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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I've not been so great, but I'm here. I've had a lot come up over the last couple of weeks but I'm just trying to take it one step at a time and put things into place to fill my days during the holidays so that my thoughts don't run wild. I've gotten through the first week!

And yeah, I have dreads. I have had them for close to three years now. I had my hair locced and had multicoloured woollen extensions down to my bottom. I had the extensions taken out last year, so now my dreads are all natural!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury I completely understand and also it's currently probably seems a bit harder due to the "midnight curfew". You are a pretty aware/sensitive to these things type person, maybe to do with being a teacher, or just being you, so you may be right.

I have just been lurking on the forums for a few days because I have a couple of my own things going on that I did not want to worry any one with or take up people's time.

But I have been reading your thread and some of the others that I maybe participated in a bit more in the past and I can see you have been having a bit of a difficult time but you have been doing great with managing that while supporting others.

You can always just remind the other member that non-SANE resources are available, although I know some people are reticent to use them. Kind of directing them to the resources is kind of a bit of self care because it can relieve a bit of the "responsibility anxiety" (I just made that up, but you know what I mean)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @Jynx talk to you tomorrow! Hope you get your tech issues sorted.

I hope you're okay @Till23? I'm sorry to hear that things have been tough for you too. I'm also sorry that I haven't really been there to support you through that. I'm kind of...all over the place myself at the moment, but it's not an excuse.

I do know what you mean, yes.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks @NightFury Thanks for asking - I think I am as OK as can be expected in the circumstances. You don't need to have a reason or an excuse MissinTooth because you need to put your oxygen mask on first.

It is my responsibility to reach out if I feel I need to do that, not for other people to chase me.

You have to draw a line, otherwise you will never feel at peace and you will burn out. Believe me it's coming from someone in a caring profession where there is a lot of burn out, but a lot of organisational pressure to keep going.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm logging off @NightFury I hope you are able to have a peaceful uninterrupted sleep tonight

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Last night sounded really tough @NightFury ! I'm sorry you had to sit through that dread. What did you end up trying to help you get through?

Also, my sushi came pretty late last night lol. I ended up eating it and then went to bed.

I'm here if you need some company.

How has your goal-kicking been today so far?

Waiting to hear from you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @tyme not sure if you're still around?

I didn't really sit through it well. I tapped out and went to bed in the end. I just...I don't know.

Glad you got your shushi and I hope you got the rest you needed. I've had a couple of nights of really terrible sleep, so I could do with a good night's sleep too.

I started off well this morning and was on the move constantly. I managed to...

- hang the new curtains

- fix the gate that blew off it's hinges

- vacuum the floors

- hang out the washing

- Play ball with Luna in the backyard

- organise some wood to be delivered on Tuesday.

None of which was on my list of things to do...just distracting myself.

How's your day been?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

I'm hoping offline, but I really wanted to check-in with you after last night. I'm mindful it was quite hard for you to sit with some of that heaviness.

Despite you not achieving what was on your list, I'm glad you were able to use the strategy of distraction. I don't promote distraction all the time, but I feel it certainly has its place so it's totally okay if that is what you needed!

So well done on identifying what you needed and working with it. It sounds like you accomplished a lot anyway. Please note that it's also okay to pivot from your original list.

For me, I wanted to:

- put some washing on

- wash the car

But I didn't do either of these things and I won't for today.

So instead, I will be taking the little one to her friend's birthday then I don't know what else.

So no, I also pivoted today, and I still haven't done much lol @NightFury

We're in this together!!!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme thank you for checking in. I'm not going to lie, it was really hard to sit with. And I didn't know what to do here, or what to do with myself. And it carried over into the night where I woke a few times feeling unsafe.

Enjoy time your time with the little one. Hope you have a great evening.

And again...thank you for checking in on me.

Talk soon.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Before I jump off, do you have time to quickly go through the rest of your day today or tomorrow? I'm not online tomorrow and won't be on until Monday. I don't want to leave you without a bit of a plan of attack.

But totally okay if you don't feel up to it. You can share it with the next moderator who hops on later if you want @NightFury

Thinking of you.

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