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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Thank you for thinking of me @tyme

I wrote nearly 900 words of my assignment today before I packed it away about an hour ago. Just a sharing my progress I guess and needing someone to help it to feel okay for me to walk away from it today. I feel anxious about leaving it incomplete when all I'm doing is watching TV and resting.

If I had to do this unit twice, I think I'd give up.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It was my psych degree. I hated it. It was so boring. @NightFury The whole course was pretty not-for-me.

Glad you got some done. You might have to go for a walk with Luna then! I'll take Ruby and you take Luna.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I will finish the cuppa that I just made @tyme and then take Luna for a walk.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I've just finished answering my 87 notifications and I've just got a new 15 to go, then I'll take Ruby for a walk. @NightFury

See you on the other side!

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I'm back from taking Luna for a walk. @tyme it's lovely outside. I didn't realise how warm it is today.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hello lovely! I know I have some messages of yours to reply to, but firstly, I would really love to hear how your psychologist appointment went? Am I remembering correctly that you had it yesterday or today? 💛 @NightFury

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work


@NightFury wrote:

We can challenge it @AuntGlow. It's just what it seems like at the moment. Friends are drifting away, and when new people come into my life, they leave to.

I was desperate, not courageous. I needed help and I wasn't getting it.

I would tell them that a credit is great! It's a pass and that's all you really need to do, especially in a unit that has been a big challenge. The fact that you got a credit is big, because you wanted to give up and throw in the towel with this one, with the whole study thing entirely. So, to get a credit with so much going on, is actually really good.

I don't think a lot of it is data driven. I think we have two units like this. And this one is one assignment and a couple of weeks away from being over and done with. It's probably too late for a tutor for this subject, given that it's almost finished, but it's something to think about as an option for support.

Work has been good. I've had a busy few weeks. Now that my 3 month probation is almost done, my work load has increased and quickly. But it's nice to be able to balance it somewhat. Yesterday was a busy day. We had an auditor in, and I had three hours of driving and an extended home visit which was tough. And lots of paperwork. So, I'm working from home today to try and balance it all out. I have meetings and PD today.

I miss teaching. I think I miss the connections and the people. I would be on school holidays right now. But it's something I can miss and still be glad I'm not a part of any more.


I understand and I absolutely don't want to invalidate that feeling, because I know it comes from a very real place. @NightFury 💛

I am curious to know if there are any people who are still in your world, even in a small way?

Okay, so can you potentially explore saying this to yourself? Maybe you can direct these words to your inner child or to yourself in the mirror using the word 'I'?

You deserve to create the same supportive environment for yourself that you do for others. I absolutely agree with your words. A credit is amazing for such a challenging unit. You reached out, got support, perservered, and got through!! I have given up on things because they have felt too much MANY times. So any time I do follow through, you best believe I gotta take a moment to acknowledge it. 💅

You deserve that acknowledgement too. 🥰

It sounds like most of your study will be in alignment with the things you're good at, in this case! Is that right?

A tutor can absolutely come later.

Honestly, it sounds like work is going so well and you are absolutely crushing it, even when it's challenging. I can see the work from home balance is really helping you as well. YAY!

I understand why you would miss teaching. You loved it. I think it will always be a big part of you and your journey. You're right, we can miss something and also be glad we have moved on. Being a human is so complex, isn't it?

Have you had any time to write or draw about how you're feeling?

Curious to know if tarot has made an appearance lately too. 😍

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I had my appointment on Friday @AuntGlow and I've found myself needing lots of space since. I don't know if it's in direct correlation to the appointment, but yesterday I needed a quiet environment - even the TV was too much noise and the forums felt like too much.

The appointment was good. I left feeling hopeful, but with lots of thoughts running around in my head. She asked some tough questions and I answered some tough questions.

She raised some intetesting things that my brain is still churning over.

  • I have a pattern of not getting the help that I need.
  • She asked me if I had considered I might be neurodivergent. I told her I was supposed to be referred for assessment but it didn't happen because the psychiatrist said it wasn't a good idea until we get the anxiety under control - I mentioned how that didn't make sense to me because anxiety is related to neurodivergence in women.
  • She pointed out that OCD is either usually genetic or comes about because something happened - this brought up the whole sleep issue, with nightmares and night terrors and extreme anxiety over sleep. This is what we're going to start with because it's a foundation of everything according to Maslow's Hierachy of Needs. She is writing a letter to my GP requesting review of medication to help me sleep better.
  • I have homework to do - she set me the task of listening to a podcast called The Neurodivergent Women and I have to book in with my GP to discuss sleep and the nightmares.

What gave me hope was that she specifically stated she could help me, she didn't reduce my experiences instead I felt validated. Like...the psychologist I was seeing over telehealth kept telling me how my OCD wasn't as bad as other clients because it didn't significantly impact my day or take up a lot of time. I could still function and work and study, so it was only mild. This psychologist didn't do that - in fact she validated it as being "gnarly". And it gave me hope in that she specifically told me that she wanted to treat me and not my individual diagnoses.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@AuntGlow the lack of people in my world is a glaring sore point at the moment. I feel so disconnected and alone. And it keeps coming up for me.

I have my Scottish friend. We haven't seen each other since early December last year, but we have a day booked for a big catch up next month and we check in with each other over message every now and then.

I also have my TA friend from last year. Again, we haven't seen each other since December last year, but we send each other memes or check in at least once a week.

My brother is in the background. I know he's there, but I don't see him often, or hear from him often. My niece, I see maybe once a fortnight. I talk to my Mum and Dad a couple of times a week over the phone - they do little things for me, like they visited last weekend so Dad could cut some sticks for me for the fire.

I have always struggled with tasks like that - actually looking in the mirror and saying things to myself.

I hope most of my study is in alignment with the things I'm good at. I can't sustain these meltdowns over it. They're exhausting and remind me of the time that I used to have full blown panic attacks. I'm afraid of them.

I brought myself a new journal a fortnight ago and, I have written in it twice. I want to start feeling connected with myself again and journaling is a way for me to do that. Or I hope it will be. It used to be. That's how my journey to self-connection started last time. I want to come back to that.

Tarot hasn't made an appearance. But I want to start feeling connected spiritually too. Tarot is a part of that for me. That's also where my spiritual connection journey began last time.

I am on a bit of a journey to rekindle connection - connection to others, connection to myself, and connection to my spirituality beliefs and values. I feel like I've lost all of those things and as a result I feel...numb, isolated, alone, like I'm just going through the motions in life. It's hard to describe how it feels. It's like I'm in the world and in my life, but I'm not part of it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@tymeI finished my assignment!

How did you go with yours yesterday?

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