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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for understanding @NightFury.

I completely understand that - you're allowed to process and do things in your own time/when they feel right. 💛

I am here with you. I always come back to the heart space when I don't know where to start... so if you pop a hand on your heart and check-in, what does it have to say right now?
I know this might sound really vulnerable to explore, but what would it be like to be honest with your friend about all that you are feeling?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow my heart space is hurting...it's trying to feel the feelings, but something won't allow it to. Whether that's the meds dulling my feelings, or if I've...if I've disconnected from them. My body keeps trying to go through the motions of feeling, and tearing up but nothing comes of it. It has to be one of the worst feelings...

I can't be honest with her. She's going on a wonderful trip to Scotland to see her family and she doesn't need to take my worries over her leaving and the fact that I'm scared of losing that sense of safety, that sense of being held and understood and supported, when she does go...she doesn't need that where she's going. She doesn't need to worry about me.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

How did your day go today according to your plan?

For me, I completed:

- training

- coffee out

- bought a new coffee machine

- forums

I have not yet completed:

- spend time with the kids

- a bit of an assignment

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme my plan for the day worked well. It made me feel like I was productive.

I managed to...

- Wake at around 4, but went back to sleep until 7.30.

- Deep cleaned the bathroom and toilet, and had a shower following that.

- Meds and coffee

- Took Luna for a walk

- Completed a couple of hours of study.

On top of that I...

- Chopped wood

- Vacuumed and mopped the floors

- and rang GROW to enquire about their support group in my area. @AuntGlow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hear you; it's like this release you desperately need but can't have... I experienced this when I started medication, so it could very well be that. Whatever the cause, I know it will shift. 💛

I hear where you're coming from, and you are so considerate to factor all of that in. (See? Great friend!)

From my perspective, if a friend said that to me, I would feel so happy that I can be that person for them! I would do my best to show up from afar, and if I started to feel a sense of over-responsibility, that would be on me to address that or to share what I need too - not my friend's. But maybe a healthier approach for you could be letting her know you'd like to keep in touch because you have appreciated the friendship so much? I would be curious to hear what she says. @NightFury 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Woohoo! @NightFury Well done!

What about for tomorrow? I'm happy to plan each day with you.

For me, tomorrow is:

- doctor's appointment

- optometrist appointment

- youth group

- forums

- bed

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme only if you're happy too. I would appreciate it, because I think it helped.

Things are currently taking a shift in the wrong direction right now, but it helped me during the day.

Tomorrow...

- coffee and meds

- take Luna for a walk

- clean the skirting boards

- catch up with friend

- study

- rest time

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It needs to shift @AuntGlow I don't like it.

I already know what she would say, AuntGlow. She's had a growl at me for pulling back before, because she was busy and had her own things going on, so I think she would be up for keeping in contact.

I think I would feel okay about letting her know that I would like to keep in contact.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Great @NightFury ! So you've got a few things scheduled in tomorrow. I'm glad you have a catch up with a friend tomorrow. Is that timed? I mean, do you have a time frame for it?

I'm only asking because I get stressed out when I don't have an 'end' time for a catch up. I find I over stay and then I am completely worn out when I get home so I get all frazzled and oversocialised.

Only a thought if you think it'll help.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I'm a little bit the same... but maybe for different reasons....I always feel awkward about knowing when to end it, and sometimes, I don't want it to end, but she needs it to end because she has clients. I never know what to do at the start and end of social catch ups, even with friends. I'm such an awkward person and always over analyse every little thing about the catch up.

If I have to do anything social like going our for dinner for example - I set myself a time...it's like talking to myself, "okay, so we're anxious about doing this, but we'll do this thing and we'll leave after 2 hours."

We're meeting at her house at 11. She only has a couple of hours to spare between work, clients and packing for Scotland. So we'll probably be done by 1 ish.

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