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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Acceptance is hard work

Acceptance is hard work

Before I start, I just want to say…that I don’t feel comfortable in this space. It’s hard to be in the trauma and PTSD forum, but for me at the moment, I’m working through a level of acceptance.

I don’t have a diagnosis, I’ve never spoken to or seen a counsellor, or received any kind of mental health support. I have a very good friend who works in a healing space and has seen and experienced the impact my mental health and my triggers has on me. She has a lived experience of CPTSD and she knows a little of my story. She has helped me with resources and just by being a wonderful safe space for me to talk about what I’m experiencing. She suggested that perhaps, I could be experiencing the symptoms of CPTSD.

I completed a self-referral for the guided recovery program and have started that process. It has me straddling the line of acceptance. I have always had “anxiety” and have experienced panic attacks and flash backs and all of those good things. My first memories of my anxiety was when I was a teenager. But now, I accept that it isn’t entirely accurate.

My brain’s blocked out some of my memories of what happened to me. Logically, I know that it happened, but it was as if…if I couldn’t remember it all, then maybe I could live with doubt and maybe that doubt was permission to say…”you know what? Maybe It’s not real.” And if it didn’t really happen, then I don’t have CPTSD.

I will also acknowledge that I have been fairly avoidant with seeking help for a number of reasons, but one of those reasons is because I don’t want to talk about/acknowledge that what happened, actually happened.

I’m in a space at the moment where I know that the first step for me is actually owning it and accepting it. But, that makes me feel very vulnerable, and the acceptance feels “slippery,” I can’t quite wrap my head around it, as if a part of me is protecting me from it, if that makes sense.

Last year, a friend (who is no longer a friend) told me in an argument that I use my anxiety “as an excuse” and maybe she’s right - but not in the context she meant it. I’ve used my anxiety as an excuse not to acknowledge that there’s something else behind it. Is acceptance something that you let happen organically as you move through life, and counselling and all the processes? Or is this something that you push yourself through, knowing that it’s an important step? How do you work through this process of arriving at acceptance on multiple levels?

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme and I don’t know who else to tag, I’m sorry.

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In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury Just dropping in to say hi and read your most recently post.


@NightFury wrote:

I have been a little better this week than last week. I just feel...exhausted. And a little frustrated with myself. I'm behind on my studies and I can't muster the motivation to engage and to actually get stuff done.

The changes around work are sitting more comfortably now. I feel less overwhelmed with it all. I am learning a lot and I still have a lot to learn.


I'm glad this week has been a bit better than last week, but sorry you're still exhausted and a bit frustrated with yourself, and feeling behind on your studies and low motivation. That sounds really rough, and sounds similar to how I have been at times a lot over my life which I know has not been easy for myself, so i can only imagine how hard it might feel for you also.

I am glad work is feeling a little more comfortable and less overwhelming. 😍. I believe learning is a continual thing, and truely not something to "set and forget" - especially whilst research & experience is always evolving and learning new things too! Are you enjoying the learning process at/through/alongside work? Except for the "feeling behind" in the studies aspects of learning and "keeping up" (even if the study is separate to work on-the-job training).

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Am I enjoying the learning process? @AlwaysMyself that's an interesting question.

Yes, I enjoy learning and am enjoying learning about behaviour support and allied health through my work and learning about child and adolescent mental health through my Masters degree(at the moment, I'm doing a unit on evidence based practice). What I don't enjoy is the fact that it means I don't get a lot of down time. I'm learning at work, and I'm learning at home. When I'm at work my brain is learning and growing and when I come home, it's much the same state. I would love to be able to set the learning down when I get home and rest my brain. It leads to a lot of overwhelm - I cried today because I sat down and looked at what I have to do for my next assignment (in the evidence based practice course) and my brain was like..."I can't do this."

For some context, I have to come up with a search question, justify which data bases I would use, what boolean operators, what MeSH terms I would use, write an overview of the level of evidence I've found and why it's important to consider, use an appropriate tool to critically evaluate three relevant articles, and provide an answer to the original search question.

In the moment it felt too big, but I have started, and I am now five hundred words in.

I'm frustrated that it's Sunday and I'm spending my day studying instead of resting and relaxing, instead of engaging in self-care.

How are you?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury that definitely sounds exhausting without downtime and self-care. I would be overhwlmed too!

500 words in! 😊 well done! That is a very good start. I'm wondering what the overall length of the assessment is (word count) and how long until it is due for submission?

I love research 🥰🤩 and your assessment would be right up my special interest pathways lol. 🤣. Unfortunately this doesnt help you though 🤔.

I love that you have already stepped out what you need to do into small steps 😍🤩. Wisdom right there!

I know it feels a lot, but I also believe you can do this. Step by step. Taking self-care breaks 🤗.

How is Luna?

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

The overall word count is 2500 words @AlwaysMyself and it's due on the 12th of April. I have time to tackle it, given that I have a four day weekend coming up for Easter, but I really want at least one of those days off.

Aha, no, it doesn't really help me. I honestly, really find this unit dry and boring and that impacts upon my engagement and motivation as well.

Luna is good. She just stole my teddy bear biscuit from my hand.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

You're 1/5 of the way through the draft 😍🤩.

I wholely support at least one day next weekend without studies/work/chores (or a numbe rof hours spread out over mutiple days.. whatever works for you best! You know you!

I wonder what you hope to do next weekend in downtime?

Ahaha Luna!!! Cheeky girl! I best she will enjoy the biscuit. Thank you for making me laugh with the imagery. 🤣🥰

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

See... @AlwaysMyself I don't do drafts. Lol. The current assignment is my good copy straight up. Lol.

I hope to do nothing in my down time. Stay in bed, read, watch TV, nap and snack. Lol. Do you have plans for Easter?

She is cheeky and yes, she did enjoy it.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

Haha love that you dont do drafts 😆. My drafts were usually the level of someones just-before-final-review copy 😅 and just needed grammar checking, reduced word count (read: did i got off on any tangents?), and ensuring i backed up everything with references.

You've got this! 😘

A day/weekend of nothing sounds great @NightFury .

My easter.. well... my dad is coming for 3 days. This could go either way 😅🤣 and there is no way to predict as it depends on his behaviour/words.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I don't have time to do drafts @AlwaysMyself I edit as I go and I reference as I go. I should probably do drafts, and it would probably earn me a better mark, but my aim is just to pass. I mean...last unit I got a High Distinction and have mostly been sitting on distinctions. So my process is okay, I reckon.

I'll be thinking of you over Easter and wondering how it's going with your Dad. I hope it goes well for you.

In response to: Re: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

I reckon your process is working pretty darn fine for you @NightFury 😊🥰😘🤗. Well done!

In response to: Acceptance is hard work

Re: Acceptance is hard work

@NightFury appreciate you taking the time to share that hun. I knew what happened in QLD was bad but that really does hammer home just how much of an impact I imagine it's had on your psyche. To me, that sounds like emotional and psychological abuse - the ever-moving goal posts/impossible standards, gaslighting you into thinking everything is your fault, swearing and door slamming, and especially threatening your pet. It is truly horrific that you endured that and that you were made to feel so powerless. I'm not surprised the impact has been so enormous.

Curious if you noticed that the incredible discomfort around disappointing people has been a longer-term thing that was perhaps exacerbated by what happened in QLD, or if it has only really emerged since living with this person?

Recovering from the impacts of psychological abuse definitely takes a lot of processing time, because it erodes our sense of autonomy and personal power, and often leaves us feeling like having needs is somehow wrong or burdensome to others.

Wondering if you've ever thought about getting in touch with 1800RESPECT? Even if you're not still in that situation, you deserve support in the recovery process, and the space to be able to unpack and get deeper insight and understanding of what happened and how it's impacted you. Another good org for this is Relationships Australia. No pressure of course, I know you already have a lot on your plate!! Just something to think about 💜

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