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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Tonight/tomorrow is now today @AuntGlow so, today, I want to spend 20 minutes of guilt free time doing a lego set.

I think the most important fear is big and sticky and has been around for so long. I think it is what we were talking about regarding sleep. The idea that I am going to hurt someone I love while I'm asleep and I'm not going to be aware and able to stop myself. The compulsion is saying/thinking the prayer until it's the only thought in my head.

But...it's complicated in that...I don't actually live with anyone else any more and don't know how to work on it.

I think maybe we should stick to the smaller fear of someone breaking in while I'm asleep and me waking up to find them standing over my bed. Which is where the compulsion of checking the locks and cameras comes from. It's just hard because it's woven in with...a fear around my phone.

I sound like I'm scared of everything...but my anxiety and my OCD are all twisted together. I feel really complicated.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury ,

How did the lego go?

When you do lego, just LE-GO... allow yourself to LE-GO of like and enjoy the lego.

I've been doing a lot of reading lately. I'm up to The "Let Them" theory by Mel Robbins.

There's a whole two chapters on how the Let Them theory supports those experiencing social isolation.

The author shares a time when her daughter used to phone her and cry every day about how lonely she was. The 'cure' was that the author told her daughter to get out, go to the cafeteria and talk to people. So she did. It didn't work at first, but after a while, she's met some of her closest friends up to this day.

The author also shared that each time, when you go out and you say "Good morning" or "hello" to a random, research shows it actually helps you. So I tried it today. It felt awkward at first, but I said hello to 5 people while taking the dog for a walk. So my goal is to try this every time I take the dog for a walk, and I can report back how it went for me 🙂

I don't know. I just give things a go. I'm my own guinea pig lol

Thinking of you @NightFury - I've been away and only just returned

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @tyme

I hope you enjoyed your break and got some rest and recuperation time in too.

You made me chuckle snort when I read that. It's punny! The Lego went well, I finished the set I was working on this weekend. It was nice to put aside time to do something I enjoy.

I've read 'Let Them' by Mel Robbins. It was such a powerful book for me at a time that I needed it. The Let Them Theory helped me to get through the last couple of months in QLD. It was the approach I took with my housemate, or tried to take anyway. Sometimes it's hard.

I'd be interested in how your goal goes for you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I took the dog for a walk today and saw one person. But I didn't want to say hi to him because I don't like him... so I didn't.... and then there were no more people to say hi to after that! @NightFury

But I'll try again tomorrow.

I think Let Them Theory is a book you can keep going back to for reference, depending on which stage you are in life.

It reminds me of the Happiness Trap book by Russ Harris which I also always refer back to.

Hope you've been well 🙂

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That's one of the problems, I think we would encounter. @tyme when Luna and I go for a walk, it's 6.30 in the morning and no one else is around.

I agree. It's one of those books that you learn something new from each time you read it.

I haven't read The Happiness Trap.

I'm doing my best at the being well thing.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

That's all anyone can ask @NightFury . You can only do your best.

Sometimes, as we 'do our best', we flow into the routine, and find things later improve.

I also just keep trying new things. I know areas I need to work on, so it allows me to try something different.

I didn't take Ruby on a walk today so i didn't say hello to anyone.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sometimes my best doesn't feel like it's enough @tyme I have been struggling with super vivid nightmares over the past week or so. But feeling wired, and my brain is moving super quickly, so I've been trying to slow things down.

I stayed at home today. I had a busy day around the house - cleaned the house, mowed both the back and front lawn, sprayed the weeds out the front and back, filled the wood box up, did 4 loads of washing and hung it on the line. So, I haven't said hello or seen anyone new either.

How has your week been? How are your studies going?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sounds like a lot of overload @NightFury The nightmares sound so scary. Must be draining.

Even then, well done on getting so much done today! That's A LOT! I've just been chilling lately. Haven't done that much physical stuff, but I have done more life admin-ish stuff.

My studies are going steadily. I'm aiming to complete the assignments by mid year. There are prac elements too... That's the part I'm dreading. It needs to be completed by the end of this year. I've stretched it to the very end lol... just like all my other courses.

I hope to have an earlier night tonight. You?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It has been a lot @tyme the nightmares come with fear and panic when I wake, followed by fighting my sleep meds because I don't want to go back to sleep and back into the nightmare.

It sounds like you have a good plan though for getting through your assignments and the prac elements.

And sometimes we need to just chill.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't know much about nightmares. What do the doctors say about it @NightFury ?

Is there something you can do to help yourself?

I mean, for me, if I have sleep meds, I'm out most of the night. I might have a nightmare once or twice in a year or so, but I tend to just go back to sleep if the meds are still active.

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