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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow how are you?

I um...don't feel okay today.

Nightmares last night and a lack of sleep doesn't help.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I am feeling grateful for a wonderful and supportive team today @NightFury!

I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling okay. 😔 Would you like to tell me more about what's going on? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow it sounds like a fantastic team that has everyone's back. I'm glad you have them.

I had nightmares last night and woke with a sense of being alone...having no one. I did go back to sleep, but woke again feeling flat and heavy and...I guess defeated. I was stuck in how hard things have been and how I'm not sure I can do it any more. I didn't want to do anything, but I had jobs to do and a plan for the day. That got me moving.

Then I went to catch up with my friend before she leaves for Scotland on Sunday. And things felt strange...I didn't know what to say, or how to make conversation, I didn't know how to be. She made most of the conversation. We walked a few kms [edited by moderator] around the waterfront and went for coffee and lunch, but a couple of times my tone was off and I was over analysing that.

I came home wanting to curl up on the couch, but my jobs were waiting for me. So, I did them and studied a bit. But when I stopped...it's like I've been fighting thoughts that...that I mess everything up, that I'm not worth it. I'm not worth support, I'm not worth investing a friendship in, I'm just not worth it. I almost posted here to tell you not to worry about me tonight because others have more worth than what I do - I only say and do the wrong things and mess things up.

I've kind of been quiet here today because my thoughts are not positive.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It absolutely is! Very lucky. @NightFury

It sounds like this sense of loneliness is weighing heavy on your heart. 😔 I really do understand this feeling and how all-encompassing it can be. And you know, sometimes having some healthy distractions to propel you forward can be helpful.

Hmm, why do you think it was hard to show up as you today?

It sounds to me like 'little you' is feeling really vulnerable and extra protective today. And that makes so much sense. Someone you care for and trust is leaving. You have got so much on your plate with work and study. You're opening up in new ways to not only a counsellor, but all of us. You are being SO brave. All of your fears and beliefs coming up in the face of vulnerability is human.

So, I wonder if we could explore rewriting some of these inner narratives that are so familiar to you? Because personally, I don't see anything you have shared as wrong or unworthy. I see a lovely human doing their absolute best with a lot of triggers at play - that doesn't define your worth or your essence. You are so much more than these little moments. And I think your friend would see the same. 💕

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow wow...I don't know what to say to that. It hit something in me. Made me teary.

I think it was hard to show up as me today for a number of reasons. I've felt a little disconnected from her lately - she's a writer, so she was trying to finish a project she was working on before she left. She's also got projects at home that she was trying to finish. But, I haven't really been able to open up lately much either. I've been quiet and that's made me feel a little disconnected, which made me feel uncertain today.

And, she's leaving and a part of me...as unfair as it is to her... is hurting because she's leaving. I know logically, she's just going on holiday and will be back, but that little person inside me is feeling all kinds of complicated emotions around that. She's kind of like a Mum figure for me...I feel protected and safe, heard and seen and held.

When I was in QLD and really really really struggling. She was the person who held me, who fought for me when I couldn't fight for myself. She helped me believe in my own capacity to get myself out of the situation I was in. She's the only one who knows what happened and what I went through, the only one who believes me.

We can work on rewriting some of my inner narratives, I feel safe enough here to voice them.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Honestly, I connect with so much of what you have shared, so I was teary too!! @NightFury

This makes perfect sense. It sounds like things weren't feeling as open or in flow as they could have been, it's really easy to overthink when situations go this way. But very often, the other person hasn't had the same experience us, so please try to remember that. 💛

She sounds so beautiful and amazing; it's understandable that such a soft and nurturing figure would represent a mother energy for you. There are so many layers that accompany our attachments to others... is this something you'd like to talk about with your counsellor when you chat next?

And amazing! We can try this whenever you'd like... but maybe for now, you could start by writing down some of the beliefs you currently have and explore if there is another part of you that has a counter-belief. Your mind will likely immediately interject because that thought doesn't feel safe yet, and that's okay (mine does the same). But I think it could be a good start to help you identify what other narratives could exist. 💕

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I know you have to go soon, so I'll try and get a quick reply in...I know you'll get it tomorrow anyway though...

It hits at the mother wound, I think. At my need to feel safe, nurtured, protected, held and "mothered" in a way that I've never experienced before.

Honestly, I don't know what I want to talk to my counsellor about tomorrow. There's so much at the moment. And knowing what's more important or the thing to choose for this session...is kind of overwhelming. A lot of things at the moment is overwhelming. And my brain is kinda of pressuring me because I am all too aware that I only have a couple of sessions left with her until I've had all of my Guided Recovery sessions.

I might sit down tomorrow and write some beliefs down. I have a bit of time up my sleeve tomorrow, and haven't filled out my day yet, so I can add it to my to-do list for the day.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme my day tomorrow...

- Coffee and meds

- Take Luna for a walk

- Groceries

- Counselling appointment

- Journalling beliefs to rewrite

- maaaybe going to a GROW session, if I can work up the courage.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Super! I'll check in with you tomorrow to see how you went.

I might take my niece out for brekkie tomorrow. She's a little sensitive tonight. @NightFury

Hugs, see you tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

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