My life sucks

@Blackcloud It’s exciting to hear you’ll be starting the degree in psychology come July. I’m really glad you knew about the disability support services available and that you are getting the paperwork done and submitted for a plan at the new university. Really good you are doing now so you have heaps of time to get that in place while navigating a new University campus.

Sounds like your mum is “old school” thinking most likely due to cultural gender role socialisation. The best thing though is that you have been able to express what you believe/want for you. Having a relationship with someone of your choosing is fine if that is what you want. It’s also totally fine not to. You do not need a husband and no one needs a husband. My personal view is that if you are in a relationship you both should look after one another not only financially but emotionally etc. too. It’s a partnership that should be based on mutual respect. I’m just glad you have expressed what you want to your mum. Hopefully she reflects on what you’ve said and doesn’t keep trying to set you up with anyone in the future.

im sorry I sometimes miss posts due to my blindness. When I click on the links letting me know there’s a response it doesn’t always take me to the actual response but instead the start of the comment section. 🙂

@Shaz51 The dog trainer is now working with us in my local routes. I’m with a new guide dog so we now go to the places I regularly shop, or my regular cafe etc and we work on my training as a handler with my guide dog. They make sure we are working together well and safely as a team 🙂So now my guide dog can take me on the bus to shops and he can find my cafe, chemist, doctor, audiologist, pharmacy, supermarket and local library. We can now get back safely to bus and get bus home. He finds lights, crossings, curbs, steps, seats etc. 🙂We just finished for today. Start again 9am tomorrow.

Yes it’s one step at a time. I just feel lost and without much hope of anything improving. I’m pretty isolated. I have a couple friends who chat online. The physical symptoms of anxiety and complex ptsd really get to me.

@Cuddlebear I 100% agree with everything you've mentioned about the husband part. the emotional aspect is what i value the most in all kinds of friendships and relationships with anyone i try to connect with.

Sometimes I wish I could just leave this country to migrate to another country, or even just move interstate just so that I won't need to be in contact with my mum physically, I mean even if that means we would have to keep in contact online...idk - it's that kind of thought that i have whenever i get 'triggered' by this type of topic/issue. She doesn't want me to suffer and die alone when I get old which I get that that's why she sometimes keeps saying I need to have someone I need to look up to, even by the time after she'll pass away, and that's whats really frustrating when I have a parent like her that cares too much about that part and not what I want... even though she's my mother like she keeps saying but I honestly think that since it's my choice, she has no right to try and control me with that. plus, she's not even me.

last time, when i argued with her about this whole thing the morning after she introduced me to a guy recently, one of the things she mentioned was "I never wished everything for you. but you need to have someone to look up to" -- if you look at that first half of the line/quote ("I never wished everything for you.") like what does that even mean??

that's okay, I want to thank you so much for letting me know about missing posts due to your blindness - it really means a lot 🫶🏼❤️

and I see where the struggle comes from when it comes to clicking links that doesn't take you to the actual response.. that must be a bit annoying for you I imagine 🙁

@Blackcloud No worries about letting you know about the posts. Online content is difficult for me and I honestly would never ignore a reply. I’m trying as hard as I can and it’s tricky when the notification link doesn’t take me to the actual up to date comment.

I’m sure you will have people there and not be alone. Sounds like your mum is super worried about this stuff and doesn’t understand you have got this. As in you know what you want and have even expressed it really clearly. You are a really good communicator. I’m in my 50’s and ethnic background. Sometimes my mum would worry and it took a lot of time before she understood that I was happy as I was at the time. Feeling controlled is an awful feeling. Parents can sometimes find it hard to let go or even think about what their adult child is saying. We should all have freedom to live our lives even if it’s not how our mum wants us to live it. You truly are doing all the right things though.

@Cuddlebearthat's true, sometimes online content can be annoying like that and can be a bit tricky to navigate at times! I completely understand now, and I hope you be too hard on yourself for not being able to see the posts 🫂💕 in the case you're not able to see the posts that I previously tagged you on, you don't mind if I keep making a duplicate post and tag you on it again (in cases where you're unable to see my previous posts I've tagged you on) right? 😊

finding people in my life and not be alone is another thing that I still struggle with as someone that has autism and has suffered from selective mutism and social anxiety since i first started childcare, it's always been difficult for me to maintain friendships and connections with people - no matter if i've attended clubs, events or any other social related stuff really...its just how i present myself to people, everyone just sees me as unapproachable and scary to talk to and a lot of the times i wish people (especially people in my generation) can change their perspective on that - if only they all knew about the struggles i've been thorugh (and still am) behind the scenes, instead of them only seeing the effect (me having a stoned face and closed body language) of it. Oh my mum is currently nearing her mid 40s but yeah i wish she could change that old school mindset she still has. She forever thinks that she's always been a caring mother for me only because she's been able (and still does) to do everything on my and my dad's behalf such as cooking and preparing food and doing all these other chores...as well as offering me to go out shopping with her on a fortnightly basis now lol. She's been wanting me to have some friends despite the fact that I've always struggled in having friends and talking to people, and she knows that.

@Blackcloud @It would be awesome if you tagged me again if I miss a post. That would really help. 🙂 Thank you so much for being understanding.

People can be selfish and cruel. I’m sorry people discriminate and miss understand body language due to their small closed minds. I have friends who have autism, social anxiety and selective mutism. Not always all together but nonetheless they’ve also shared very similar experiences. It’s particularly hurtful when young people feel excluded. It is really so easy to simply say hello and ask if it’s ok to chat to someone say at a social event and to be empathetic about the diverse ways each of us communicates in different and new environments. I try to show understanding and if someone seems to be standing on their own will usually go up and say hi and introduce myself and my guide dog. Having my doggie can be helpful and it’s a bit of a starting point to chatting. Like say I went to a craft workshop I’d try really hard to be inclusive. We have a long way to go accepting everyone and recognising people’s abilities. You are so articulate online here and it’s obvious you are a deep thinker and an intelligent person. You know it is not you with the problem it’s those other people. The disability is caused by others and physical environments and not by you or by me. You are young and have all the characteristics of being a good friend. The way you communicate is normal because normal doesn’t mean the same it has a lot of diversity.

My daughter is also neurodivergent and sometimes people her own age can be mean. She’s been lucky to have found some really decent humans and you know I’m sure you will too. You’ve already made friends with me here and we have a bigger age difference but have so much in common too. It’s totally ok to have online friends if that is what you prefer too. I’m not saying that’s all you want as I don’t know I’m just saying if it is power to you.

Lots of mums show love through cooking and housework. It’s what they were raised to do. The important thing is that she respects what makes you happier and content. It sounds like that is not always the case but I encourage you to keep the boundaries as best you can. Being a young adult it’s important to have those boundaries with parents though it can be so hard for parents to get it sooner rather than later.

Did you have a good day today?

Hey @Blackcloud @Cuddlebear 👋

Just wanted you both to know we have read and passed on your feedback about forums usability!! Feel free to share any more thoughts or insights you have via our feedback form or via team@saneforums.org 😊

We are absolutely interested in improving accessability at all levels too, so if you can think of any quality of life improvements there, let us know!

Hope you're having a spiffy thursdi 😉

@Cuddlebear no worries at all! 🙂 ❤️

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It is really so easy to simply say hello and ask if it’s ok to chat to someone say at a social event and to be empathetic about the diverse ways each of us communicates in different and new environments. I try to show understanding and if someone seems to be standing on their own will usually go up and say hi and introduce myself and my guide dog.

I wish everyone had this exact mindset as you do - you're definitely one of those people that I really appreciate and thankful for! and I know from experience there's a few others I've been approached the same or similar way as you do - though most of them were and are mainly people that are of mid-age and older/elderly age. And this is part of the main reason why I genuinely dont like the people of my generation because 99% of them from experience aren't even like that.

They don't even bother to make me feel included when they see me - well, I guess there was one time when I've joined one of the welcome party events at this social club at my uni (it was ran by the organisers of the Cambodian Association club at that uni that I was a student of last year) there was this one girl (she's part of the organisation team) that would come up to me several times whenever she saw that I was alone - she was actually very sweet and did assist me on joining some groups that were playing games (you know - those typical card games, jenga etc.) throughout this event. She also asked me how I've find this event so far and I'm pretty sure I said to her it was a good or something..but I did also tell her that I'm someone that isn't a social person and she was very understanding of that. She's actually an international student that migrated from Cambodia, and Cambodians are known to be the friendliest and kindest people on earth (well in that case, why has it been only her that has been doing this to me out of ALL Cambodian people throughout my whole life?? including the locals in Cambodia when I travelled there with my parents 3 times??)

FYI, that event was held last year and I did sign up to join that event and it was actually because I wanted to see if I can connect with other Cambodians here in australia...because you know... my mum (about her wanting me to connect with people in general, especially with the people of our ethnic background...??)..... -_-

You are so articulate online here and it’s obvious you are a deep thinker and an intelligent person. You know it is not you with the problem it’s those other people. The disability is caused by others and physical environments and not by you or by me. You are young and have all the characteristics of being a good friend. The way you communicate is normal because normal doesn’t mean the same it has a lot of diversity.

I'm usually articulate when it comes to online communication, but when it comes to talking to people verbally no matter if its face to face or through video/phone calls, that's where I struggle to get the words out when I try to talk and explain stuff. That's why I always prefer to communicate with people (well basically everyone) through like e.g emails, text messages instead of phone or video calls, or face to face meetups because when it comes to talking verbally, I can't get the words out of my head and mouth that I want to get my message across as - without struggling to properly articulate. I always knew I would be better off working or volunteering in roles that only involve texting communication rather than working or volunteering in roles that are only face to face. But unfortunately, it is rare to find any entry level roles that are only online/text-based. Other than that though, I'm about to start my training as a volunteer at lifeline (digital crisis supporter - only text-based role) next month - it's actually a self-paced type that goes for 8-12 weeks.

My daughter is also neurodivergent and sometimes people her own age can be mean. She’s been lucky to have found some really decent humans and you know I’m sure you will too. You’ve already made friends with me here and we have a bigger age difference but have so much in common too. It’s totally ok to have online friends if that is what you prefer too. I’m not saying that’s all you want as I don’t know I’m just saying if it is power to you.

I'm very glad to know that your daughter has found some people that she can rely on and that treat her the way she deserves to be treated! 🙂

Yeah, I also have online friends in other platforms and in my experience it's so much easier to have online friends than having in real life friends, haha! Sometimes I do wish that I could have some in real life friends though - mainly those that would be willing to be my long-time friends and can put up with my constant vents and the negative thoughts and emotions that I tend to get, and most importantly would never consider on drifting themselves apart from me and allowing me to be alone again...

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Being a young adult it’s important to have those boundaries with parents though it can be so hard for parents to get it sooner rather than later.

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Yeah. And yes I think I had a good day today 🙂 did you had a good day today?

and by the way, sorry for the really long rambling post here hehe 😄 I just have a lot to say really

hi @rav3n !! 🙂

and hi @Jynx !! 🙂