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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

All good @NightFury . I tend to float in an out so you can tag me any time.

Sorry you had a bad night. I can relate to that. I hope your assignment can distract you for a bit. But I'm mindful distraction doesn't last forever.

Can you schedule in a break and go walk the dog, then come back a bit later to work on your assignment? I walk can be so beneficial.

I know this is totally not ideal, but some times, there are days I just need a cap nap in between to help me 'reset'.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I like the idea of taking a break to take Luna for a walk. It's still cold, but the sun's out today.

And no, distractions don't last forever...but I might be able to satisfy the part of me that needs to feel as if I've achieved something on my assignment today and then do something to reset.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yes, you can feel a sense of achievement. If your main goal is to complete part of your assignment, then see if you can break it down into smaller goals ...

Lists help me sooooo much! I've got 7 things on my list today and I've completed 3 so far this morning @NightFury

Wonder if this will help?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tyme I hope it helps...

It's just hard when I feel so foggy, heavy headed and unsettled.

I think I'm going to try and aim to get the script written for my Powerpoint presentation, then leave the Powerpoint and the recording of my presentation for tomorrow.

I might aim to take a break every hour or so - with a reminder to eat, drink and do some of the basic self-care.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx are you around?

Welcome back! Hope you had a good week.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Allo allo @NightFury I was meaning to pop in on ya!! How's you hun?

naww ty ty 😊

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm not having a good day. @Jynx

I've been using distractions today - housework, study, I mowed the lawns, folded like three weeks worth of washing - but as soon as the distractions disappeared the struggles and the SH stepped forward.

I'm now sitting on the couch with a cuppa and something to eat, trying to ground myself. I'm safe. I don't need medical attention, just...some compassion, some support and maybe someone to help me ground a little.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Oh that's rough as @NightFury but I am very glad to hear that you are taking the time to be slow and gentle tonight. Hope your cuppa is feeling nice and warm in your hands and helping you stay present 😉

Aye of course hun. If there's any thoughts that are 'sticking' in your mind, or anything you wanna get off your chest, or any lingering feelings of shame, by all means feel free to express em here. What's shareable is bearable after all 💜

Distracty chats are also always an option! Big squishjy hugs, comin atcha!

🫂🫂🫂

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I'm now laying on the floor in front of the wood heater, trying to get warm, but also slowing things down.

I don't know how to talk about this week...but I can try.

So, I upped my meds to the full dose this week and I'm just feeling...unsettled by it. My brain feels weird. My memory is all scattered. I even forgot to pay my rent last Sunday. I've been distracted, had a hard time focusing and my brain feels slow.

I have more energy, but it's weird because I don't know how I'm supposed to feel and a lot of this week...well, I've not been feeling too much of anything. Just kinda empty. I don't know if I just need to recalibrate to it...or if it's something to talk to my GP about. The numb, foggy, empty feeling was setting in before the meds...I can't even cry...so I don't know.

The slow brain, that empty feeling, brain fog...I identified with my counsellor as a trigger for SH and the urges have been really hard to work with. She gave me strategies to try - one made it worse, one is too cold here to use, the other works...somewhat. But, I've still SH'd more so than normal and I feel disheartened.

Then @AuntGlowand I in this thread were talking about my plans/goals for my future and I just...I couldn't respond because I don't have a lot of hope that the future I see is...is even achievable any more. I just feel kind of lost with it all.

I woke up this morning feeling heavy and brain foggy and anxious and just wanting to give up. I didn't go to bowls and didn't do self-care Saturday because I really just want to stay home this weekend and get an assignment done. I had a list of jobs to do, so I forced myself to do them. And now we're here. The jobs are done and I'm just trying to slow down.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I can really hear how distressing it is for you to be stuck in the 'fog'. Sounds like it is beyond just feeling a bit scattered and more like you're feeling almost entirely disconnected from yourself and the world. That is SUCH a hard place to be, and it doesn't surprise me that you've noticed an increase in the SH.

Remember - SH is still a coping strategy - it's just that it's not really a healthy one to maintain long-term. But if it is the difference between you being here and you not being here, then it is what it is. I for one would never shame you, or anyone else, who needs to use these particular tools to survive. And survive you have!! Kudos, cos it sounds like it was quite a big one.

Legit re: future goals and stuff. I'm sure AuntGlow will understand why you weren't able to respond. It can feel soooo overwhelming when it feels so out of reach. I promise it's not as far away as it feels though.

Hey sounds like you prioritised your time as needed. Is the assignment all done now?

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