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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Totally hear you @NightFury And I feel that if you know the 'end', then that can reduce some of that anxiety.

That's why, even with my coffee catch up today, I said from the beginning that it would only be a short one. So I think we were there for just under 1.5 hours. When I'm there, I want to continue, but I know that if I don't stick to the time, then I'm going to be exhausted after. That is how I set my socal boundaries.

And with your friend, she may be the one setting boundaries by having those clients.

Social boundaries are so important to maintaining healthy relationships I reckon.

The main thing is, do what's works for you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I haven't really had social boundaries until recently @tyme so I'm only just learning how to maintain them and what works for me.

Anything busy, loud and overwhelming and my social battery and capacity is reduced and I need to get out sooner than I would in a quieter, calmer environment.

I am just...kind of learning to work with me and my needs.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Absolutely! @NightFury It's. process and a journey of trial and error.

I think social bounary setting came about because I would be sooooo fearful of social interactions because I wouldn't know how long I'd feel 'trapped' there, how I should behave, what I should say and what I should do, or when to shut up!

So this is when I started telling myself, "You only have 1 hour. After that you can go." Then I was able to take a breath, let that anxiety go and tell myself I only had an hour so it would be okay.

But yes, there are some people who can be out for hours and hours! And that's also okay if that works for them.

We are all different.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I can relate to that so much.

I even drive my own car and never car pool to things because I need an escape plan. I have a lot of anxiety around social interactions - like around how to behave, how to speak, how to dress, and I over analyse everything and jump to the worst possible conclusions.

So, I've started giving myself an exit strategy and listening to what I need. And even then, it needs to be flexible because if I start feelong overwhelmed or dysregulated...chances are I'm going to want to get out of there.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

YES @NightFury ! Me too !

That's the word - "EXIT STRATEGY!"

That's what we need to cope with social situations, and that's okay.

I agree with taking my own car. Like to weddings, my sister stays FOREVER to talk and talk and talk. I'm hanging to go home. She said she's 'over socialised', yet she always stays so long. I always leave early, hence I take my own car.

I have another wedding coming up to attend soon. I'm planning my exit already!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It will. @NightFury

Oh hey, we still need to keep safety planning! Tomorrow night?

Well, this is great news! I know there is fear there and that is okay. Maybe we can acknowledge fear, allow her to be there, give her a kiss on the forehead, and let her know she can have a rest because things are going to be okay - because you can handle scary things. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I just have to get over the guilt that comes up for bailing early, and the fear that people are judging me for it.

Just wanted to say before you head off....

Good night @tyme and thank you for your support over the last couple of days.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow tomorrow night for safety planning, yes please and thank you for remembering.

Good night @AuntGlow I hope you have a spectacular rest of your night.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks @NightFury . But seriously, people can judge me but I have to look after my own mental health!

Take care hun. Goodnight. Speak soon.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury,

How are things feeling today? 💛🌻

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