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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm glad you are enjoying the role @NightFury . I'm guessing it's quite different to teaching?

Have you recovered from your niece last week lol? I'm about to have my niece over for the night.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It is @tyme very different. The difference has been hard to adjust to, but I am adjusting. It's less stressful and it's more supportive of my mental health. Like, for example, my new psychologist sent through seven prebooked appointments this week, most of them are during work time. I asked my supervisor if that was okay, and he said..."it's more than okay, it's encouraged." I would never have been able to do that during work hours while teaching.

I think I've recovered. Lol. It took a few days. I wish you luck with your niece tonight.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

What a relief. Maybe this was exactly what you needed to be able to heal.... then later, if you wanted to, you could go back. @NightFury But for now, your MH is more important.

Sometimes, we don't realise why things happen the way they do... yet in time, it all falls into place 🙂

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

They've been fantastic @tyme

And maybe you're right. It gives me space and time to do more to take care of my own needs.

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening wonderful human! @NightFury

How are you today?

I am responding to your message about your appointment to begin with 🥰:

Firstly, I am so glad to hear that you left feeling hopeful, despite some challenging questions that came up. Your psychologist sounds really thorough and attentive! Her ability to empathise and validate your experiences as real and challenging must have been so reassuring. 🥹

When do you see her again? I would love an update. I am so excited for you!

Also, have you started listening to the podcast yet?

Re: your last message from the 26th of April, 8:07pm...

Know that I hear you on the feeling disconnected and alone front... I wonder if allowing yourself to feel what you're feeling and also intentionally connecting to any micro moments of connection throughout your day could be helpful?

YAY! I am so glad you will be seeing your Scottish friend. What do you have planned?

I think it's really lovely that you and the TA still keep in touch. Would you organise a catch up with them at some point too?

I completely understand what you mean about the study meltdowns feeling too much to hold. How has study been this week? Also, I wonder what it would be like to connect to a sense of grounding or soothing before studying?

Journaling is sooo helpful, isn't it? Have you managed to explore any more writing?

Please let me know if you have delved into tarot too! I was just doing an oracle reading with my housemate and it's so interesting to read how self-love and grounding are key focus points for me right now (and always haha).

"It's like I'm in the world and in my life, but I'm not part of it." - ah, this is very relatable. I can hear your yearning for connection is coming from a deep desire to feel and experience yourself in the world.

Some say that depression stems from a lack of expression, and I think that can come from a disconnect from inner safety. And a conduit to that safety may not always look like traditional grounding, it can also look like curiosity and play. If you were to approach life with just that tiny bit more curiosity and playfulness - what might that look like? What could feel different? 💛

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thanks re my dog @NightFury 🐶

Hope you have had a good evening ☀️

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow I've missed our connection. I hope you've been okay?

I am okay. My head has been noisey and my anxiety has been really high this week. It's had me jumping out of my skin at loud cars and generally feeling terrible.

I feel like...because my experiences aren't something others can see, they aren't validated as challenging and hard, and that is hard for me. Having someone validate me and not compare them to how others experience OCD or depression or GAD and reduce them as not being as bad, felt really reassuring.

I have another appointment on the 25th of May. The clinic sent through seven prebooked appointments, so I know when they're coming up.

I have started listening to the podcast. It's amazing! Maybe a little too much information to take in, but it's something I can always listen to again if I need to. It's really interesting.

I see my Scottish friend tomorrow and I'm nervous and excited. What if things have changed? I haven't seen her since December, what if conversation isn't easy? What if the friendship has shifted and become distanced? We are going for a walk along the beach near her home, then out for coffee and lunch.

I caught up with her last weekend by accident really. I had my niece overnight and I brought an air bed for her to sleep on, but couldn't find a pump. I rang my friend to see if she had a pump. She just lives on the other side of the river and she invited us over. Her hubby pumped the bed up, my niece played with her boys and had the best of time (she didn't want to leave) and we chatted for about an hour.

With study - the course oficially starts today, but I've started working through week one's material. My student advisor for this unit is a mental health nurse and she's already made contact over the phone. She's really helped me to feel supported in that one phone call. She gets it. Again, she knows and has experience with the impact of mental health and she gets it. She wants me to reach out if I'm finding things challenging.

I haven't explored any more writing, no. And I brought a new Tarot deck the other day but I don't like it. They were cheap and so they look cheap. Tarot has been on my mind.

Play doesn't feel natural to me. I feel stiff and awkward and I worry about how I look within it. Do I look as awkward and as stiff as I feel? I don't know, maybe it would look like not painting within the lines...letting myself free on a blank piece of paper and painting what comes out. Maybe it could look like chasing what makes me curious...when I feel curious about something, allowing myself to indulge and pursue it?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury sorry I haven’t had a chance to read any posts, but I still wanted to just post to say “thinking of you” and “I care” even though I’ve been absent and unavailable. 🤗. You are not forgotten.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for the reassurance @AlwaysMyself

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @NightFury, I just wanted to check in. It sounds like there’s been a lot moving through your mind lately and I’m sorry your anxiety has been so high this week.

Feeling jumpy and on edge can be exhausting, especially when others can’t always see how much you’re carrying inside. Your experiences are real and valid, even if they aren’t visible to others.

I also noticed how much courage you’re showing, with your upcoming appointment, starting study, and seeing your Scottish friend tomorrow even while feeling nervous. It sounds like there are some supportive things around you too, like your student advisor really “getting it,” which is so valuable.

And for what it’s worth, your catch-up with your friend last weekend sounds like a lovely sign that the connection is still there.

I hope tomorrow goes more gently than your worries are predicting 🤗

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