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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I acknowledge that my diet has a big impact on a lot of things - my mental health is one of them.

I don't think I have an eating disorder, but I eat my feelings. I eat too much and I am overweight. I eat when I feel those negative, uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes eating is kinda like fidgeting for me, it gives me something to keep me busy and active. Now that I think about it, I have gone the opposite direction too and have struggled to eat at all. That was when my Nan passed. So, I guess you can say, it's probably similar to what you experienced...disordered eating.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Absolutely @NightFury

The disordered eating really affected me. I'm a non-eater when I'm depressed and sad. I avoid everything and just hide under the blankets.

I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your nan. Grief doesn't really have a timeline, so do you think part of what you are experiencing now is still related to your nan?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme no...she passed a while ago now. I've experienced a lot of losses and they have had a huge impact on me and my mental health.

If I'm honest, I think I've struggled for a long time. I was looking at the stories forum this morning - contemplating sharing my full story, not just bits and pieces of it. I don't share it because it's a long story. But I think my challenges have been around for a long time...from when I was a child. They've just...gone under the radar.

I have a history of self-destructing.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Take your time @NightFury . Share only if you feel comfortable doing so. There's no pressure at all.

I guess it's about purposeful story telling. Consider the purpose behind sharing and that might help you open up when you feel able.

Ive had a very very dark past. There's a lot I cannot share, and there are parts I can and have shared here on the forums.

I was actually just a regular forums member before started working at SANE. My recovery was through these forums - it taught me how to open up and articulate what was going on for me. This also became a reflective place for me so that I could take the strategies I'd learnt in therapy and discuss it here.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I feel like I'm going to have to start getting used to talking about it and sharing if I'm going to start working on healing and on strategies for coping. I thought that sharing here might help me with that.

I'm just...I have a thing about not wanting people to know because I don't want them to treat me any differently. I'm not comfortable with receiving empathy and understanding and kindness from others. I don't know what to do with it. People who know parts of my story tell me I'm strong- I'm not, I don't feel it. I have such high expectations of myself. I should be able to get my life into order, I should be able to regulate my anxiety, in fact, I should be able to get myself through the day without feeling anxious...other people can.

Off on a tangent...

I just thought that maybe if I share here and it goes okay, then it will make me feel more comfortable sharing and talking and opening up in counselling sessions, even when talking to a GP, etc.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work


I just thought that maybe if I share here and it goes okay, then it will make me feel more comfortable sharing and talking and opening up in counselling sessions, even when talking to a GP, etc.


This is exactly my point. This is an anonymous space so it was perfect for me to share. It doesn't mean you have to share everything... we also have to keep in mind that we don't want to trigger others reading on. To do this, we just use an overarching word such as 'self harm' 'abuse' etc. instead of going into details.

No pressure of course. You do what's comfy for you. @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I'm conscious of that too - triggering and having an impact on others. I'll think about it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury, I just want to back up what @tyme said. The forum is anonymous and you are in charge, so you can decide what to share and what not to, there is no pressure. You don't have to worry about doing other things with forum members so there's not that awkwardness. When I first joined I just read things, then I put up some responses to other people, then I started saying some broad info about me no details, now I'm a bit more open. I still don't really say any details about my past, sometimes I do about my current situation. I try not to put anything that will identify me.

Also as tyme said you can put a trigger warning on yourself, or ask a moderator to do it, even then the mods might edit something if they think it impacts on anonymity or goes outside guidelines

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 thank you for your reply and for backing up what @tyme has already spoken about.

I think it would help me to share. I think it's part of the acceptance, of owning my experiences and developing the confidence to talk to people about what I'm going through and have been through. It's hard for me - my thoughts start and I get really self-conscious. I've even recently started a discussion, only to delete it because...I tell myself no one cares, no one wants to hear and I'm just posting for attention or I'm too much and it's going to drive people away. It's not true, but it runs through my head - I think it's anxiety related.

I don't know how to do a trigger warning, but I'm sure the mods will tell me if I've done something wrong or shared something that could impact someone else.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes @NightFury I think I started to respond to that discussion but couldn't because it was already deleted by the time I finished typing 😂

I spent decades not saying anything, and I found it difficult to post things because I worried that I was just talking about silly stuff, or no one will be interested etc. But people respond to posts so I'm probably not doing it completely wrong.

I can't seem to do a Trigger Warning (Spoiler Alert) on my phone, but can on a lap top

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