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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

3920 replies

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good afternoon @NightFury 🥰

I completely hear you and always working from "I have to" can be so exhausting. Have you still been able to do your monthly 'new thing' adventures?

I am also curious to know if there could be a way you could set aside guilt-free me time?

Gah, it's so tough when you have to figure things out on your own... I have been there many times too. I hope this unit reminds you of your capacity and resourcefulness.

Work from home can be sooo incredibly helpful, can't it? I am glad you are enjoying the freedom it can bring. Do you find that you're able to take care of yourself and Luna a bit more when you're at home?

Aw, thank you, I am glad I can be grounding as well. I think oscillate between the two, depending on the situation. 🤔

Acknowledging that you haven't had the space to work through your QLD experience yet is great awareness to have. I wonder what could shift for you if you were able to gently look at that experience with your new psychologist?

Oh, that would have been overwhelming, so I think being extra cautious with the kids outside makes perfect sense. And needing support through the step ladder approach is completely fair. I am the same, I find it hard to go and do something without held support/tactile feedback. Even though we are in a virtual space, I am wondering if I can support you through this at all?

I understand what you mean, night time can be extra heightened for so many people with anxiety (including myself!). This is when I try to make things as comfortable as possible. I can hear connection would help a great deal... are there some other conversations you might like to start or be a part of on the forums? You don't have to share here, but please have a think about what might be helpful. 🫶

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hi @AuntGlow

I have been doing my monthly new thing. In April, over the Easter weekend, I did a Ghost Tour. It's not really a new thing for me. But it was at a venue I've never been to before, with a different tour company. It made me feel light.

But the monthly commitment is starting to feel hard.

I think there could be away to set aside that guilt free time. Especially now that I have my Saturday's back and lawn bowls has finished. I think even focusing on small amounts of time to start with.

I feel like I can take care of Luna and myself better on work from home days. We get to sleep in an extra hour or so, and organise my own time. I also get more done and I feel more comfortable and don't have to worry about being conscious of whether other people are judging or what they could be thinking about me. I'm always super aware of other people. I'm working from home tomorrow because I feel like I need that space.

I wonder, with the OCD step ladder, whether it would be okay to share it with you? To talk through it and maybe work on it to make it feel more relevant? I don't know if that's something you could do?

I don't know if there are any conversation's I'd like to start or join in on. It's a good ides, because I feel a little disconnected here at the moment. And that brought tears to my eyes. I'll think about it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Sitting with you 💕 @NightFury

@AuntGlow

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hugs @Shaz51 my like button isn't working, or I'd like your reply.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Hey @NightFury, I just wanted to come past and apologise I didn’t see your post earlier on missgremlins thread. Didn’t see shaz51

either, until now 😞.

Sorry you are feeling vulnerable today. I am wondering what you find helpful in times like this?

I have a feeling I’m not tracking great but still feeling so so in myself. I was hoping for a bit more of a break and to feel better for longer but we will see.

sorry I haven’t got back from your post from awhile ago also. I was wondering though have you been to the medium, if so how did you find it?
how’s your indoor fire going?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

No need to apologise @Chasingsunsets

I'm sorry you feel like you're not tracking well. It's good that you have the awareness though.

I'm not sure I find anything helpful. Usually, I just head to bed and try to sleep. Which I might do soon.

I went to see the Medium. It wasn't the best Mediumship show that I've been to. The connections didn't feel as deep, and there didn't seem to be much of a healing message passed on. Different Mediums work differently though, but I'm not sure that I enjoyed it.

My wood heater is amazing. I love a wood fire. It's calming and warm and toasty. And it hasn't gotten over 10 degrees the last two days, nor has it stopped raining, so it's been lovely to have it going.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Good evening @NightFury

Ooh, I know how much you love spooky things!! Feeling light must have been nice... I am curious what you noticed about yourself/your thoughts when you were in that space?

I get why it would feel hard to commit to one new thing a month with all that you're feeling, and that's okay. What/when is your next outing?

Small amounts are key! What could that look like, say, this week?

I am glad that working from home is helping you to feel a bit more grounded. I can imagine over time, this will have a positive effect on your overall sense of regulation.

Yes, absolutely! Just let me know what their step ladder approach looked like and we can rework it?

It really does seem like connection is important right now and I think it's wonderful that it means so much to you. I can relate to that a lot. I often find authentic connections transpire from delving deeper into the things I am passionate or curious about. Maybe that's somewhere you could start? 🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Evening @AuntGlow

I noticed that I was just in the moment...if that makes sense? I was absorbed in the stories and in sensing and listening. I was also chatting to the others on the tour and really enjoyed being with people who have similar interests. I love history, I love story telling, I love ghost stories.

I don't know what my next new experience is. I haven't got one planned for next month yet.

Maybe this week it could look like, allowing myself to actually sit and enjoy a hot drink, or something nice to eat, allowing myself to take small pockets of time for myself. Maybe some time to read, even for like 20 minutes before bed every night.

With the step ladder we were asked to create a list of all the OCD behaviours we experience, then choose one to focus on. I chose to focus on going to bed only checking the doors were locked once, and not checking the cameras on my phone even if I woke up in the middle of the night.

We had to list things we could do to break that pattern of behaviour and rank them - give them a percentage out of 100, with 100% being the hardest on the list. So my step ladder went like this...

Very hard: Going to bed without checking the doors are locked more than once, and turning my phone off so that I can’t check my security cameras using the ap – 100 %
Hard: Going to bed without checking my doors are locked more than once, and leaving my phone in the kitchen, so that I can’t check my security cameras using the ap - 95 %
Medium: Going to bed without checking my doors are locked more than once, and having the camera ap downloaded onto a different device which is not located in my bedroom - 75 %
Easy: Going to bed without checking my doors are locked more than once, and having my phone on flight mode so that I don’t get notifications from my camera ap – 60%
Very easy: Going to bed without checking the doors are locked more than once, and putting my phone on silent in the top draw of the bedside table – 50 %
Easiest: Going to bed without checking my doors are locked more than once, and having my phone beside my bed on silent, face down on the side table – 45 %
Then we had to start at easiest and when that felt easier, then go up to the next and so on.
I only got two steps up and went back to old habits. But I also feel like it's not right, it doesn't focus on what it needs to.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Heading off for the night @NightFury, thinking of you. I hope your sleep can reset things for you 🙏.
Ah that’s disappointing that it’s wasn’t the best medium show and the feel wasn’t there however go on you for going, I guess you weren’t going to know unless you went. I wonder if there are any more coming up? 😊


wow very cold! So good you have that fire and I bet it is calming and the feel of warmth it gives would be amazing. Any marshmallows yet? 😊🙏

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

It sounds like you felt truly present and connected, and I love that you had this experience again recently, because I think drawing upon it energetically and connecting to how it feels when you're in that space of anxiety or distrust will help SO much. Let's come back to this. @NightFury

That sounds like a great idea. In this case, what could you do for yourself tonight/tomorrow? Just one 20-minute block of time for you. 🥰

Ah, this is a great approach, I love it! I completely hear you around the fact that it doesn't feel like the focal point for you though. What do you think is the most important fear to approach right now? Would it be around what you shared regarding your sleep or something else? 💛

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