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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme anxiety makes you feel like you have no control, so I get why breath helps give you back the control.

Tomorrow for me?

- dreadlock maintenance appointment in the morning.

- laundromat to do my washing.

- study

Not sure what else yet...

What about you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Ooo! What's a dreadlock maintenance appointment? What do they do? I never even considered this was a thing!

Tomorrow, I've got:

- a dental appointment at 9am tomorrow

- volunteer work at church

- meetings in the afternoon

- then I'll be on the forums

That's all I know so far 🙂 @NightFury

So it sounds like You have a few things on your plate for tomorrow. Thank you for sharing.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme it's like a hair appointment for people with dreadlocks...

So it'll take a couple of hours. My locktician will tighten my locks and dreadlock the regrowth, she'll clean up the fuzz and make sure my locks are healthy and separated (they haven't locked together). It's good maintenance for your dreads and it helps my scalp to breathe again. They recommend you have a maintenance appointment every three months. I try and get it done every school holidays because I like my dreads to be tidy and well looked after.

Thank you for sharing your plans for tomorrow with me. Sounds like a busy one.

I may also need to revisit the chemist tomorrow. My woodheater bit me tonight...I'll see how it pulls up in the morning.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

"lockitician"!!! Wow! I learn something new everyday! I've never considered that dreadlocks need maintenance, let alone a few hours every few weeks!

So that can be your self-care routine.

Quick random question. Do you shut your eyes at the hair dressers? @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme No, I don't. It's a trust thing...

I don't like to shut my eyes around other people because then I can't see them, or what they're doing. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Also...maintenance hurts. It's a lot of pulling and twisting on my poor sensitive scalp. It's worth it though.

I would support your post, but my support button's gone wonky again!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Me too. I don't like to close my eyes.. not even when practicing mindfulness exercise with a psych I've had for years @NightFury . So I totally get it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hearing you say that makes me feel like it's not such a "my brain being weird" thing @tyme because as I was typing my reply to you, I had to refrain from putting myself down because of it.

I'm having a lot of those moments here...where I'm learning that it's okay to do what I need to do and that there are people who feel the same and do actually get it.

Like...the other day when we were talking about having an exit strategy from social situations something clicked for me where I finally went..."maaaaaybe it is okay..."

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've been reading a book called Feel the Fear and Do it anyway @NightFury . I was reading it today, and it shared all these situations, where the bottom line was, "Feel the fear and do it anyway" because the fear doesn't go away until you do it.

So it's about how we manage to work through these fears so that we can grow from them. And it having an exit strategy works, why not keep going with it?

It's better than me avoiding social situations altogether all because I don't know how to say "I need to go now"...

That's why it's good to connect with each other - so we can bounce ideas off each other. Not all work, but it's about taking what works and leaving what doesn't, right?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme you make some really good points. I read it, I'm hearing you. I know you're heading off soon, so I won't write a long reply.

I really value the forums as a place for connecting. I'm learning a lot from others. I may not always be able to feel the fear and do it anyway...that's still a work in progress, but I am learning.

Good night @tyme

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am your peer. I am learning just as much as you are @NightFury . I really value your contributions. They are invaluable. We are all on our own journey through the ups and downs of life, but it's good to know we have each other.

Over there years, I've seen people move away from the forums, and this is totally okay because it is because they are doing so so well. Then when there's a hiccup, they may return to the forums. That's why this is so amazing because you can move through the different services of SANE according to your need. You don't get kicked out.

Thank you so much for being here @NightFury

Hugs. Good night.

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