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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks for sharing. @NightFury

Yes, I'm okay - just very very out of routine. The kiddos are at home so they demand a lot of attention, then their behaviour changes because they don't have routine when on school holidays. Too many playdates.

I'm taking the little one to a birthday tomorrow evening.

Tonight, my sister is buying sushi for my dinner. I really don't want to leave the house to get food.

So tonight:

- have dinner

- go to bed early

Tomorrow:

- spend time on the forums

- don't know what to do in between

- take the little one to a birthday in the evening

Lawn bowls sounds fun! I've NEVER done it before, but it looks interesting.

But yes, I need this sort of conversation to get me on track while the kids are on school holidays.

I know on Monday, I have a doctor's appointment and then I have to take 2 of the kids to have their eyes tested. Then I'm minding the kids because my sister has an interview to attend.... So I'll have three kiddos with me!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm glad you're okay!

Holidays can be tough @tyme My brain doesn't like changes in routine so I totally know what you mean and can relate.

Kids birthdays are always hectic. They have fun, but it's always busy and noisey and a little too overstimulating.

Your plans are starting to take shape by the sounds of it. Remember to spend some time for yourself in there too.

Three kiddos with appointments and things on, seems like a lot. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday too. I need to have a small procedure done. Nothing too big, but it might be a day of trying to figure out how to manage my anxiety and how to take care of myself afterwards.

And lawn bowls...I've played since I was 18 on and off. It's a family thing. My grandfather, my father, my Nan, my brother have all played and so I inherited it because it was something we could do as a family. I've not played for a couple of years, but I'm trying to reconnect with some of the things that I used to enjoy.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes. Holidays are hectic! Because whereever you go, there are kids everywhere! The shops are hectic too!

Anyway, I'm clocking off soon but will hopefully see you tomorrow or next week. @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good night @tyme I hope you get some rest, enjoy your sushi and your early night.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @Jynx nice to see you,

For some reason it feels like it's been forever.

How are you doing?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury allo!! Promise I'm not ignoring you - I had some tech debacles whilst trying to complete a training and got all mixed about - including missing some notifications, eep!

It does feel like it's been a while!! I think cos I only work Fri-Sun now too 🫣

Hope you've been chugging along ok? I won't be able to do big catch up tonight but feel free to share whatever you like and I will be back around tomorrow!

(PS saw that you have dreads!! I used to be locced hehe had quite the mane for about 4 years!! Till I dyed em green, they got all ick, bleach didn't strip the green out but made the locs VERY brittle... after like the 5th or 6th dread falling out, I called it! Mohawk now hehe)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I will reply to your message but before you zoom off...

What do I do if I'm worried about a member this time of the night?

My anxiety's off though and it could just be my brain.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury I hope you don't mind me butting in here, but feel completely free to tell me to butt out if you like.

The first thing to remember is put your own oxygen mask on first, so in this instance by that I mean, it is not your responsibility to look after another person. That may seem harsh but it's true.

The best thing to do is to direct them to the resources on the right hand side of the page - Lifeline, Suicide call back or even advise 000. You can flag a post to a moderator as well, who will direct them to the crisis lines. I am just typing this quickly as yu may feel better with a quick responce, so I know it sounds harsh

Happy to chat further after I've posted this, or tell me to butt out

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks @Till23 for your response.

I'm really having a hard time with my own sense of "dread and disaster" tonight, with a combination of brain fog, so as I said...I don't know if that's actually exacerbating my worry.

But thank you for the advice, I appreciate it. Butt in any time.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks @Till23 you nailed it - @NightFury totally understandable to be concerned, and I know that it is coming from a place of deep compassion. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to sit in that space of the unknown. But do know that the mod team are usually keeping an eye on things, sometimes we may also be in contact with a member behind the scenes and so you may not see that support getting doled out.

Flagging a post is always an option, as is tagging @moderator so that no matter who of our staff is online, we are gonna see it.

Not sure if this is entirely relevant but this post may also be a helpful read.

Thank you for caring so much!! Now perhaps (and I know how hard this can be) you can turn that care and compassion inward 😊💜

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