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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey hun @NightFury , it's not about disappointing me. It doesn't 'hurt' me if you don't do it. Remember, we were encouraging each other. You don't 'fail' because you miss a night or two.

In the past, if I said these things to myself, my therapist would ask, "Would you really say these things to a child you were looking after?" That is, would you tell a child they were a disappointment because they'd forgotten a task?

I'd encourage you to show yourself some compassion. As I mentioned before, look at how far you have come already!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme no, I wouldn't say it to a child in my care. I would probably find a way to make it accessible for them. Put in steps to help them be successful.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I hear you have such a LARGE heart. Is it possible to show yourself some self-love too @NightFury ?

Once again, I hear it is so hard to do this and I'm speaking from experience. But I can also speak from experience that the more we dwell on unhelpful thoughts, the stronger they get in our minds.

For me, when unhelpful thoughts start budding, I nip them in the bud so 'carve' out a neural pathway in my brain which I want to further develop.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Okay, this is really good because it is very specific! So, we know what to work with. @NightFury 🥰

Can you tell me some things that usually help you to feel grounded or provide a healthy distraction?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know how @tyme

I try and then fall back into the same thought patterns. I don't know how to show myself self-love, or how to stop those thoughts. They just build...particularly when I'm struggling.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I'm just...I've identified that nights are really really hard and while I'm at work, I can do what I did today and force myself to go, to engage and eventually the SI take a back seat because my brain is so busy with other things. It's when I stop that I'm starting to feel unsafe, when the "I give up" starts to become loud.

Things that help me to ground or to distract...

* Taking Luna for a walk

* Going to the beach or to the rainforest

* Having a hot drink.

* Connecting to my senses is grounding

* drawing is a distraction

* colouring is a distraction

* listening to an audio book is a distraction

* maybe playing my Switch, but I haven't tried it (it's still packed in a box somewhere)

* chatting here (though this has been harder for me over the past week)

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I understand this. Nights have always been the hardest for me too @NightFury.

What are your thoughts on listening to podcasts, watching comfort shows, or trying out your switch of an evening?

I know I am finishing up now, but we can continue this tomorrow - I will be back at 10am.

I think you have a really strong list here, but we can keep adding to it and create a self-care plan sort of thing. You're doing amazing, I am always so proud of you. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I have the TV on in the background some nights, but I don't watch it that much....it's more...it's comforting to have other noise in the house.

Maybe I'd feel more engaged if it was a podcast or playing my switch. I can give it a try and see how it goes.

I will be at work when you start, but can reply on my breaks. I also have back to back appointments after work. I'm going back to the GP to get the results of my blood tests and talk about how the meds are going, then I have a phone appointment with my counsellor. It wasn't initially supposed to be that way. I had to change my GP appointment due to parent teacher conferences Tuesday and Wednesday.

Thank you for your support. Good night @AuntGlow @tyme

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I get that completely! That is why I think podcasts can be good, because they are so conversational. They've helped me to feel less alone, so I can definitely recommend. I like listening to ones about attachment theory, manifestation, or mental health in general. What topics interest you? ☺️ @NightFury

Honestly, the switch sounds FUN. What will you play?

It sounds like you have a big day ahead, so it's completely fine to take your time. We can continue safety planning things over the weekend too. 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I listen to Mel Robbins, and I don't mind the Diary of a CEO, and Trent Shelton every now and then. I like the self-help/mental health podcasts. Then there's the mysteries, so like...Kindred Spirits is a ghost stories podcast and I also like those about spirituality, connection, and intuition.

I don't know what I'll play. I don't even remember what games I've got. I like the Role Play/Fantasy games and then the old school 90's games like Sonic and Crash and Mario.

I'd like to continue safety planning over the weekend (if you're around) because I need something workable, something I can use.

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