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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx Can I share something with you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Go for it @NightFury

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I think I came out to my first person this week...

A work colleague. She sent me a social media friend request and I noticed that she had a female partner...

For some reason, I felt brave and struck up a conversation with her. I asked her about how she felt being part of the Catholic School system and having a female partner and whether she felt...I don't know, like she was judged. She briefly talked me through her journey and how it isn't easy and how she came out to her family and at work.

And I might have tried to explain that I was asking, because I was trying to figure out my own sexuality. It was like I felt I had to justify why I was asking such personal questions.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh wow @NightFury bit of an accident but hey, it's a step! How are you feeling about it?

Did they respond well, and do you feel safe with this person knowing?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx they responded well and it felt like a relief at the time.

I just...part of me is sick and tired of hiding, masking and pretending from everyone. But it's also makes me feel really really vulnerable to allow people close enough to see me and to know me.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury aye that's such a mood. That's kinda what happened for me - I got to a point where the pretending was more painful than the vulnerability.

Fun lil thing I noticed that may be relevant - the more I pretended the worse it got. The more I am vulnerable the easier it gets. It's still not easy, just way easier, and like... I still get that fragile feeling, but the anxiety that used to accompany it is waaaaaay less nowadays.

One step at a time eh? Are you and your colleague still chatting/connecting?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx thank you for sharing that. Knowing that it gets easier over time kinda helps.

We only chat at work. She sits at the desk next to mine. We chat at work, but don't really connect outside of it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury you're welcome!

Hey I think if she's added you on socials, that means she wants to be friends 😊

TY for sharing this with me hun!! I hope it turns out to be a lovely lil social connection for you!

I'm off for tonight!! Thank you for your trust and openness hun! Chat next time 💜

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I am glad I am not alone in this. 💛

YES! That is exactly it. Small soothing activities that help you to slowly regulate. I think all of those things can be on your safety plan in the 'Things I can do to regulate' section. How does that sit with you? I really like what you have so far, but those smaller things like tea and sitting outside will be a great addition:

* Taking Luna for a walk

* Going to the beach or to the rainforest

* Having a hot drink.

* Connecting to my senses is grounding

* Drawing is a distraction

* Colouring is a distraction

* Listening to an audio book is a distraction

* Play lawn bowls

* Switch

*Connecting with Sane Community

Can you have a think about what other little things you can add? I will check-in to see what you have come up with tomorrow. 🥰

We can absolutely increase the people you can connect with part of your plan too! Firstly, how is the recovery program/online group feeling for you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx thank you for listening. Good night, Jynx, I Hope you have a good week.

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