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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3919 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks for sharing @Till23 . I have similar experiences.

Also @NightFury , for me, I found that the skills I developed on the forums were transferable to the real world so that I was better at sharing my needs with others.

Even now, I have to say I'm better at expressing myself in writing than speaking. I'm not a very good speaker at all.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 thanks for the tip! I might jump on my laptop tonight after work and have a look, see if I can figure out the trigger warning and how to actually do one.

@tyme @Till23 most of the time, I don't know what I need, let along how to ask for it. It's a skill I have to learn because for example with my studies, there are supports there but I don' know what I need or want and so...don't ask. And if you don't ask, you don't get them.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm having a hard time posting at the moment. I post a reply that even hints at what's going on for me and how I feel and then I remove it because...my head is telling me that "I'm just doing it for attention." It's what my Mum would often say to me when I was ill, having night terrors, or she didn't understand what was going on for me. I would like this to be a space where I can be honest about how I'm feeling but I'm getting in my own way.

I would love some advice...

@tyme I'm sorry, I know you're away but I don't know who to talk to...

@Till23 you and I seem to have similar thoughts patterns?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Funny how demonised the phrase 'doing it for attention' has become in our society. If you need attention, that tells me your need for social connection isn't being met! No shame in that!

And social connection isn't just chatting, it does include feeling seen, heard, and accepted when we express our vulnerability. So when you've done this and got told you're just doing it for attention, it insinuates that your feelings aren't real and that you're just trying to manipulate people. But hun... you are human... you deserve attention and you are allowed to seek it.

Cos that experience was so ingrained from a young age, even if logically you know that the forums community wouldn't tell you that your feelings don't matter, your body may be throwing you like a million warning signs every time you go to hit post.

Maybe you could try to share something really small, or just one or two lines first? Or maybe post, but then with the knowledge that you'll take it down again after an hour if you feel too unsteady. What do you think?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I just want a place where I don't have to have it all together all the time, where I can be honest about how I'm feeling, where I don't have to be anything but myself...

It's hard when...when, I just need someone to hear that I'm not in a good space today...but freak out and delete the post or I withdraw.

Maybe I could post, knowing that I can take it down if I feel weird about it...maybe it's okay to do that.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury absolutely, take it super slow and like, by all means feel free to ask us to take a post down for you. Say for instance it's too intense to revisit or you're too overwhelmed to open forums - we just need a link or an idea of what you want removed and we can take it down lickety split. Or edited or if you want us to lock a thread for example, also an option where it can remain in public view but no one would be able to comment on it.

Maybe that can help you build up some confidence to be more vulnerable!

Cos yeah, what you're describing sounds like the exhaustion of masking to me. You definitely deserve a space where you can just be 💜

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you @Jynx for replying. This helps.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling and having a hard time posting at the moment, but please know that we are hear to listen, without judgement and I encourage you to continue to share, even if its just a sentence or two.

I can relate to what you said about that internal parental voice, I hear it too. When it's playing in the back of my mind and clouding my thinking, I try to do some reality checking, be compassionate with myself and challenge them, as I know they are not helpful to me or my situation.

I try to move forward and make my own decisions, even if that programmed parental voice is telling me I can't or shouldn't, or tries to make me feel ashamed for simply trying.

This inner child work of challenging those thoughts and reparenting the parts of us that felt unheard or unsafe, takes time. Please be gentle with yourself and that little girl inside who deserved so much more kindness and care.

You are not alone, and I hope you continue to feel supported here.

Kindly

Alisse

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Alisse @Jynx My week has been hard and confusing and all over the place and I am super exhausted.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I hope it's okay if we move over here? As I said, I don't want to hijack @MissGremlin's thread.

I am...

I just am...it's been a very up and down couple of weeks and I'm battling with thoughts that stop me from feeling comfortable communicating what's going on.

Just this week for an example...I've gone through so many states of being. I've been incredibly anxious, to completely drained and exhausted, to being knee deep in brain fog, to feeling frustrated because I'm tired of feeling like I always have to hold it together. I've had panic attacks set off by too much noise, and overstimulation. I've had no focus and then I've been caught in hyperfocus and adrenaline fuelled energy where there's no rest. And...I've had thoughts of SI come up for the first time in a while. I can't seem to find a baseline at the moment, or maintain that baseline.

I don't know what's going on with me and I'm a little scared...to be honest.

Yesterday was a good day. We celebrated my niece's 2nd birthday. I can't buy her a present until I get paid on Wednesday. Today I've been emotional. Triggered by Mother's Day. I went and saw my Mum and could only afford to buy her a coffee and a donut for Mother's Day and while driving home I was hit with a barrage of thoughts about how much I fail and let down the people that I love, how much I'm failing at life at the moment. I felt my chest get heavy and it feels like I can't take a breath, which is something that I've felt in the middle of a panic attack.

I have my first phone call with SANE's guided recovery counsellor tomorrow after work and I don't know how to talk to them about any of this.

Edited just to add….

I’m worried about having to talk to someone, because I put up a post like this and then instantly start to get all nervey and fidgety and want it taken down.

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