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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I've felt disconnected for a while, but more so now. I feel like it's something that I'm failing at fighting. I actually feel like I'm failing at a lot of things. That's coming up a lot for me.

Thank you for reminding me of that - that it's a coping strategy. Thank you for saying that you wouldn't shame me or anyone else who SH's.

The assignment is a work in progress. I had to write a script for my PowerPoint presentation. I got that done today. Tomorrow I'll make the PowerPoint, then film myself presenting it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury I don't see you as failing at anything hun.

It can be hard to remember sometimes, cos it can be SO distressing, but dissociation is actually how our brains protect us from overwhelming emotions. It's hard to fight because it's already a fight - your unconscious fighting to keep you functional.

Do you find grounding helpful? For me it depends on the day as to which particular type of grounding is gonna work. Sometimes it's about throwing my attention at something fully (like the dishes), other times it's about gently moving my awareness through my body to try to reconnect.

Do you know what sorta stuff helps you stay tethered?

Oh yikes filming myself gives me the heebie jeebies - had to do it for uni my own self! How you feeling about it?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx when you explain dissociation like that, it makes sense.

Sometimes, I find grounding helpful. It's kinds helpful with those anxious feelings, to try and stop the rising panic before it builds into a panic attack.

Something that requires me to use my senses works well for me.

I'm not sure I know what kind of grounding works for dissociation yet. It's kinda a semi new state for me. I've been managing my anxiety since I was a teen, but I think this is something that's only been a big thing for me over the past three months. Or maybe I'm just more aware of it, I don't know. I'm still learning what it's like for me, what it feels like.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury yeah the sensory stuff is my go to as well.

That question is such a mood, the ol 'is this new or have I always been this messed up and I'm just more aware of it now?' dealio 😅 I try to remind myself that it kinda doesn't matter either way, because it's in the past. If I knew the answer, would anything be different? Probably not. So instead, what matters is how I'm moving through it now.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx and breathing...I've been doing Smiling Minds each night before bed to try and work on my breath and on awareness of when it changes.

Yeah, it doesn't really matter. It just is and trying to figure out if it's new, or if it's something that's always been there...is kinda pointless I guess.

The assignment and videoing myself...I hate it. I have a thing about the fact that I sound like an eight year old. I hate the sound of my own voice and watching myself on camera.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Oh that's awesome, love the just before bed too, great idea!

Hmm... I mean I wouldn't say it's a completely pointless thing, but for me it's more about managing things that are creating distress, and agonising over the not-knowing was what caused me the most distress, not the not-knowing itself, if that makes sense. If it's something you still want to delve into, maybe you can do so when you've gotten a bit more familiar with how to manage the experience? Just food for thought. Heck, maybe it doesn't matter one bit! Sometimes only time can tell us the answer.

BIG mood, omg. I wish I had tips for you.... except maybe 'once you're done, it's done!' which is probably the least comforting thing ever 🤣

But hey that's what the community is here for, so if you wanna come have a vent about it tomorrow arvo, by all means!! You're VERY unlikely to be alone in these feelings, ahaha

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx I hear ya.

You tend to get stuck in overthinking the why and get stuck in it, instead of in trying to figure out how to move through it. You're right, maybe it's something to think about once I figure out how to manage this better.

It's the final assignment for the trauma-informed practice course. We still have a week left after handing it in, but like...once it's done, it is really done.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Sounds like a good plan 😉

Yeah I totally know the feeling, like it's soooo close, yet there's this big anxiety-inducing hurdle between you and that finish line.

I reckon you'll smash it 😎

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Jynx thanks for the vote of confidence! I don't have any, so it helps.

I don't have to smash it. I just have to pass. Not aiming for anything higher. I'd be happy to not tank it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury any time friend, part of what community is all about - having people who believe in us even when we may not be able to! We got your back hun 😉

Totally! I found that with my own video recordings (we had to record a therapy session with a client 😵) I really only reviewed it once to make sure it all worked, but like once it was done I didn't spend toooo much time in it. I know I can get obsessive over minutiae and I knew if I tried to re-record too many times I'd just get in my own head!

Hopefully this is similar for you, where you can just record it all and then it's done in one fell swoop!

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