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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Nice! @NightFury The weighted blanket sounds so lovely. I have 2. Unfortunately, they don't keep me warm! I wish they kept me warm too. One of mine is 8kgs, and the other blanket is 12kgs... believe it or not, sometimes I put both on my at once!

I hope things go okay in terms of your physical health. Sounds like a lot is going on. I go for a blood test every year, just to make sure everything is in control. I usually have very low iron. But I can see that high iron is also a concern.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I hadn't been to the doctor in 8 years, so...this is me making an attempt to take a little bit better care of my physical health.

I ordered a 7.5 kilogram blanket, they sent me a 5 kilogram one...so a little disappointed but it's a small problem and I don't have the fight to fight that battle.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Ru-bee that numb, disconnected space is horrible. But I understand it a bit better now. I understand why.

I hope reaching out here and staying connected can help tonight too.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You should tell them! @NightFury . Then get the blanket you paid for!

But just so you know, even with the 20 kgs on me, I don't feel it until it's time to move or make the bed - then it's a workout!

So the 5 or 7.5kg probably won't feel that different when it's on you.

On the other hand, if you still want the 7.5kg, I hope you find a way to ask them for it!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello @NightFury, how has the weekend been for you so far? And how are you feeling today? 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi, @AuntGlow I hope you've had a good weekend?

How honest do I be here...

Hmmm...So, I hit a bit of a spiral on Thursday and I've only been popping my head in here every now and then.

I've not been sleeping well, waking up in the middle of the night feeling unsafe and yesterday I couldn't regulate my anxiety. Last night, I was so close to maybe going to emergency because my heart was racing and it scared me a little and I couldn't slow it down. I convinced myself to go to bed instead and to stop being so dramatic...I eventually fell asleep. I've been awake since 4 though this morning.

So far today, I'm doing a bit better with my anxiety. I feel heavy, a bit exhausted and sore, had waves of anxiety, but I'm not as bad as yesterday. I feel pretty vulnerable though.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

My weekend has been okay, feeling very tired lately. But I suspect this might be because I need more moments of slow, alongside consistent nourishment/movement. Thank you for asking! @NightFury

Your honesty is always welcome here and I appreciate you sharing so openly. The spiral sounds really overwhelming... I am sure lack of sleep is making things feel even more intense for you too.

Gosh, heart stuff is always so scary, isn't it? How is it feeling today? (I have had this experience too btw!)

I am glad you're feeling a little better now. Do you know what has been helping?

Oh, and have you had any space to think about your safety plan? 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow it sounds like you've been busy. I remember you saying you worked most of your weekend last weekend, so it could be a reminder to make sure you're taking some time for yourself too.

I can work out whether my anxiety sets it off, or if it sets my anxiety off. But, I've had it happen twice now and both times...I haven't been in a great place with my mental health. It's feeling....less hectic than yesterday. It's not as strong. I've had moments of anxiety where It's set my heart racing but...I've managed to bring it back down to a calmer point.

What's been helping? I've tried to allow myself to have a slower day today. Maybe that's made a difference? And I gave myself a bit of space...

My safety plan, I haven't really gotten back to that but I need to...

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Ah yes, good memory @NightFury. I am trying to get on top of financial things, but it certainly takes time, and me time is also important - thank you for the reminder. 🥰

I think it's one of those things where they feed into each other, which can be so tough, because you often need one to ease up for the other one to feel more manageable. I think in this case, checking in with what you need in the moment is always so helpful. For example, slowing down, moving your body, journaling, distraction, food or water. This is where the safety plan can help, because you will have a list of things you can pick from without having to think too much when you're dysregulated (because that can be tough!).

Have you played any of your games yet? 👀

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow financial stress is tough. I've been there and still step into that every now and then. So I hear ya!

I like that idea @AuntGlow having a list of things I can turn to when I need to. Something that I don't have to think about because overwhelm is a thing at the moment. My counsellor has told me not to focus on using strategies to help me at the moment, but has given me a list of small, gentle things to try...with no pressure. Things like...sitting outside with a cup of tea, or coffee, or hot Milo.

If I have a similar list of things to do that I can reach for when in that state and not feeling safe. It needs to include things to do of a night as well, because that's when I'm feeling the most unsafe, when the urges and thoughts hit strongest.

I dug my Switch out of the box it was in and charged it over the weekend. So, it's good to go.

The things I have on my safety plan include...

* Take Luna for a walk

* Colour In

* Draw a picture

* Play lawn bowls

And I can add...play my Switch...I need to take Lawn Bowls off because it's not practical for something quick and easy to reach for...and not something that can happen of a night.

I also need to fill out...the people I can talk to section...

I only have my friend (she's leaving for Scotland in a couple of weeks)

And the SANE forums.

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