there a way you can like afford a tent or a van/caravan to stay at? I was watching a couple of youtube videos of people staying in their vans, cars and it was quite interesting to look at, seeing what they do in there and stuff.

and this may or may not be a helpful suggestion, but you can also contact lifeline (phone or chat) if you're going through a crisis, if you're comfortable of course. 🙂I'm about to volunteer as a crisis supporter over there soon, and from what I know, lifeline only focuses on the feelings you're having, as well as what things have helped you or not in the past and present, and if necessary we do give referrals only if the help seeker (you) themselves want to get referrals. we don't provide counselling/therapy which can be pretty weird for people that are willing to seek counselling/therapy help, we are just there to provide help seekers (including you) support and be there for you guys that are going through a crisis.