FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

371 - 380 of 3,920

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury I know you are having a bit of a difficult time at the moment, and I don't want to make you feel any worse. So I'm reticent to say anything. I also just watch Four Corners on ABC which was about MH care I NSW. I am so anxious I feel sick, but at the same time I feel overwhelmingly tired. I kind of feel like pulling out and staying here where it is kind of safe. I have kept preparing though and will do a final repack tomorrow morning.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 I hear you on the overwhelmingly tired. It's really hard to move past that state. I know. I'm right there with you.

I just want to say though - a change of scenery, seeing new places, meeting new people - as anxiety ridden as it is - will create new neural pathways for you. I know it's hard and scary, but pulling out now, when it's within your grasp...will be harder for you. I know you'll beat yourself up over it.

You've got this and we've all got you if and when you need.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Yeah @NightFury the tiredness is pretty full-on and I just feel I have to be awake enough to make sure I don't forget or miss anything important. Like some money or things like that!

Absolutely, the benefits of going are immense and you would think that would be enough to shift my mood up a notch or two. I was doing some reading a couple of nights ago and I did start to feel a bit excited.

I just checked in for the two flights I need to get to the first destination which is where the event will be.

I agree pulling out now would have a lot of detrimental effects so I will put one foot in front of the other and get myself there. I think I will be okay once I've done the final pack tomorrow. I've got notes everywhere reminding me to do things!

I will be leaving a very messy house behind as I haven't got through my ironing and a few other tidying things I wanted to get done. The outside of the house is good though and I gave my neighbours my letterbox key today. I will just have to cope with my house being untidy. Nobody should find out

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@Till23 meh, the housework will still be there when you get back.

Travel safely and remember to take deep breaths and to find quiet moments for yourself. Thinking of you!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good afternoon @NightFury,

Yes - everything! haha

Oh wow, I am so glad you had this experience, that must have felt so good for you. 🥰

It's okay that you didn't divulge everything straight off the bat - taking sharing slowly is okay, and it can help us to avoid flooding the nervous system. But I think this shows that next time you will be ready to share more, which is amazing!

You deserve safe people.

I get that, it seems like this was a really big moment for you. Have you practiced any self-care since? And have you had conversations or connection with them at all?

That's okay, I am glad you listened to your body here. Where did you notice your mind was drifting off to?

I'm so proud of you for booking in the MHCP appointment! This is so exciting. I know it's scary and confronting, it's a lot to look at our history and how it's impacted us. But I think you are really brave for doing so, and I genuinely believe you will see so much shift when you have a regular safe person to share with.

Ah yes, that is a lot... what is the most important thing you need to get done today?

And how did the group go? Sometimes I pop into those. ☺️

Yay! So glad to hear it. Do you have any thoughts or reflections from watching her work?

I will have more time and space to chat today, so yes! 💛

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I'm still at work and, about to go into a staff meeting but will try and reply to what you've sent me...because I really need to talk to someone today.

I haven't really had a chance to practice self care and won't have. I have to push this week and I hate it. I have my niece to look after, after work three days this week and a big assignment to work on, due on Sunday and this week is going to be a challenge. I am already struggling.

When my mind was drifting, it wasn't drifting off to anywhere. I was just spacing out and staring into space and couldn't really think of anything or feel anything other than exhaustion and maybe frustration.

The group - I was there, but I was kind of absent. I was studying in the background, cooking dinner etc. I tuned in some of the time. I like how they're casual and not so...overloaded with information. They're relaxed.

@AuntGlow I am actually a little worried about myself today. I woke up and my thoughts aren't wonderfully kind. I just feel really ashamed of myself and I don't know how to unpack that. I'm just sitting in it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Absolutely - here for you whenever you need, whenever you have the time, okay?

I would be overwhelmed with all of that too. It's like the mind goes, 'ahh, this is too much at once!' and kind of shuts down. What is the one thing you need most right now?

Yes, the groups are really relaxed and meet you where you're at - there's never any pressure either, which I think is good for you right now.

I am with you, that would feel so uncomfortable - shame is a very all-encompassing feeling. How did you feel after the exercise Rav3n gave you? Did it illuminate anything for you at all?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow I'm home now from work and I have my niece here with me. I'm trying to just put on that happy face.

I don't know what I need right now? Someone to be gentle with me? If that makes sense. I'm not being very gentle on myself right now.

It was a good exercise. I need to talk about what's set me off...but I don't know if it's okay to do here. I don't want to get in trouble.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury It's so hard to be fully present with people when we feel vulnerable, isn't it? Maybe you don't have to put on a happy face at all times though? Maybe it's okay to be where you're at and model a healthy relationship with all emotions? 🥰

I understand... I think you deserve lots of compassion, but it is really hard to do that for ourselves.

Hmm, let's explore it now and I can let you know? You're allowed to share your feelings and experiences, so you can say that I encouraged you! haha 💛 

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow Okay...but give me a little bit of time? So that I can share when the rug rat goes home. She should be picked up within the next 15/20 minutes.

371 - 380 of 3,920